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Post by bennysmommy1 on Jun 20, 2006 10:35:47 GMT -5
I look on this site quite often but have yet to post. I guess this is a good a palce as any. I cant go into details because it is still tooo hard even though I am coming up on the 2 yr mark in about 2 weeks. Benjamin was COOl! I know that everyone says that about their kids ,you could see it in his eyes,he knew it and knew that you knew it too. He wasn't rude ,very polite little boy.He lived to hold the doors for any lady that he saw,at dept. stores or church or any where. He had hearing problems due to jaundice and being premmie[6 wks].He was tall for his age he was already 4ft tall and5 inches when he died at 5yrs and 5months.He ran out behind my fathers garage on the blind side of it while I was turning the jeep around in the drive way . He app. tripped as the police have recreated and rolled down the drive while I was backing up and he was caught under the rt. front tire and was pinned from the neck to his chest. Our daughter was w/ me and saw him too late. Screaming "BEN" I stopped and she got the call to 911 for me while I tried to free him but w/ the tire turned I could only get my fingertips into him. They came 5 min. later[fire/ rescue] and freed him but he died in my hands holding my fingers and the last words to me whee"MOMMA". I took this as the longest time to be "Momma, didn't you see me? what happened" but now I know that he wanted me to see the light that was my mother coming to take him home to be w/ her in heaven. That maybe tough for some to believe but it has helped me to believe that was what he meant. I will never know what he really meant but for now that will sufice.If any one wants to see what he looked like I have given permission to the website kidsandcars.org to use him in connection to help prevent these type of accidents.Thanks to everyone here,I will keep looking and posting I will try. LIS[Benny2/7/99-7/8/04] forever in my heart.
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Post by misibiss on Jul 28, 2006 14:17:18 GMT -5
Our son Joshua was born five weeks early in December of 2001. He was on the vent but did incredibly well and was able to come home after only 8 days. He has always been a character and a blessing to our entire family. Joshua is number six of seven children. He passed his brother Noah who is 15 months older in height and weight and every one thought they were twins. One blonde one brown.
On July 15th 2006 we went to a church friends house for a swimming party. Two of our older children didn't want to go so, our 14 yr. old son stayed at home with our 2 yr old and our 17 yr. old daughter went to the movies with her boyfriend. Our 17 yr. old son, Matthew, wanted to swim and he offered to help the other adults watch the kids.
During the course of the day, at approx. 4:30 pm a dear friends daughter came running into the house yelling that Joshua had drowned, call 911. At first I thought "ha ha", she is a jokester after all, then I saw her face.
When I got to their side, Matthew and our friend who owns the house (pool) were doing CPR on Joshua. I knew when I saw him that he was already with God and I almost told them to stop. There was a part of me however that continued to have hope.
The paramedics arrived and I believe that they simply went through the motions to make us feel better. They rushed him to the hospital and were planning on meeting with life flight. He was pronounced at the hospital before life flight was able to arrive.
There is a son "Praise You Through this Storm" Casting Crowns- It sums up everything about our lives, especially that day.
I was on my knees before God at the side of that pool begging God not to take my baby, to please breathe life back into him. It started to thunder and then rain, I turned my face to God and cried out "Your Will God, Your Will for Joshua."
I have had total peace over Joshua's death, though I still hurt terribly. My heart aches literally.
We have told Matthew that it is not his fault as well as our friend (the adult) that was watching the kids. She happens to be a Dr. as well.
Every one at the pool had thought that Joshua had come into the house with us, Mommy and Daddy, and some of the other kids. At some point "Chewbie" must have gotten back into the pool and forgotten his floaties.
It is believed that he had been at the bottom of the deep end for more than 30 minutes when Matthew found him. The pool was cloudy because of new chemicals and no one could see him.
We have already seen many miracles because of our son Joshua. We never knew that God would bless us with such an honor. The honor of being his parents and siblings. Many in our community have already excepted Christ because of our story. WOW!
