Amanda

[ourprincesschloe]

(((((Michele)))))

Thinking of you today and always. I am so sorry for the loss of your Amanda. I hope the day is peaceful for you.

Chris

[myangelamanda]

Thank you for thinking of me, my friend. The moments leading up really are awful as all of us here now. I keep trying to not let myself "go there", but I just know that tonight, around 2am, I will wake up and I will know why. Date wise, today is such a difficult day as it's the date we had to decide something no parent should ever have to decide for their child. Day wise, it was a Saturday ... 7 years ago ... that my husband and I left the hospital without our daughter. 7 years tomorrow. Can it really be that long since I've seen my child?

[ccrosby]

(((((((MICHELE)))))))
thinking of you and your family today.

[weeblemom]

Michele,

I'm so sorry. I will be thinking of you tonight. ((((Hugs))))

Jennifer

[jaredsmommyforever]

Dearest Michele,
I was going to get up during the night to start a thread for you but then figured I'd do it in the morning- so glad Chris came and did so. You know I have been thinking of you for weeks, but especially this past week and mostly today. My heart is with you and sweet Amanda. I hope this time is as gentle on you as possible, which is not saying much, I know. We are all holding you in our thoughts and hearts.

With lots of love,
Denise

[myangelamanda]

Thank you, girls, for thinking about me during such a difficult time. As we all sadly know, sometimes the only comfort is knowing others understand exactly how we're each feeling every step of the way.

(((((hugs))))) to all of us here who have to live a life without our child.

[judiann]

((((((((((((((Michele))))))))))))))))

In Loving Memory of....
your sweet, precious Amanda....

I pray today & the days to come are soft, gentle on your heart
& soul.....

Holding you in my heart, keeping you & your family...in my thoughts & prayers...as always.

((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

Love,
judiann

[missingisaiah]

Thinking of you today, of having seven years ago to leave without your precious daughter. May today be as gentle as possible.

[pamela]

((((((((((((((((((((Michele)))))))))))))))))~

Thinking of you and Amanda today and always.

Love pam

[myangelamanda]

Thank you to all of you. You want to know what one of the hardest parts of yesterday was for me and it was something that caught me completely by surprise?

I went onto Jason's Facebook (which I do monitor) and read what he wrote on his wall: R.I.P. Amanda. I love you (with a heart but I don't know how to make one). He not only received an enormous outpouring from all of Amanda's friends (who are now in 10th grade), but from his own friends (some of whom never even knew Amanda). It's just SO wrong that a 13 year old has to make a post about his deceased sister. He should be posting what all his friends post. Just broke my heart.

But ... that got me wanting to read his news page and there ... posted all day long ... were postings from so many of Amanda's friends. I stopped counting. Boys, girls, neighborhood kids ... Things like "I miss seeing your smiling face" or " I can't believe it's been 7 years since I saw you" or "I will never forget you" or "I still have pictures of us when we did such and such in my room" etc ... I mean ... I was just in awe that after all these years and all this time that these kids, who were only 8 or 9 themselves at the time, still remember and think about and miss Amanda.

Reading what Jason wrote just broke my heart yet reading what all of her friends and classmates wrote helped piece it back together. I was so sad for Jason yesterday.

Thank you for thinking about me, though. It helped enormously.

xox

[missingisaiah]

Michele, how wonderful Amanda's friends still care about her and posted they still miss her.
I am sorry Jason knows the horrid grief of losing a sister. But, I am glad he felt free to share that grief and so many responded in a kind way.

[jaredsmommyforever]

Wow, Michele. That is so powerful. I am so sorry for Jason, but so glad he has so much support. Your special Amanda is still shining through to so many in so many ways.

xoxo

[jaredsmommyforever]

How's the aftermath, Michele? Is there any relief getting through the anniversary? How are you doing?

xoxo

[myangelamanda]

Oct 4, 2011 11:57:40 GMT -5 jaredsmommyforever said:

How's the aftermath, Michele? Is there any relief getting through the anniversary? How are you doing?

xoxo

(((((((Denise))))))))) thanks for asking. I know you are also 7 years without Jared. Not sure if what I'm feeling right now you felt or are feeling, but here goes.

How's the aftermath? Much harder than I thought to be honest. You know how we say the 7 year "itch" with marriage I'd like to say for the 7th year without my child it's the 7 year "pit". I feel such negative emotions towards so much when I had been in such a peaceful place this past year. I am, once again, more aware of what I don't have that others do still have. My heart literally is so heavy with anger and bitterness that I can feel it in my chest. I'm envious of all my friends whose lives are going as planned. I'm angry with those same friends for the stupid petty things they bitch about. Oh I could go on and on and on. Bitter. Angry. Guess that sums it up.

Maybe I'll start to come around to a more peaceful and less volatile place as the month moves along, but right now I feel like I'm allowed to feel this way and once the wave passes and I can breathe again I know the negativity will subside too. Sad, but I guess that's experience talking right?

Thanks for asking. It felt good to get it out.

xox

[missingisaiah]

Michele, except for the 7 years since death of child, I could have written this post! I feel the same way. I hope soon you will be able to move to a more peaceful place.