Amanda

[jaredsmommyforever]

Yes, sadly, Michele, that is experience talking. Seven years of too much experience, to be exact. I am sorry this year has shifted and is feeling so hard. Anger and bitterness make perfect sense to me...

My pleasure to ask.

[myangelamanda]

(((((((Brenda)))))))) I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. ((((((((((Denise))))))))))))

[jaredsmommyforever]

((((((((((Michele))))))))))

I hope today was okay, my friend. Thinking of you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[ourprincesschloe]

(((((Michele))))) Had to hold back tears while reading about Jason's FB page. I think that I'm here tonight because Brianna told me that she has a test on Dec. 13. She asked me if she could take it on the Dec 12 or 14 because she didn't think she'd be able to focus. I'm not quite sure what to do. I don't want to ask for special consideration, but I can see her point about focus.

The past few weeks, I can feel "it" more. I can feel that grinding weight upon my chest exhausting my body and mind. I am riddled in guilt. A couple of days ago, I read some article about a mother leaving 11-month-old twins in a bathtub, and made the mistake of reading the people's comments below. I wanted to kill myself on the spot. Had I been younger and more spontaneous I probably would've, but I guess age provides the experience of knowing that tomorrow I will be able to control that feeling.

I'm not sure why I rambled all that. I just wanted to say that I was GLAD that Jason's friends were being supportive. Brianna had an incident last year where there were a couple of girls saying that she was "using" Chloe's death to get attention. I was very angry as Brianna told me of the TWO mentions she made to these girls and BOTH were legitimate. One was on her angelversary and the other on her birthday. Grrrr. . . mean girls. My very best friend is the mom of one of the girls, and she called to tell me that she thought they might be right and maybe Brianna needed help. After talking with Brianna, I told my friend that they were NOT right. They were horrifically wrong, and I was very upset with them and her.

Again with the rambling. I just have so much confusion these days that nothing makes sense.

[myangelamanda]

Now it's my turn to hold back the tears. Poor Brianna. I can totally understand her not wanting to take a test on December 13th. For everyone else it's just a regular day ... but for her it is the day her life was forever changed. It brings it all back for us moms ... it definitely brings it all back for the siblings too. I have always said the siblings suffer in horrible ways after loosing a brother or sister ... sometimes their suffering is more silent than even ours has become.

My heart is just broken for Brianna and for you as her mom. How horrible must those girls be to say what they said to her? Every year our nation rightfully remembers and honors all the victims of 9/11 and read aloud all the names, but it's not OK for Brianna to honor her sister and say her name out loud without her needing "help"? I suppose your friend must think America needs "help" too then. Seems quite cold and callus if you ask me and totally inappropriate to not take Brianna's life situation and circumstance and turn it into a teachable moment for her child who does not know what lies ahead in her tomorrow. Just sayin' ~

[ourprincesschloe]

Yep. Totally agreed. And, might I add, that my heart goes out to all those families of victims of 911, but again, in a weird way that jealousy pops up here. . . why do they get to have the whole world remember their loved ones and yet if I even shed a tear on the day Chloe died, people run. grrr. . . again, they deserve their grief. . . that's not my point. . .I think you all will get what I'm saying. . . and if there is anyone here from 911. . . my intent is not to offend you. . . again, you deserve to grieve. . . I m just commenting on how differently people look at situations. . .

Thanks Michele. Can't tell you how much I have missed you. I remember you telling me how you got out all the hospital records at five years. . .how hard it was. . . I believe you.

[missingisaiah]

I hope Brianna is able to take the test on a different day.
This must be the year for stupid comments from people. Poor Brianna is told she is using Chloe's death to get attention. I was told I am focusing so much on his death because I am afraid of forgetting him. I wish people would just shut up!!!!!!!!
It's funny that I came on here today and read the comment about the victims of 9/11. Earlier today a song written about that day popped into my head, out of the blue. I can't remember what country singer sang it, maybe Alan Jackson. Anyway, one of the lines is, "Where were you the day the world stopped turning?" When I thought of that line, I thought that yes, I hurt on that day, felt horrible for all the families. But, I didn't know then what it was like to lose a child. For me the day the world stopped turning was October 21, 2006.
And, like you Chris, I wish everyone would remember that day, would speak my child's name out loud, would build a memorial to him, wouldn't think I was crazy to still be hurting because it's been 5 years. Why do those families get to be considered normal for grieving for 10 years, and yet I am abnormal because I grieved longer than 2 years? Of course they are normal for "still" grieving, but we too are normal for "still" grieving.