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Post by angelmischasmom on Aug 6, 2006 21:27:31 GMT -5
I have been a part of this group for awhile now but I am not sure if I have ever shared Mischa's story so here it is. My husband and I found out we were pregnant in August of 2005. We were very excited. I have two other kids from a previous marriage but she was his first. My pregnancy seamed normal I just had a few more pains but the dr said it was because it was my third pregnancy. I was going to school and doing everthing I had always done. I was pretty careful though. I started having braxton hicks contractions in late december. I had them every night. They always lasted for at least two hours and some times I could stop them and some times I could not. I was scheduled for a 4 d us on the weekend of Jan 16 just so we could see our baby. But my son started having seizures again and had to be admitted to the childerns hospital for the weekend. I never had the us done. That week I went to my ob and they said every thing was going well and that they would see me back in two weeks. I told the nurse practiotioner that I had been having contractions but she did not look concerned I was only 30 weeks and had never had a pre-term baby before. I went back two weeks later and told them again I was still having contractions they said that was normal. Two weeks later I saw my ob and told him again I was having contractions every night and that they always lasted at least two hours he did not seam concerned so I went on with business as usuall. The next week on Feb 15 at 35 weeks I stared having contractions again. Same as everyother night. So I went on with my business. I did not want to go to the hospital every night I had two other kids that I had to take care of. I stayed home and went to bed. At midnight I decided that I better go to the hospital because they were not going away and they were getting annoying. I go there at about 1 am because we had to get the other two kids up and too my dad's house. When I got to the hospital the nurse told me I was dialated to a six..OOPS. I had Mischa at 4 40 am. In four pushes she was out. When she was born the Dr told me she had a cleft lip and palate and her face would look flat but that it could be fixed. They let us hold her and then they took her to the nursery and told me to go to sleep. When we woke up at 8 am they took me to the next room. My husband went to ck on her and he did not come back. I went to find them and they told me that she was on oxygen and had IV's because she could not take a bottle because of the cleft. Then they told us they were going to take her to the childerns hospital and see if any thing else was wrong. I made my dr let me leave the hospital so I could go be with her. When we go there they told us it would be a while before we could see her. When they let us see her they told us they thought she had trisome 13 which is a chromosome disorder that is incompatiable with life. They also told us she also had holoprosencephaly which is when the brain does not divide properly. They did some test on her and the geneticist said she did not believe it was trisome 13 but that she did have holoprosencephaly (HPE) and that she would probably die with in the week. On friday the 17th they sent her home on hospice. When we got home I breast fed her and she seemed to do better. The nurse came and saw her on Saturday and said that every thing looked good. On saturday night my husband kept her with him for a while so I could sleep and then they came to bed at ten and I fed her again. I woke up at mid night and fed her agian. I woke up at 2 30 and she was gone. I knew she was because her lips were cold. but the rest of her was still warm she had not been gone long. We called hospice and the nurse came out it took him a while to get here because It was icy and as Texans we do not get along with ice. The funueral home took a long time too. So for about 6 1/2 hours we held our baby and cried. We miss her so much......If you want to see pictures you can visit her web site at angelmischa.tripod.com.
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Post by Jaleel's Mommy on Aug 19, 2006 1:00:22 GMT -5
My name is Stacey and I am a mother of 3 wonderful children. Michaela is 7 years old, Nicholas is 6 years old, and then there is Jaleel he was born May 18,2006. We were so shocked when we learned I was pregnant again. I only planned on ever having two children which I had already. Although we were shocked and scared we were very happy to be having another baby. I looked foward to the birth of our newest addition to our family. At this time my other children were visiting my parents 1200 miles away. I was to have a planned cesearan with him beacuse I had already had two cesearans due to my narrow pelvis. The cesearean was planned for Thursday May 18th but Jaleel couldn't wait. I went into labor the day before, but they wouldn't take him until the next day when he was scheduled to be born. Jaleel came into this world May 18,2006 at 8:08 am by a planned cesarean, he was a very healthy baby. He weighed 5lbs and 15.8ozs and 19 inches. When he was born he had the maconium all over him so the doctor wanted to suction him out before he cried for the first time, once they cleaned him up he was fine and we heard his beautiful cry. He was so beautiful. His dad was so proud of his little boy the second he saw him. I couldn't wait to hold him, and meet the little boy that kept kicking me and wouldn't let me sleep most nights. When I saw him I instantly fell in love. He was beautiful. He looked just like his