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Post by melody on Oct 19, 2010 15:30:16 GMT -5
Hi, I am Melody and have been with sg since it first appeared on the web. I have known Clara since 2000 but finally got to meet her in person, October 2008 at the first silentgrief retreat. It was also on the way to this retreat that I got to know Dru, we road tripped from GA to PA together. Memorable times!!
I love this website and pray for it and its members daily although I don't get here often much anymore.
We lost our 7 year 1 month and 1 day old Matthew to spinal meningitis while we were missionaries in Brazil (1991) I wish this site had been here then. however, this site has helped me through many griefs-- and i love my friends here.
More later.
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sparrowsmommy
Full Member
Whatever my lot, though hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul
Posts: 427
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Post by sparrowsmommy on Oct 23, 2010 3:19:07 GMT -5
Hi! I am Mia, I joined in September and have been so grateful for the message boards here at SG! Being able to "talk" to other women who have been in my shoes has helped me immensely in the healing process! DH and I were married January of 2010 and at the beginning of this year, we decided that we wanted to move out of our apartment and buy a house. We did a lot of talking and praying and decided that August would be when we started our TTC journey, to give us plenty of time to settle into our house. DH knew how anxious I was about having a baby, and suggested we start TTC in May (the 27th to be exact!) and much to my surprise, after waiting a week for AF to peer her ugly head I got my BFP. I was excited, but not quite as excited as I thought I would be, now I know what was holding me back. Four days later DH left for 2 weeks of AT with the Army and the next day I started spotting, with cramps and back pain, and after a torturous week of blood tests, and praying, and waiting it was confirmed that I had miscarried our first baby. We named our baby Sparrow Liran, Sparrow because of the song "His eye is on the Sparrow," and the name Liran means "my song, my joy" around what would have been my 19th week I dreamt about a baby girl and I knew that was God's way of telling me that my Angel is a little girl. It hasn't been an easy road, but I have been blessed with a husband who truly gets it, he misses our little girl as much as I do, and I know that with him I am safe to talk about my feelings and fears. God has also done a lot of teaching and blessing these last few months, and for that I am forever thankful! I have started writing all of my thoughts and poetry in my blog about my loss, the address is losingmydoubtsandfears.blogspot.com/
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Post by mama2sami on Oct 24, 2010 16:59:55 GMT -5
Hello, my name is Lianne and I am new to this site. My three-year-old daughter, Samantha Lianne, was killed in a car accident on May 14, 2008. I attended therapy for about two months after Sami died but I never went back. I've never been able to cope with her death. She was my only child. My little princess. I'm hoping this site helps me because I'd really like to be able to learn to cope and some how move on.
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Post by Lucas' Mommy on Oct 28, 2010 17:17:04 GMT -5
Hi everybody, my name is Sara, and I lost my precious baby on 18th October, 2010. I found this site by accident (then again, I suppose it WASN'T an accident!), and am so glad that I did! I feel so "safe" here, as silly as that may sound. It is absolutely awful that we are all connected by tragedy, and yet so beautiful that we all reach out to help one another. I am going through very early stages of grief: anger, confusion, intense depression, disbelief...it is all bottled up inside, speeding through my head at the speed of light. Most days so far I just haven't known what to do with myself. I feel that I "should" be up doing something, anything--but I am still trying to heal physically as well, and walking at this point is pretty uncomfortable. So I have spent an inordinate amount of time on this site, checking out different boards and reading others' stories. I already feel connected to some members whom I have had the priviledge of "talking" with. I thank all of you for your thoughts and prayers, and hope that I in return am able to offer others some comfort and understanding. Welcome to all, and please feel free to message me any time! Sara
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liamsmommy
New Member
Mommy to Logan and Liam who are playing up in Heaven
Posts: 6
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Post by liamsmommy on Dec 9, 2010 4:56:13 GMT -5
