Trying to remain positive

[lisa]

Okay, so I need to talk and I know that this is a place that I can share my worries since we're all here for the same reasons.

I just really want this baby to be okay and I'm just scared that he/she won't make it. Because my last loss was a blighted ovum I keep thinking "What if this baby is already gone?"

I keep trying to figure out what my intuition is telling me but my intuition is overshawdowed by my past losses. So then I'm not sure if this fear I have that things will not be okay is in fact that intuition or just ghosts of the past.


I get nauseous every once in a while and my breasts get a little tingly and ouchy. I find myself feeling positive about carrying this baby till June then I remind myself to not think anything until I have my u/s on the 22nd. I'd thought about seeing if I could schedule it earlier but anything before that is going to be if-y as far as what we may or may not see so I'm really better off to wait as I'll be 8w3d and at least by then the results should be definite.

I told another friend yesterday that I wish I were one of the people who could say "Until and unless they find something wrong I'm going to just be happy and believe that everything is okay and enjoy this pregnancy!" but I'm beyond that now. I just can't let my guard down and I don't know when I'll be able to. I think "well, if I can make it till the 22nd and there's a baby with a h/b I'll feel better", but then I know very well that I will not feel better till I make it to 12 weeks and still have a baby with a h/b but even then I know first hand that things can still go wrong. Even my poor dear 9-y/o daughter said with a sigh "I wish it were January already and that we knew the baby was okay."

Ugh.

[longleafranch]

Lisa,
Try to remain calm, okay! Just keep focusing on that precious bundle that you KNOW is going to arrive kicking and screaming in July!!! I will say a prayer for you ((HUGS))

[tiffyandemmysmom]

Lisa,
Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and praying for baby to grow and grow. (((HUGS)))

[isabella03]

Lisa...
I hope I can help you feel better. I felt like you every single day in the first few months. I felt like there was no hope for that baby (now, Joey)
I had 2 blighted ovums and I lost 2 babies later in pregnancy. One at 10 weeks and one at 15 weeks (My Isabella)
I thought the pregnancy was doomed. I had an US every week from weeks 7-15. I seen my little one growing and the more I seen him on US the less scared and hopeless I felt, although I still felt hopeless. Just got less and less. When I got passed 15 weeks I breather just a SMALL sigh of relief. When I got to 20 weeks I felt a little better and when I hit 24 weeks, when my baby might be abale to survive outside I got a little less scared, and week by week, I was so grateful and thankful.. By the time I hit 35 weeks, I was like, is this done yet, IM MISERABLE.. LOL... Then there was the fear of a stillborn. It never went away, and to this day, I still fear somethign may happen to him.
It will become less and less but will always be there, and thats totally normal..
Trust me, with the girls here on SG, and your faith in God, you'll get through this.
Ill be keeping you in my prayers and thoughts, you and your baby and your whole family.
God Bless

[ellie]

No matter how we want to feel about something, something stronger from inside takes over. Our brains can be thinking one thing and are feelings do something else. I used to think and still do even now that today I am pregnant tomorrow is a different day and one I shall face in the morning. I cant say dont worry dont stress its natural when we want something so bad and when we get it it means everything to us.
Lisa Im thinking of you darlin and sending calming loving prayers Im always here for you much love to you my friend Ellie xxxxxxxxxxx

[mistygrl70]

Lisa know your in my thoughts and prayers as well.

I feel similar to you. I couldnt wait to make it to 8 weeks.. once there.. it was 12. Now I'm a little over 13.. fear and paranoiya running through me like crazy. Every ache every twinge every pain... fear.

Still, everytime I go to the bathroom I check the tp.

We've all lost our innocence of pregnancy. .. that's what's truly happened to us..because of what's happened.