daddy. I breastfeed him just like I did with my other two. I loved bonding with him and knowing no one else could give him what he needed. I loved taking care of Jaleel and he was such a good baby. I just loved holding him and watching him sleep. I could have watched him for hours, and sometimes I did just that. He did love to eat though but he was a very happy baby. I remember his dad telling me I was spoiling him, I didn't agree. I knew that if he cried and I picked him up I was building a foundation of love and trust. Jaleel and his daddy (Allen) had the cutest game they would play. Allen would pucker his lips and blow and Jaleel would copy him. It was so cute and funny. No one believed Allen that such a young baby could do this but he'd show all of his friends as they watched in amazement. Jaleel would only do it for his daddy nobody else, not even me. Allen would leave for the road on Sunday afternoons and that Monday Jaleel would make the kissy face, like he was saying where is my crazy daddy who makes all the silly faces. I would say "Sorry baby, daddy's not here". I think he missed his daddy. I loved Jaleel and I having our own time together all week. I loved feeding him, bathing him, and loved it when he gave me a break and took a nap. I liked when he started getting more alert and I would just talk to him and make my silly faces, I loved looking into his big beautiful dark eyes. He loved music. I remember one night putting the lastest Mary J. Blige C.D. in. I started playing it and he fell asleep. I couldn't believe it. Then later that night I played it again and he fell asleep. I called Allen and told him he was never going to believe it but that C.D. put him to sleep. I remember playing that C.D. for him when I was pregnant and he'd stop kicking. I thought he didn't like the music, but I'm guessing it put him to sleep even in womb. Jaleel loved soft soothing music. His daddy tried to get him into rap but Jaleel wasn't feeling it. When Jaleel was 3 wks 4 days old I took him to his peditrican because Jaleel developed thrush from me taking antibotics from the infection I had gotten from my cesarean, and I was breastfeeding so everything I took he also took in. His doctor confirmed it was thrush and gave Jaleel Oral Nystatin to clear up the thrush to be taken 4 times a day for 10 days. He also prescribed me a topical Nystain to apply to my nipples so I wouldn't be spreading the thrush back to him. He took his first dose of Nystatin around 6pm that night, and took all of it with no problem. I remember he was very sleepy that night, which was weird but I figured he just didn't feel good. He awoke around 10 o'clock that night to nurse. So I changed him, gave him some more Nystain, and nursed him to sleep. Jaleel slept in bed with us. His dad was on the road during the week, so during the week it was just Jaleel and I. So I put him in our bed around 11pm. I got ready for bed around 12:30pm. Tomorrow was my postpartum check up, so I pumped a 5 oz bottle in case he got hungry, and I got in to bed and moved Jaleel over in the bed. He started fussing so I put him on my chest and he calmed down. I remember thinking please stay asleep. I just wanted an hour of sleep before he woke up for his next feeding which was usually between 2-3 in the morning. He stayed asleep and I feel asleep between 12:45pm-1:00am. I didn't know that would have been the last time I would see Jaleel alive. I woke up I think it was 9:30 Tuesday morning, June 13,2006. I realized something was wrong right away. I realized he hadn't woken up to eat at all during the night, and my shirt was drenched from my over flowing milk. Jaleel had not nursed for almost 11 hours by the time I woke up. I looked for him in the bed and he was on his stomach which was odd because I always placed him on his back to sleep. So I flipped you over. Your eyes were closed, your mouth was open a little bit, and you weren't breathing. Your body was cool. I remember calling your name. I ran to the cordless phone in the kitchen, dialed 9-1-1-. I went back into the room with you and started CPR on you as the operator instructed. I don't know why I didn't call from the phone in the bedroom or why I didn't pick him up at all. I remember noticing his fists were clenched and they weren't like that last night. I know this because I took two pictures of him when he was sleeping before I went to bed. As I look at the pictures now I think you look different and your color was different than in other pictures I took of you sleeping. I remember trying to unclench his tiny little hand, but I really couldn't. Were his fists clenched because he suffered? I noticed on the sheet there was a very light pink bodily fluid from him, and noticed a very small amount was dried on the bottom of your nose.He had two marks on his face. One above his top lip and the other was below his bottom lip on his chin. They were light I think maybe like a light purple. Why did he have these marks? His color was still good. His lips weren't purple but discolored a little. I am CPR certified and first-aid certified and I don't know why I didn't start doing CPR when I found him, I did do it but that was when the 9-1-1 operator told me too. I remember his mouth already was opened a little so I tried to get air into him and did chest compressions, but nothing he wasn't responding. The ambulance seemed to take forever to get there. I heard them pull up so I ran to the door and pointed them to the bedroom where Jaleel was. Allen's(dh) mother came running when she saw the ambulance and asked what was wrong. I told her Jaleel wasn't breathing. She