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Post by dawnn on Apr 15, 2006 1:10:12 GMT -5
As a woman who suffered with infertility and then 2 m/c's before I was finally able to have my daughter Sarah (and now another m/c)...I can understand both sides of the issue. But I know for myself, that seeing preg. women, babies and small children, was all part of life. Even though it could be painful at times (especially hearing of someone getting preg.), I never wanted to avoid it or have people afraid to share their joy with me.
Once I found SG, it actually brought me hope and joy when I saw women who had previous m/c's (&/or had suffered with infertility) go on to have living children. It would grieve me if I felt like people weren't sharing because of me and my feelings.
All that being said...probably because of the years it took me to have my daughter (she was born a month and a half before my 15th wedding anniversary), the farthest I've been away from my daughter was across the street, for 45 minutes, and my dh was watching her. I know there's going to come a time when I'll have to be separated from her longer, but I personally could not go somewhere (especially out of state) without her right now.
I would hope there would be some middle ground where we could meet all of these precious children and their mothers that have personally brought me so much joy and hope, while waiting for my Sarah (and since having her).
Just my opinion. Again, I do understand the pain...but there's also encouragement and hope when you meet others who have "been there". I hope this makes sense.
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Post by heidiforever on Apr 15, 2006 12:15:42 GMT -5
On the bright side, it sounds like we are all pretty much agreeing on what a great idea it is to have an event like this, to be with each other as we have bonded in our pain! (((((((((hugs))))))))
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Post by heidi on Apr 15, 2006 19:16:35 GMT -5
I experienced infertility for many years. It hurt horribly to see pregnant women and little children. At the place I'm at in life right now, it still does. That said, however, it feels different with people from SG. The people here know what a treasure their children are. They understand how blessed they are to be pregnant. That is what makes all of the difference to me.
Heidi
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Post by Rose on Apr 16, 2006 19:59:04 GMT -5
Of course, I'm always game for this kind of get together.
I have not read everything yet, only gotten to page 2.
Here's my thought about the baby/children issue. We could have a time/sessions where we meet as our board ~ IHAM, MTOM, PAM, MAM, etc. . .
And if you're on one of those boards after having a living child, we'd having figure something out. But this way we could meet/grieve/etc with those we're closest to from the boards sake.
Or we could have a retreat setting for two days and then one day be a reunion setting. One wouldn't have to attend the whole time . . . if you want informal, you'd just come to that part. . .
Anyway, just my thoughts. I've met Clara and several other wonderful women, but we've all been in the same place together.
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Post by mistygrl70 on Apr 17, 2006 13:46:51 GMT -5
I think a retreat would be a wonderful event for the sg family. Location would definately be a factor for me since I'll be moving back to Canada in a few months.
God bless,
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Post by Clara Hinton on Apr 18, 2006 22:08:27 GMT -5
Dear SG Family,
Thank you all for continuing to give me your suggestions. I *think* I am beginning to form a good plan in my mind that will work for most people.
I would appreciate just a bit more feedback. Planning something of this nature is always more beneficial when we can get a good nucleus of people to attend. We have a lot of Silent Grief members, and I would really like to have some feedback from more of you. Thanks.
Keep the comments coming! ;D
Love, Clara
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Post by jillgibson on Apr 18, 2006 23:30:33 GMT -5
My miscarriage has made me truly apperciate the miracle that my children are. I've never left Avery overnight, and I don't see myself being in the place to be able to do that anytime soon. Since my miscarriage, I really have a problem with people that didn't apperciate the miracles that there little ones were. I think that our losses have changed how we view our children. I understand how sensitive others our being around children and would like their emotional needs to be met through any gathering as well. That said, I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting LindaC about a year ago. Our losses were so entirely different as I had had a miscarriage and she lost her adult child. Avery was with me when we met. And I must say either she is a WONDERFUL actress (and we do know she does community theatre) or she enjoyed meeting Avery quite a bit. So, I do feel it is possible to include children in a gathering.
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Post by lindac on Apr 19, 2006 6:33:44 GMT -5
A SG Retreat would be absolutely wonderful! When any group plans such a venture there are many issues that must be looked at and unfortunately with the diversity of our boards that will be very difficult. We are bonded by the simple fact that we have lost a child, no matter at what stage in life we experienced loss. We want terribly to meet our friends, our support system and of course we all want to meet Clara. Meeting each other is just the most wonderful experience and once you have met your friends here you have an insatiable appetite to meet more. ;D
I have been blessed to meet almost a dozen ladies here and indeed will be meeting another in June. My loss is different only in the fact that I lost an adult child. Being around SG babies doesn't bother me (love to get to see all the precious children) however I have seen how very painful it is for those who have had a m/c or a stillbirth and the terrible pain for those going through infertility. Much as I would want to see all of the children here I know how much it would hurt so many of us. Then there is the whole issue of childcare. Finding enough chilcare would be very difficult and there would be times such as any planned sessions with a speaker where babysitting would be needed.
I thought about group sessions for different boards but I know I would hate to be confined to just my own board. There are so many from all of the boards that I would want to meet and spend time with.
Another issue is those that are pg and would want to come. We all rejoice when another here who has been ttc is successful but again, that is so very painful for many even thoughwe all are happy for them. I remember our wwww trip. There was a guest at the spa who was pg and it seemed that everywhere we went her pg belly was there to taunt the others. We don't want to exclude anyone from this but these are real issues for many. No matter how this is planned there will be those who feel left out or hurt. Unfortunately that is a reality of life. Maybe have a retreat for a few days and plan that those pg or who have children with them could attend the first part (and those who wouldn't be bothered of course) and then the last part be for those that it would be a challenge for. Maybe that would allow for everyone to make their decision about what part of the retreat they attend.
