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Post by judiann on Feb 17, 2013 0:51:10 GMT -5
....shocking huh??? I spend my life that way.
Can't , don't know how to do this one....
My Mom is in bad shape but has been that way for a long time...the end is near??? I don't know....
having a hard time coping with the hateful,bitter woman she has become....really not much different then the way she's always been...
don't know why i expected anything to change.
just babbling...no where else to go with this. how sad...
i know you understand
love ya all,
judiann
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Post by jezebel on Feb 17, 2013 22:31:45 GMT -5
I may be of some help I don't know.
My mother was a awful person very mean up to the time she died well I left her in Hospice. I came in from NC to PA when my father told me she said she thought she was dying I think people know when they are. She always wanted attention and she was very mean through out my life oh she did some good but my memories are of more bad then good.
I left on the 19th of Oct. 2008 and on the 24th of Oct. she died my son and father was with her and my son calling me as she took her last breaths telling me this. I did not have any tears for her I felt bad for my father but he had my son then. I detach myself from my mother long ago and I felt we would of been better off without her when I was young.
I also had to tell my mother at times not to treat me like I was 16 or 13 years old and while I was in to help them she is not to talk to me in the manner she was or I would just take off. I find if you let them know how you feel and tell them straight you may hurt their feelings but it will be something you may of had to say in order to get it through their head.
I don't know you situation but I handle my mother this way.
Rhayden
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Post by toxophilite on Feb 18, 2013 0:52:19 GMT -5
((((Judiann))))
It never seems to stop, does it? Life kicks us at every turn and you can't help but ask "Why ME".
Problems with mothers must be worse for women who have lost children. My mother was my best friend, sadly she died at age 69, much too young.
Because we were close, I feel so sad for you not having that relationship. For whatever it's worth, you have dear friends here.
How is your dear little Shoei getting along? She must be a great comfort to you, in spite of your worry about her.
Lots of love to you always my dear, Janet xxx
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Post by joan on Feb 19, 2013 12:10:49 GMT -5
(((((((judiann)))))))) so sorry about the daze and confusion, and the lifetime of problems. As you know I understand and wonder how I will feel when the time comes. I know it will not be easy. Rayden -my mum is mean too, and going strong at age 100. I agree that detaching, and being honest are good with people like this. Janet - you were fortunate to have a mum that was your best friend. I am sorry you lost her so young, judi - all I can say is look after you. We often hang onto the hope that things will improve between us, but, honestly, I do not think they can do it. I know your dad is not well either. This is a hard thing for you to go through. Love, big ((((hugs)))) and prayers Joan  |
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Post by toxophilite on Feb 20, 2013 3:14:08 GMT -5
Two years yesterday for my second loss, coming up four years in May since the first.
Where has the time gone?
The older I become, the more sad stories about friends and acquaintances being diagnosed with life threatening illnesses seem to loom.
Should I just go on accepting this as a fact of modern existence, or am I just burying my head in the sand?
Acceptance seems to be the way I can cope with it, so be it.
Perhaps I should have started a new thread, but it just seemed to roll on naturally.
Just meandering a little here girls and boys. I don't post much but I read this board every day, just to keep in touch.
xxxxxx Janet xxxxxx
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Post by judiann on Feb 20, 2013 19:42:41 GMT -5
Loving (((((((hugs)))))))) to each of you & Thank you....
How to do this now???
It is not good for my Mom....she fell Sunday evening, Dad called paramedic's....thought at 1st, she had broken her back or hip...but she was just too weak to stand on her own. Nothing broke as far as we know..
She is in hospital now for COPD....refuses any X-Rays, cat scans or intrusive medical tests, including blood tests.
Honestly....I can understand why. She's been poked, stuck, prodded, tested enough the last few years.....wants no more.
Talked to her doctor today about a nursing home or hospice....seems that neither is an option.
i'm trying to do this thru my tears......i'm dome
me
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Post by joan on Feb 20, 2013 21:53:07 GMT -5
(((((((judiann)))))) I understand that she has had enough, too.
Does no NH, no hospice, does that mean they are keeping her in hospital?
I also understand when you say you are done.
Hugs and prayers - about all I can do, but know I care.
Joan
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Post by judiann on Feb 20, 2013 23:46:35 GMT -5
what i understand, what i've been told....these are her last days
when it will happen?? don't know but will be fairly soon....
for Her sake, I hope so....she has suffered way too long, too much & sadly for us...we really didn't know how bad...she refused ti tell us.
will see ya when i can
judiann
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Post by toxophilite on Feb 21, 2013 2:20:37 GMT -5
((((Judiann))))
Ditto to everything Joan said. I hope for your sake it will end soon.
Don't blame yourself because you didn't know how bad it was. Your mother chose to go this way and it isn't your fault.
Always here for you my dear, Love, Janet xxxxxx
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Post by joan on Feb 21, 2013 11:00:19 GMT -5
(((((((judiann))))))) - I know this has tio be very bard. Keep in touch. Joan
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Post by lindac on Feb 21, 2013 11:24:44 GMT -5
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Judiann))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
My heart and my prayers are with you. It is especially hard when you have gone through so much with your mother but it all comes down to she is your mother. You have done the best you can. I feel for your mother as she has never realized what a wonderful daughter she has. It had to be hard for her to be so bitter and mean. We can't pick blood family but we can have a family of our own making. We have a special family right here.
I am praying for this to be as easy on you as is humanly possible. Just keep breathing, take one day at a time and know we are all here.
Many hugs.
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Post by Dougsmom on Feb 21, 2013 18:21:04 GMT -5
((((Judiann)))) Know that you are loved and cared for by your friends here, you will get through this, and they will help.
Love you bunches and sending more hugs than can fit here,
Leslie
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Post by judiann on Feb 23, 2013 18:32:56 GMT -5
i'm soooo lost here.... i spent almost 2 hrs with mom tdoay......1st time in Years that we sharesd time alone , together...i'm still in shock... i wonder why i say such things....knowing Always that., do I matter to her life?  i'm done..... tooo much, too hard to deal with, love ya all, judiann |
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Post by joan on Feb 24, 2013 1:18:34 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((judiann)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Love you too!
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Post by lindac on Feb 27, 2013 8:33:43 GMT -5
(((((((((((((((((((((Judiann))))))))))))))))))))
Of course your mom loves you. I think she is just very bitter and finds it impossible to say or show that. She may be afraid to admit that because if you love you can lose or be rejected. Something has happened in her past to make her the way she is. She puts up a defense shield in order not to be hurt. Nobody wants to be so miserable. Imagine living like that every day. How very drainng.
Know that you are loved here and we can always listen. Be sure you are taking care of yourself. It is easy to overlook eating right, getting rest, etc. when we are going through a rough patch but you need to take care of you. YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!!!!!!! We love you Judiann.
Sending tons of hugs.
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The 3 Terrors 