started crying, and I wasn't. I think I was still in shock. While the paramedics were working on Jaleel I remember being in the hallway with Allen's mother. I should have been in the room making sure they were doing everything, maybe I was just too scared to look. Now that I think back it didn't seem they tried very hard before they said he couldn't be revived. I remember one paramedic coming out of the bedroom and I think he shook his head "No", maybe he said he was dead, but I can't really remember. Why didn't I go in there and hold him and say goodbye? They told me I had to leave the house so the coroner could examine Jaleel and the surroundings of the house and where he died. I was still in my pajama's and they wouldn't let me get my shoes which were in the bedroom where Jaleel was. I called Allen and told him Jaleel died. He said "Stop playing" I said I'm not. He just kept saying NO and broke down, I never thought I'd see Allen cry because he's always so tough. I waited over at Allen's mother's house while the coroner took 45 minutes to get there and another hour before he came over to talk to us. Brian his nephew came down also, and Allen's niece, sister,daughter, & his nephew's girlfriend all came down to be with me. When he was finished he came over to Allen's mom's house and talked us. Asked me questions about last night before I went to bed and when I awoke that morning and found him. When I was allowed back in the house Jaleel was already put in the coroner's car. I asked to see him one last time but he told me no and said I don't want to se him I want to remember him the last time I saw him alive. I should have begged him to let me hold him and say good-bye. His sister Rose also asked if she could see him but the coroner told her no also. She also asked the time of death. He said 6am, but I knew that was wrong, because he didn't go from 10:30pm at night to 6:00 am in the morning without waking up to eat. I asked the coroner if he'd be okay in the backseat. He's just a little baby. He insured me he would fine, that he would take good care of Jaleel, and I could trust him, he said he had five kids of his own. I so wanted them to put him in his carseat but I never said that, I guess fear they'd think I was crazy, and then the coroner was gone and with him my poor precious baby boy Jaleel. Jaleel was gone forever just like that. When I walked in the house they left the packaging from the sheet they covered him in on the table and Anitra said they left the "do not cross sign" up in the bedroom, but thankfully Anitra took it down before I came in. How insensitive of them to leave that stuff in the house. Allen's daughter Anitra, his neice Wendy, his sister Rose and his nephew's girlfriend Sadarea came to be with me until Allen got home. He was in Tennessee and would take him 6-7 hours to get home. His family went and got something to eat and brought be something back but I couldn't eat. How could I, my son just died. I can't eat when I'm upset. His sister told me I could take a nap but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep in the bed Jaleel died in. The coroner had to take one pillow, the sheets, and the comforter for testing. Allen made it home about 5-6pm I think. He walked in and just started to break down. I felt so bad and helpless. I know it was so hard for him to come home and not see Jaleel. When ever he came home I'd usually be holding Jaleel and he'd say hi to Jaleel, because he missed him so much during the week, while he was on the road. The next day they did the autopsy on Jaleel. Thursday night we had the wake for him. Before the wake Allen and I went to go see Jaleel. He did look good, he just looked like he was sleeping. I just wanted to pick him up and take him home, and have everything be okay. But I know it will never be okay without him. Allen's family came to the wake(my family is in New Hampshire) and we all said good-bye to Jaleel. I touched Jaleel's little hand. When everyone left I said good-bye to Jaleel. I told him I was so sorry I couldn't save him and how much his Daddy and I love him and we will always love him and miss him. I couldn't leave my baby though. Finally Allen came in and got me. I just couldn't leave my baby forever. I could have just stayed there and looked at him forever. That friday morning we had the funeral for Jaleel. We had a graveside service for him. Anitra read the poem "Just Those Few Weeks" and the pastor said a few words about Jaleel. It was so hard. They buried him while we were all there. It was hard to see them put my poor little precious baby in the ground, but I had to look, I just couldn't walk away. Then we all went to Allen's mother house afterwards. Since I had written this story I had called the coroner that handled Jaleel's case. He told me Jaleel did not die from SIDS like we all thought. He died from accidental suffocation due to co-sleeping with me. This is very hard to live with. It's hard enough not having my baby here, but to know although it was an accident it was still my fault, that's hard too. I just want to do that night over & would make sure he was still alive. The coroner said he just might have been sleeping to close to me and suffocated.I try to think that when Jaleel left this world he was next to his mommy so he didn't die alone, and he felt the love and warmth of the one person that loved him the most in this world beside his daddy, and that's me his mommy. If you are reading this and you co-sleep I want to ask you not to in memory of my precious son Jaleel. Thank you for listening to the story of how Jaleel left us to be with God.