I am new here. I have two babies in heaven, I have none here on earth and the doctors have told me I will not survive another pregnancy due to my health problems and barely surviving my last delivery. It really breaks my heart because my biggest dreams in life have always been raising my children with a man who loves me unconditionally. I feel less like a woman knowing I can never produce long surviving children. I have other past traumas that makes it feel like someone made a voodoo doll of me and has done everything possible to torture me. I truly don't believe in anything like that. I am a faithful christian full of questions, most of them start in why. Since this website is for Moms who have lost children, I won't go into the unpleasantries of the rest of my life. I thought I was being a very good person and christian and made sure that I never had kids with someone who I knew wasn't in my forever plan. My husband and I got engaged last year and being 27, I wanted to start trying for a family, thinking that it takes time. Well the first time we tried we got pregnant. We were thrilled but a bit shocked since we weren't going to be married for three more months. I was very scared and I kinda felt like I let God down because I didn't wait until we were married yet. So to honor our baby we pushed up the wedding by two months. We were scheduled to get married on Jan 30th 2010. Everything felt like it was falling into place and we announced our pregnancy at the family Christmas party. We miscarried on New Years eve '09. I nearly committed myself into a mental hospital a week later but my husband was so supportive and even offered to call off the wedding until I felt more stable. I took a few days to consider, but ultimately decided that I want to push forward with the wedding because I didn't want to feel like our child died in vain. It helped to have something to focus on that was pretty much all consuming. It truly was a beautiful wedding and we involved both families entirely. We had so much support. I felt truly blessed. Right after the wedding we had more financial drama and it felt like we were just on an emotional roller coaster so we waited a few months for things to settle down before we tried again. I was getting the feeling that we should start trying again but I hadn't told my husband yet. He told me a week later that he was ready and I was so happy that we tried a few times around the time of our friends wedding. I was really sick for a couple weeks after the wedding so we weren't trying anymore and got so sick that I ended up in the ER. My mom had taken me in since my hubby was still at work. A nurse came in and said my blood sugars were off the charts due to the pregnancy. (I have been type 1 diabetic since age 10) I was elated to say the least and when I told my husband all he could do was smile and hug me so tightly. Because of my laundry list of medical issues I went every week from then on into the high risk clinic at our nations first baby friendly hospital. It was a very complicated pregnancy even for high-risk. When my blood sugars went back off the charts again I went into the hospital again. As the ob was getting me admitted he said we should just do an inspection just in case. I was only 24 1/2 weeks along so he wasn't worried until he checked and I was 3 cm dialated and fully effaced. Right then they put me on strict bed rest, NPO with a cath. I was on steroids to mature my sons lungs for three days and when there was no change in my condition the docs let me eat again and pulled out the cath. Well when you eat you have to go to the bathroom. I called for someone to come help me to take care of buisness since my nurse was at lunch and whoever it was that answered my call light just kept saying someone will be right there. I made the mistake of getting up to go since no one was coming after a half an hour of calling for help because I couldn't hold it anymore. I made it to the bathroom but about two minutes later, while still in the "seated position", I felt my water break. I pulled the emergency cord and the same attendant asked if she could help and when I said yes my water broke, she asked are you sure? Are you kidding me? Am I sure? Unless niagra falls is flowing the wrong way from the toilet yeah I'm sure. I honestly just said yes I'm sure but that's what I was thinking. Immeadeatly someone came in and helped me back to bed and no joke it was about 15 minutes from the time my water broke and my son was out and taken away before I could see him because he was so premature. He was born at noon and I couldn't see him until after five because the doctors were busy saving me. For the next 12 days the only time I left the NICU was to get a few hours sleep, eat sporadically, use the restroom and pump milk. He was great for a week until the valve between his heart and lungs wouldn't close on its own so the docs went in and closed it surgically. It went without complication. A few days later his nurse noticed a cyst on his umbilical stump and had the GI team come and consult and take biopsies. They told me not to worry its probably nothing. By the time I got in the next morning at 8 am, my mom was already at the hospital and was freaking out. I finally got to the reason and the docs had been trying to get a hold of us since 4 am to get authorization for surgery. We were across the street at the ronald mcdonald house and apparently our phone was malfunctioning. Two doctors overrode the parental concent to try to save our son's life. He was not expected to survive the surgery but he had a hole in his intestines and there was blood and meconium all over the inside of his abdomen