I hope everything goes perfect for you on the 22nd. Please keep us posted.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers,

Darlene

[liesl]

I still worry about this little one too. It's so hard not to when you've experienced first hand how fragile those little lives are. For me I just had to keep busy especially my first trimester! I learned to knit and did all kinds of things. That was the only thing that got me through! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Liesl

[daisy]

During my early weeks of this pg I was a nervous wreck every second. I would cry constantly and had blood work done every 48 hours and called my doctors office daily with questions. I am much better now (but I have had many good heartbeat checks, a great looking 18 week u/s and all positive blood work behind me). I also passed my scary week (8 weeks and then 12) and that helped me a lot, emotionally. I do know that still things can go wrong but b/c I have limited personal experience with loss I am able to stay focused and positive at this point-MOST of the time. That being said, I think that what you are feeling is to be expected. You have been through so much I wouldn't expect you to feel relaxed and carefree. Unfortunately, you have personally experienced so much tragedy that it must color how you and your family feels during this time. Try to stay positive but don't beat yourself up when you aren't able. Accept that what you have been through changes you forever. (((hugs)))

[andrewsmommy]

Oh my dear (((HUG)))

I know exactly how you feel. When I found out I was pregnant again, the worries ran through my mind like a run away train. We have lost the innocence we once had in regards to pregnancy.

For me I spotted brown one night at about 5 weeks. The same brown I had had with jellybean and that later we found out ment jellybean was gone. I freaked. On my hands and knees sobbing, snot running out of my nose, etc. We went to the ER know there was nothing that could be done if we were going to loss the baby but we needed to know. That need to know can consume hever second and every breath.

We had an ultrasound and there was a tiny little blip of a baby WITH a hearthbeat. Did I relax? Oh for about 30 min.

I have since had another ultrasound at 8 weeks and there was a tiny blob with a heartbeat. Did I relax? Oh for about 45 min.

What I am saying is I doubt I will ever relax. I live for the next ultrasound to see that little heartbeat, but up till the appointment I am a mess and shortly there after I begin to worry again.

It is so hard to let your gaurd down. You want to be happy and excited but you don't want to get hurt again. All I can say is I totally understand and am here if you need to talk.

[karakim]

I really know how you feel. I felt that way so much in the beginning too. Because you are so afraid you cant trust your intuition. Too many mixed emotions going on in your head for you to actaully hear THE TRUTH!
I am now 24 weeks, and Im just now getting past all of the negative feelings and scarry thoughts. And Im actually starting to think that I will be bringing home a beautiful baby girl!

A couple of things that helped me get thru this time was prayer and meditation. Have you ever tried meditating? Sometimes its really hard to do but just get really comfortable layind down or whatever, and say a prayer. Ask God to show you, not what you are afraid of, and not what you want but only to show you the truth. And then breathe deeply and TOTALLY empty your mind of ANY thoughts of anything. (thats the hard part!) Even if nothing comes to me when I do this, it helps relax me.
Another thing that helped is like you said. . .just try to be happy and enjoy this pg until you know for sure that something is wrong. I know its a lot easier said than done, but you can try!
I hope this helps! YOu are not alone

Kim

[heidi]

Hugs. The one thing that helped me through what you're describing when I was pregnant with my son was to concentrate on how blessed I was. No matter how long he was able to stay with me, each moment, each day was a blessing. I held him close to my heart and tried to remember that. I'm sorry this has to be so hard. Don't you wish you could just be oblivious to the reality of what can happen?

Heidi

[catt]

Lisa
It is very hard I know
You have to pray and trust in God
everything will work out

my intuition is also shadowed by 2 losses
we must keep a very positive attitude

it's ok to talk about it
i think i feel the same way

[teacher4]

I know how you are feeling...I am in my 'danger' zone.

Just try to remain positive and optimistic.

Hugs
Dominique

[mommy2five]

I know exactly how you are feeling. Try to stay calm and take it one day at a time.

Sending you (((((hugs)))))

Christina

[Kayla's Mommy]

(((Lisa)))

Sending you big hugs sweetie. I know how hard it is to try and remain calm and positive. I am keeping you and your little precious bundle in my prayers!!!