~Stacey
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Post by catt on Sept 4, 2006 1:02:09 GMT -5
i;m so sorry for your losses
Stace.........thank you for reminding me that co-sleeping is dangerous
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Post by Jaleel's Mommy on Sept 4, 2006 3:28:22 GMT -5
It's my new job Catt in Jaleel's memory. Haven't talked to you lately! Hope you & Jeni are doing good, love ya!!! ~Stacey
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Post by dansmom on Sept 8, 2006 20:14:40 GMT -5
Here’s my story extended, hopefully I wont quit it before I get it all out.
All I have ever wanted in this earthly life was to be the mother of a son. My husband Chris and I had been together for two and a half years without getting pregnant, I finally gave up and got a job, said to myself “it will happen when it happens” after three and a half months of a physically and emotionally hard work I quit my job. the day I quit was the day my DH took me to the emergency room. It was a four hour wait until I saw my childs heart beating on the ultrasound!!! I was six weeks pregnant and the ER doctor told me that I had a “failed miscarriage” because the baby was still alive, and that I would probably lose the baby within the next couple of days, and not to come back in if I did because they couldn’t help me. I got an OB, she told me that there are not even statistics for a baby surviving a “placenta abruption” that early in pregnancy because it never happens, and that I would probably lose the baby within 16 weeks gestation. I put myself on bed rest hoping to save my baby. I went back to the OB… Then again…. And again… At 20 weeks I went to find out how my baby was doing, despite the abruption and the ever enlarging blood clot my baby was growing and healthy, long and large for his gestation. I guess somewhere along the four months I spent in bed watching bad TV I came to know that my baby was a boy, I called him Noah in my mind and heart silently months before he was born, I spent time reading to him, I read him the “Little Prince” several times (ironic huh?) I crosstitched and hand sewed little things for my baby, my boy. The first time I felt him kick! Boy was it a kick! Chris was right there! And we felt Noah kick for a half hour! He was a very active baby but his heart beat was never stressed he was doing so good! Everyday he spent inside me was a hope and a blessing, a great joy, I got to know his personality so well, his habits, his likes and dislikes… My son was born in the very early morning of April 1st 2004, 24 weeks gestation ,I woke to go the bathroom (what pregnant woman does not?) and could not go back to sleep my back hurt so bad, it hurt so bad I felt like throwing up, I didn’t even know I was in labor until my water broke. While the ambulance was on the way DH helped me give birth to our 4lb 11oz 16 wk early son in our bed at 1:04 AM, it took all of ten minutes, I really don’t remember all of what happened for the next couple of hours I was in such shock, I do know the ENT that took care of me… his name was Jeff, he kept asking me if I knew to make sure I was still with him. They cut Noahs cord and made sure he was breathing, they took him to our rural hospital 15 minutes away, with me right behind it was so cold! It was 32 degrees!, they transferred me to our OB’s hospital a hour away, it was six in the morning before I stopped shaking and they came in and told me that Noah was here at the hospital with me in NICU, they wouldn’t let me see him until they made sure I had eaten and was truly ok. It was 11 in the morning, The nurse wheeled me into see him, they where repairing the regular door so she took me in the back door… she wasn’t supposed to. Not that it matters now but I saw the other nurse working on my baby, I don’t even know what she was doing but it was shocking… there he was laying in the special crib with all those things going in and out, laying on top of his premie diaper it was so huge! he looked so red under the heat lamp, I stood up next to the crib, I guess it was the shock and the heat from his lamp. I fainted flat on the floor…. They took me back to my room and wouldn’t let me see him again, I asked for a breast pump and they never brought it. Noah’s doctor came in to explain the odds of Noah surviving, 1 in 4 is not bad, and 1 in 4 of the first one being totally normal! I was relived, I knew he could beat those odds, he already had been alive this long. Chris and I talked in between times that he was with Noah, he was with him most of the time. We talked about long term plans for us and our son, me going to the hospital everyday, the books I planned to read to him, how long till he came home, getting his things ready, buying diapers. It was about 4 in the afternoon Chris went home to get me some things, I had written him a huge list, after all I had ONLY a blood soaked teeshirt! About 6:20 the nurse came to get me, she didn’t say a thing exept, “you need to come now” I got to the NICU, they ran one more test then unplugged all his cords and handed him to me. The first time I held my beautiful son and really got to look at him, he was dieing. I held him and stroked his arm, and his leg, what sweet soft skin, daddys hands.. mommys feet and cheekbones… what a little handsome boy….. everytime he moved I wanted to scream “PLUG HIM BACK IN” But I knew he was leaving and I couldn’t stop him, slowly he just stopped moving… I held him for an hour and a half before Chris got there… I cannot even put into words the next hour… all I know is that I was transformed and I will never be the same. Over five months of hope all came crashing down on me. He fought so hard, why was he gone now?