so they opened him up, sucked all the bad out and transfused him heavily. The doctors wanted me to hold him for the first time that day because they weren't sure I was going to get another chance. I wouldn't give up hope and wouldn't let the medical staff talk me into discontinuing life support because if there was a chance, my little fighter was gonna take it. I feel bad now because if I had accepted the truth earlier he wouldn't have had to suffer so badly. Because of the transfusions of blood products his body weight doubled from 1 lb 9oz to 2 1/2lbs at last breath. His legs had turned black, his blood would not clot. I feel like a horrible mommy for making him hang on for so long after the second surgery. It was three days before I could let them take him off of life support. I took him into a private room where my husband layed with us while I held him until he took his last breath and longer because I couldn't let him pass away all alone. It's been almost a month and a half and there hasn't been a day that I haven't cried for at least a few hours. I don;t understand why God needs my babies more than I do. I'm mad, I'm sad, I'm most of all hurt. My husband has only been back at work for three days now, but because he's back at work, I'm alone most of the day. The horrible feelings are the worst when I am alone. I don't sleep at night because everynight I lose my boys all over again in my nightmares. I am in councelling and on medications but all I wanna do is sleep until this pain isn't crippling. I feel guilty for being mad at God. I have questioned my faith more than once, but if I let it go completely I will never make it to heaven to be with my angels. I have so much love for them both that only another mother who has made the ultimate sacrifice of her children would understand. I'm sorry this is so long but I guess I had a ton to say. Tearfully, Cyndi One and only mother to Logan and Liam, precious angels in God's Army
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Post by AmieeLynn on Dec 15, 2010 10:59:56 GMT -5
Hi All! I'm Amiee and I joined in January after my 2nd loss. I am a teacher, and I love children. My DH and I just got married last Saturday, which is such a great thing! My DH is my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, everything I could ever wish for. We are TTC right now, for the 4th month in a row, so FINGERS CROSSED! We're so ready to become parents, and it's our calling. In my spare time, i like to bake, I like to keep a clean house, reading, talking on the phone with my mom, drinking diet pepsi, crocheting, and just making others smile. I have found so much comfort through my SG sisters... After my m/c, I would stay on SG until 3 or 4 in the morning talking to the best ladies in the world. Much love to you all... Amiee
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Post by mommiesmiraclesx4 on Feb 3, 2011 17:42:19 GMT -5
I have never introduced myself on this thread. My name is Debbie and I have had three losses. One of my losses was at 17 weeks and to me she is a still birth. I held her and had a funeral for her and even named my little girl. Her name is Ashley Edith Michelle. I also had two miscarriage and they were very early on. One we named Milissia Ann Rose. then we lost Joshua twin and I lost that baby at 7 weeks a long. We finally did name him Jason Dwain
I have been married 3 yrs 3 months and some odd weeks and days. I got married on October 13, 2007. Since we have been married or actually when we got married were were 9 weeks pregnant with Jeremiah. But since then we have also had Joshua in May of 2009 and Josiah in September of 2010. Our family unit is very strong and our kids are everything to us.
We currently still feel our family unit is not complete. My husband and I both would like 5 kids possibly 6 but not sure yet. We know two more most deffinate. We might start trying for another baby in about April or May. We are just not sure yet. We are working on just making the family unit work as it is now with many needs due to Jeremiah struggles and we want to be there for that first and be sure he is under managed care of his conditon before make to many more decisions about it.
I am collage student and soon to be finished with my AA in Social Work and Psychology. I also have doctrine in Ministry. I love the lord our God with all my heart
I am not a young mother but I am mother who cares and loves our family and kids. I will be 41 yrs old on March 25 and my husband Rodney turned 41 yr old on Jan 11. We are not that much older then one another.
We have made dreams come true in our lives and if it were not for God we would not have all that we do.
Silent grief is an awesome place but there have also been downspells on this site also. I could not ever leave because I feel a part of it just for the fact I came here in my loss with my daughter Ashley.
Any other questions please ask I can be found on facebook under Debbie Lopez-Stitt
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Post by whippet on Mar 10, 2011 13:41:54 GMT -5
I'm new here.This seems like a real nice place.The board that i was on closed down.I was on it for 10 years.I sure miss it,but i'm glad that i have found another nice place.