Location and cost would certainly factor in too. In the meantime I highly recommend that if you can plan get togethers with your friends here (mini meetings) you do so. It is just the best thing to get to meet.
Blessings,
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Post by threebythree on Apr 19, 2006 7:20:25 GMT -5
Hmmmm ~ I have been pondering back and forth what everyone has been saying and I do see both sides of this.
I just feel that no matter what, people are going to be hurt and hurt bad. Like was said before, seeing children and pregnant people is a part of every day life. It is the circle of life and it's how the world turns and continues! I just feel that this will turn into a segragated (sp?) reunion of some sorts. These pregnant women.....they have suffered. They have been through heck and back and they are STILL struggling. We are rejoicing with them in the miracles that they have achieved! And the MAMers??? Why should we be left out and OUR miracles left behind? We don't all have options such as leaving our kids with another parent or grandparent. There are so many stages of grief on this board. But we can't JUST focus on the grief. We have to also be able to have some joy. For some that just won't be possible and i do understand that. I am not passed my grief part having just suffered a loss a few weeks ago. I just feel that we will be missing out on alot of people if we are broken down. We are all here to support each other and to rejoice in other's joy and to share in each other's sorrows.
With that being said ~ I like the retreat (well I personally don't like the retreat but can see others would) with a reunion at the end for everyone with their families and that way those who don't want to see children or pregnant people have options yet they still have time before this day to get to know everyone and those who don't want to attend something so structured can hold off until the end and then come and meet everyone.
Just my 2 cents.
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Post by walkersmommy on Apr 19, 2006 7:43:46 GMT -5
The more i've been checking back, I think that not bringing children would keep many people from coming. I know I couldnt without Miranda for sitter reasons etc. I am thinking I would love to just have a reunion, an slightly planned but yet informal meeting!!
I dont know if it would be possible to do structured for those who want it and unstruc for those who dont since we have many different stages of grief. Early in my loss I went to conferences etc and they were very helpful, but I dont think I have a real need for that right now!!
I hope this all makes sense.
Clara, If you need help please let me know, I would be more than willing to do anything I could!!
When would we be doing this? Just curious
Jessica
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Post by Buckeye on Apr 19, 2006 8:00:29 GMT -5
I am definitely in favor of some sort of Silent Grief retreat, but I think Clara has to decide what purpose it will serve -- if it is a retreat so that we can all remember and grieve for our lost children, then I think that having living children and families there is not appropriate. I certainly would not want to bring my children to an event where I know that I would be emotionally drained at the end of a day. If the event is more of a reunion/gathering/get-together so that SG members can meet and socialize and get to know one another, then families and children are appropriate, but having topics of discussion/seminars/etc. are not.
Do you see the difference between the two events? One is to help the members of SG grieve and cope, the other is to celebrate the friendships and relationships that SG has helped to build. The people who post here are in very, very different places in their lives -- many are living their lives with a loss as a memory, while others are still painfully encumbered each day by their loss.
I would suggest that a "formal" Clara-originated, Silent Grief retreat be more of the first kind -- a day or two to help members center on their loss and living with it, without the distractions of children and families. There have been more informal, local get-togethers in the past, and those could continue in whatever way the people attending want -- everyone who posts about them seems to have a great time. And continuing the informal, local get-togethers would ensure that more people are able to attend some SG event.
There is my 2 cents.....
Jen
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Post by danielle on Apr 19, 2006 8:33:48 GMT -5
I am interested... count me in. The regional sounds like a really good Idea. I think it would do our husbands good too to get together and "talk" since they really don't have anyone they feel they can turn too.
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Post by ladybug on Apr 19, 2006 9:57:29 GMT -5
Dear Ladies, I had no idea that when I posted this suggestion that there would be such feedback and differing opinions. I'm so glad to see the amount of interest there is in a retreat/reunion. When the idea of bringing children along was first mentioned, my reaction was " that wouldn't be a good idea at all". I lost my twins at the end of February and am still having a difficult time being around pg women and babies. But now I'm having second thoughts about that. I think that bringing babies and children along would be a wonderful idea. I don't see how I could ask anyone to not bring their precious little ones along. I know that it will be hard for those of us whose loss is more recent than others, but I don't want to steal someone's joy because of my grief. That would be very selfish. Besides, hearing about and especially seeing a baby that has been birthed by a woman who has gone through a mc gives me so much hope that one day that might be me holding a sweet baby.
Someone mentioned child care. That might not be a problem. Between all of us women, I'm sure that we could take turns - maybe sign up for different shifts. We'd still be getting to know each other. Another item that I would like to mention would be the tone for the "get together". If we focus on grief, I'm afraid that the time will be more depressing than anything. I know that we are all going through that process of grieving, but I know how depressed I get and I would hate to see what a group of depressed women would do for each other's moral. Maybe we could make it more of a celebration of life - ours and the children that we conceived. Their lives matter and deserve to be celebrated. They made us mothers, didn't they? Having said all this, I hope and pray that this will work out whether it is in a structured "retreat" setting or just a general get together. I am looking forward to meeting all of you so much.
love and prayers, Danielle
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Post by AlanasMomma on Apr 19, 2006 10:31:04 GMT -5
maybe we could do this but have different ones all over so we could all meet one another. I know that flying to the northeast is not an option for me, as funds are just too tight. But maybe we could have one in the NE, SE, NW and SW?? And then the girls in Canada could hold one and the girls abroad could have one there. I know that this way we wouldn't all be together, but at least we could say we met a few of eachother. What do you all think?? I'd be more than willing to organize one for the Southeastern part of the US.
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Post by threebythree on Apr 19, 2006 12:48:34 GMT -5
Danielle ~ You put it so beautifully. And you made wonderful points.
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