Ok…. Heres another go at the story…
I just reread what I wrote… its like im reading it about someone else.. I think im watching a movie or a stranger.. Im pretty sure I have blocked so much out. Im a feeling stuffer.. this will be the very first time EVER that Noahs story will be written down… Its my story… its DHs story and my little Dans too!
Ok… lets not go into all the details of the funeral, basically we buried him in my hometown in Ut, 1800 miles from where we live now, its so hard to have his grave so far away, but at the same time I feel he is watched over there.. it’s a very peaceful cemetery, I wouldn’t have him anywhere else, well… besides my arms… We buried him on the traditional Easter day… I wrapped him in the blanket I made him.. a frolicking snoopy dog with the moon and stars… I layed on him the crosstich I had been making him, and only finished on the drive to the funeral, it’s a little teddy sitting in the clouds gazing at the stars… it wasn’t raining at the funeral… it was blazing hot sun, odd for a april morning in Ut… I don’t actually remember a lot of the funeral.. or the next several weeks.. I was to numb, and in such denial, I refused to believe that this was happening to me, that my son was actually gone…
I left my DH for 6wks… stayed near my sons grave, hang with friends and family, about ruined my life, but who really cares anyway? I was living on krispy kreme, black licorice, and Bacardi silver…. And antidepressant…. I really don’t want to think about those few weeks, the lives I almost ruined, chucking rotten apples at my pregnant sister.. most of all… my best friend ever understanding.. Im sorry for the place I put him in… and the grief I caused my husband on top of his grief for his son… now would be a great time to just not wake up in the morning… to just “end it all” …. I didn’t… I went home to my husband… The month of September … I went to the store to get supplies for the upcoming storm… hurricane Ivan that would tear thru our state.. I got the regular stuff… canned soup… batteries…. Pregnancy test…. It had only been four months!!! The last thing I ever wanted!!!! NO NO NO…. how could this be happening to me? The hurricane outside was nothing compared to the one raging in my heart…
I said so many mean things in my mind and out loud during my pregnancy.. like “if it’s a girl im giving her away” or “it’s a tumor” or “it’s the devils baby, your going to see horns and a tail on the ultrasound” I said so many things that no mother should ever say about their child. I never never ever want Daniel to be told ANYTHING about that time in our lives… when hes old enough to understand I ONLY want him to know the good things…
My pregnancy with Daniel was fairly normal… I had a OB I loved… he helped me thru it, with everything needed, DH came to every single appointment, he was more scared than me I think. We went to some pregnancy classes, the nurse started talking about labor, and how to know the difference between false and real, Chris started bawling his eyes out and couldn’t stop… poor thing, and NO ONE in the room had a clue! The nurse is like “the baby wont be born at home, or in the car, that NEVER happens” Im sitting there petrified and Chris is bawling…. What a whacked out pair of wierdos.
Anyway I went into labor with Daniel at the 26th week gestation, it was scary as h*ll, I was on “brethane” to stop the contractions.. DH was working in Atlanta GA, would take him two and a half hours to drive to the hospital, I had a friend on 24 hr standby, I went NOWHERE without a cell phone… SCARY, SCARY, SCARY. Daniel was born on May 11 2005 at 9:27am, a planned delivery at the hospital, and it’s a d**n good thing it was planned cause that kid was born in ten minutes of labor… a good 8lb 8oz.. I was afraid to hold him, I just kept looking at him, I wouldn’t hold him, I was afraid of him dieing if he touched me… I held him some and mostly stared at him for days… for weeks I cared for him expecting him to leave any moment… we had some scary times at 6 wks old when he was congested so bad he had to sleep sitting up, lots of sleepless nights just staring at his little chest watching it go up and down…
Today Daniel is going on 16 months old…everyday is a sad reminder.. and a blessing… a blessing laced with sadness… that our hearts will never be full…. I think Dan will stick around a while more…and I will love him till he leaves…. And then some.