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Post by reginakay28 on Mar 22, 2011 18:01:05 GMT -5
I never posted on this board...I'm not sure I really ever noticed it, but I just spent an hour reading every word. It's amazing to me (even after being here for a while) that so many people have been brought together in an attempt to find hope and healing...I love it.
The hope and healing is a little illusive to me right now. I just suffered my 3rd miscarriage in February. My first was at 12 weeks in October 2009, second at 6 weeks in March of 2010. I have a 2.5 year old son who is the light of my life. Without him and DH, I wouldn't be out of bed and able to write on here. DH is my best friend, everything I could possibly want or need in a husband. He has always wanted a big family but has been so amazingly supportive through all of this. Our lives have taken turns that we haven't anticipated but I know we'll make it through eventually. It's just the here and now that's difficult.
Thank you Clara for having this vision.
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Post by marianne on Mar 26, 2011 1:35:43 GMT -5
Hi, Marianne here from Australia. I have too big boys Matthew 17 and Luke 14. My ex left me when i fell pregnant with, Luke so I was a single mum forever. Then, just in the nick of time I meet dh nick. Being Greek, he wanted to name his son ( born when I was 41) after his dad, and that's how we got Johnny. Matthew, Luke and John hmmmm where have I heard that before ? Anyhow, we decided to try for another when John was 9 month cos we are running out of time. At the amniocentesis ultrasound there was no heart beat, though it measure 12.5 weeks and to add insult to injury just when I was feeling better the genetic testing came back with normal female . ( sometimes there arent enough swear words, ya know ) so that was a missed miscarriage. I thought we were ok when I fell again last year, till I started bleeding a school,where I am a science teacher. There no fetal pole so in a way I feel like that one was just my body getting excited over nothing. Anyhow, we are hoping we are still in the game , as all this has wasted time and I'm 43. As for hobbies, I grow veggies and sew lots of gifts for my family and friends. I also like to bake and do kids cakes and basically anything other than house work. Even when I was single I had a cleaner, as I know what I'm good at. I work as a casual high school teacher, and love the teenagers. I teach chemistry when full time, so while I don't pretend to know as much as debs, I am happy to discuss any thing scientific, and did genetics in my training a hundred years ago. I have been told I have asymtomotic thyroiditis so need to be thyroxin as a precaution when pregnant. This is a new discovery. We also did investigate fertility help though fell with Johnny naturally.
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Post by srexrode on Apr 4, 2011 11:15:06 GMT -5
I'm Sheryl. My husband and I have eight living children and two recent losses. We had troubles conceiving after #8 was born. I tried OTC progesterone cream and got pregnant a couple months later. I stopped taking the cream, thinking it wouldn't be safe. I lost the baby at 6wks. (That was last July.) I got pregnant again in November. I was so thrilled! I continued to take the cream, thinking maybe that had played a part in my previous loss. The midwife said to stop taking it when I hit the second trimester, as the placenta should have taken over by then. I stopped taking it at 17wks. At my 20wk check, the midwife could not find the heartbeat. I went to the hospital. They wouldn't show/tell me anything. The doctor's office called and said to come in the next day. That is when I found out our baby had passed away. He wanted to induce me immediately, but my midwife convinced him to wait two days. On St Patrick's Day, I went to the hospital and was induced. (But not until I had another u/s and was ABLE to see that his little heart had indeed stopped.) I delivered Samuel, who weighed 5oz and was 6-1/4", at 10:30pm. He was 18wks. We get the autopsy results Fri. But I don't think they'll have an answer for "why". We're not sure with trying for another. We're not getting younger (our eldest child is 17), and we're both scared of another loss, at ANY time! But I have a burning desire for another baby.