Anyway.. I hope that’s all…. Thank you all for listening to all this…
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Post by heidiforever on Sept 8, 2006 20:33:09 GMT -5
Candace...I don't even know what to say except that is incredible. You are an incredible and amazing woman, and I related to SO much of that. I understand, and I am so very sorry for all that you have been through. Oh hunny! (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))
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Post by mankillerrn on Sept 8, 2006 23:31:56 GMT -5
CANDACE You are a very brave soul and a great friend I love you!! Vicky
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Post by Jaleel's Mommy on Sept 9, 2006 3:52:06 GMT -5
(((((CANDACE)))))) I love you and it truly breaks my heart that Noah is with God instead of in your arms. You are a very strong and brave woman, and know that Noah is always with you, and he is in all our are hearts here at SG!!!! ~Stacey
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Post by dansmom on Sept 10, 2006 8:34:10 GMT -5
I cant belive you guys read all that! ty, you all made me cry.... thanks for being my friends
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Post by patchesmommy on Jan 4, 2007 11:16:33 GMT -5
Hi everyone I am Sara and I have two children on earth and one in heaven.My problems started from the very beginning. It started with bleeding I couldnt even stand up when I did it was all over the floor. I went to the Er at myu local hospital five times and they sent me home each and everytime saying I was fine. My husbad and I took our daughter to Chuckie Cheese and I felt this gush and I thought oh please not blood thnakfully it wasnt but it was my water which wasnt good either I was only 24 week along. When I got home I called the hospital told then what had happened they said that the baby kicked and I peed my pants. That was on a Friday so on Monday I went to the hospital but instead of going to the ER I demanded to go to the OB floor to be checked out. They did a exam said my the didnt see in fluid and my water did not break. I said please do a ultrasound before you send me home. Well she did and there was no fluid everytime the baby made more it leaked out. So I was transferred to St. Vincents Hospital in Indy I was there for three months. Thjey told me I was doing very well and they were going to take the baby my c-section in March. Everything was ok then on March 11 I started having contractions I was excited finally ready to meet the little baby. They were going to take him any way on the 18th so I didnt think anything of it. It was on a Sunday I told the nurse about my pain she checked me I was at 0 hour later I told her I needed to push she sais she would check me again but I wasnt ready well I was I was a 10 the baby was breech so the nurse got on the gurney held the baby so he wouldnt come out did a emergency c-section and Patch was born he weighed 4lbs 1 oz and 17 in long he was precious. They started bagging him right away again I knew he was premature so I thought nothing of it. Well I was pretty doped up whe they came in to the recovery room to talk to us. Telling us Patch was nt going to make it and we should take him of life support this was after like hour and half after he was born. I coildnt even grasp what they were saying my husband and I were young our family hadnt made it up there yet. We went had and took him off trusting the doctors. I should never had done that I should have waited I wanted him to go to Riley. I had a partial placenta abruption that is what caused all the bleeding if the doctors done here would have a done a better exam I could have been placed on bedrest sooner before my water broke I know he would have been fine. He died from Pulmonary Hypoplasia his lungs were brittle from me having no fluid everything developed but his lungs. He would have had a better chance being born at 24 weeks because him being my body at the time did more harm then good. If any one is wondering where is name wil come from I will tell ya we could not thing of a name we couldnt agree on anything. So right before he was born we just finished watching Patch Adams right after the movie ended I went into labor without a name I was just joking with my DH and said what about Patch Abner and he really like it so we named him Patch Samuel Abner. Sorry for any mistakes but I am at the office trying to type my story real quick. Thanks for listening.