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Post by Ashley on Apr 13, 2011 15:43:03 GMT -5
My name is Ashley, I married my high school sweetheart April 28th of last year. We found out on the 27th of January that we we're expecting our first baby. We found out on the 25th of March, that there was no heartbeat and that our baby stopped growing at 13 weeks. We were supposed to find out tomorrow if we were having a little boy or a little girl. I know we would have had a little boy. They night we found out I had a dream that I was holding a baby, my baby, and he was wrapped in blue. I named him William. we are still waiting to hear back from the hospital as to what happened, if they can even tell us anything. I'm glad I found this site, I find it really hard to talk out loud about this and I usually run away from problems or unpleasant situations, but I can't run from this and I love my husband to much. Being able to write my thoughts really helps and also reading others posts. Thank you so much.
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Post by Clara Hinton on Jan 8, 2013 11:44:32 GMT -5
This thread, to me, is one of the best on this site because this is the one place that really joins us together as "family."
I hope that those of you who have recently registered will read through some of the "getting to know you" introductions and also let us get to know you more.
By the way, I'm Clara Hinton, the Administrator/Founder of this site ( which began many, many moons ago now), and also the author of the book, "Silent Grief", which is really how this site came to be.
I'm a mom who has experienced six miscarriages and one stillbirth, as well as the death of my 13-year-old sister (when I was 15). The journey of loss has been long and difficult, but I can say that it is now a much more gentle journey thanks to time and lots and lots of support along the way.
My hobbies (which seem to be far too many!) include flower and vegetable gardening, home canning, writing, and I also love to play around with photography!
It's a blessing to have you here, and I look forward to getting to know you more!
Love, Clara
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Kayt
Junior Member
Posts: 70
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Post by Kayt on Jan 9, 2013 17:26:24 GMT -5
My name is Kaytlen, I've been married to my high school sweet heart for about three and a half years now though it's been almost 11 years since we became an item. He's my very best friend and I don't think I would have been able to survive the loss of our son without him. We had just bought a nice family home in December of 2011 in the hopes of starting a family. In May of 2012 we found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant. Being a mother has been my greatest ambition in life, but I waited until my husband felt he was ready to be a father. We had quite a few bumps along the road during the pregnancy but we were assured everything was fine. On November 10, 2012, one day shy of being 32 weeks, we found out that our son had passed away. Two days later I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I didn't know that love could be so intense and so instant. I love my husband dearly but the love for a child is so different and I hadn't expected it. We plan to try again in a few months and I hope that things will go in our favor next time around.
I've never lost anyone very close to me before. I had lost a cousin and my grandmother but I hadn't been that close with either so this has been a very difficult journey for me so far. I don't expect the hurt to ever go away, but I look forward to it getting easier. I still cry almost every day for the little life that I feel was robbed from me.
I enjoy art in pretty much all forms. I'm an animal lover (which my two cats and dog have really helped me cope with the loss. They make our house not feel quite so empty). I've also always enjoyed helping others. Putting a smile on someone's face is usually enough to make my day.
I had no idea just how common this sort of loss was. I'm very glad I found this community. So far it's given me hope and helped me feel like everything that I'm feeling is normal and that it's okay to feel this way.
No matter who we've lost, we can always keep them in our hearts. But it's also nice to know that I'm not alone, even when I feel like the rest of the world has gone dark and turned it's back on me. (I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like they're infected with the plague when it comes to interacting with people who aren't sure what to say so they simply me and avoid you.)
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Post by jezebel on Jan 10, 2013 10:25:55 GMT -5
My name is Rhayden my son David 30 and my father 87 was in a house fire. David was gone before the fireman got there my father died 5 days later due to complications from the fire. I don't know how long after my son's death I came here I kinda am in a haze at times. I found all the thoughts I was having still having are normal I think I am nuts but as I talk to people here I seem to be like everyone else. The pain of loss the anguish the rethinking GOD it will put you down on your knees. I wonder what is wrong with me and why sometimes the days are good then I have very bad days. My son was the best he looked out for everyone he lived with my father and mother till she died and was in the room when she died he had 4 years with me in NC but was send back to help with Dad I was to go get him the 15th of April to come live with me and then we would figure out what to do with dad. April 2, 2012 was the fire. I fel like I lost something I can't find like it is not real and David is somewhere, the reality is he is in the ground near my folks and as hard as I may want to believe other the truth is he is gone.
Rhayden
If you go to facebook Rhayden Phoenix you ca see all the stuff on the fire and in the house and other things about it.
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