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Post by patchesmommy on Jan 4, 2007 11:18:09 GMT -5
Sorry everyone I should have proof read lol
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Post by momofaaj on Jan 6, 2007 15:56:20 GMT -5
Our son 3-1/2 year old son Andrew drowned in our neighbor's pool on October 16, 2006. This is quite a long story so bear with me. My husband and I are older adoptive parents. We were married for 21 years before we adopted our babies at birth. Andrew was born first on 04/08/03 and Alissa on 04/04/04. Like everyone else, we never thought anything like this could happen to us. I do medical transcription from home while my husband operates our retail business. The kids were in separate preschools. Alissa does not get home until 5:30 p.m. but Andrew got out at 2:30. My husband picked Andrew up and brought him home as always then went back to work. I was working when Andrew asked to play outside. We have a six foot fence surrounding our back yard. We never let the kids play outside unless we check on them. I also normally quit working not long after he would get home from school but this day for some reason was different. I helped Andrew carry some toys into the lanai that he wanted to play and just kept on working. I called him every few minutes to check on him or I would go out and he was either in his bedroom or in the lanai. Of note, we have double deadbolts on all doors leading directly outside so he could not get out. The kids are never out front without one of us with them. Andrew came in one last time on his own and put his arms around me and said "big kiss mommy" and I replied "thank you baby". That would be the last time I would see him alive. I honestly cannot tell how long it was that I called him the next time and did not get an answer but when I didn't, I went looking for him. For some reason I went out a locked front door and went to a house under construction next door to us. The gentleman working inside said he saw my son playing in our back yard. I was screaming for him and remember a neighbor coming out of her house and looking at me and walking back in her house. Apparently I was bothering her with my yelling. For some reason I walked over to the opposite side of our house and ended up at the another neighbor's house whose fence our butts up to. I peaked through their fence and to my horror saw my baby in the pool. I jumped in and pulled him out but I could tell right away that it was too late. He was blue and cold. I screamed and screamed for someone to help me and finally another neighbor had gotten home from work and heard me. I called 911 and started CPR to no avail. They worked on him for over 40 minutes in the ER with no success. Apparently Andrew had used a 12 inch plastic table that was in our lanai and climbed the fence to get to the neighbor's yard and fell in the pool. He was buying himself time for me not to check on him when he came in and gave that kiss. I am lost without my son. Every day I am ready to join him in heaven and have tried a few times without success. This is all such a nightmare. DCF also had to do an investigation and came back saying they had never closed a death review summary that read no findings of neglect or negligence. They saw all the locks on our doors to prevent accidents from happening inside the house. The irony of this whole story is that we sold our former home when the kids arrived because we had a pool with a fence, screen room, inside alarms and baby guard because we did not want a fence with small children. My husband is just devastated because he waited all his life for a son and I took that away from him by not watching my baby. Andrew was the most loving child, always hugging and kissing and loved his little sister so much. I do not know how much longer I can go on with this pain.
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Post by Natalie on Feb 7, 2007 19:21:57 GMT -5
Our precious baby boy was born on January 4, 2007. I gave birth to him at 28 weeks. I originally went to the ER for a pain that I was having right under my diaphram. After several tests were run I was diagnosed with preeclampsia, or high blood pressure during pregnancy. I was transported that night, Jan. 1, to another hospital that was more capable of caring for me and for the baby. I was put on bedrest and was being given steroid shots to mature Adam's lungs. They were able to hold off labor until Jan. 4 when my angel graced us with his presence. He was 14.25 inches and weighed 2 lbs even. 3 1/2 hours after I delivered him he was taken off the respirators and breathing on his own. The doctors said that was excellent. He was gonna be a strong little guy. A fighter! I wasn't released from the hospital until the 8th due to my irregularly high blood pressure so I spent many, many hours in the NICU (neonatal ICU) with my baby. The doctors had told us to prepare for good days and bad days due to him being so premature. Every single day he progressed. His O2 sat was 100%, he moved and kicked and flailed around just like he was one of the "big babies". After I was released I spent all of my day with him and would go home to sleep. Just like every other night me and my husband left the NICU in good spirits. Our Adam was doing wonderfully! We went home and got some sleep. The next day it was icy outside so I decided to wait for my husband to get home and he would drive us to the hospital. I called the NICU unit just to check up on Adam shortly before we left. I was told that he had gotten sick and had received a blood transfusion, 2 IV's, and some plasma since I had left him the night before. We rushed to the hospital to see our baby hooked to every machine that they had in that place. His liver was failing, his kidneys were failing, his blood pressure was almost nonexistant, and his lungs were going too. They determined it was an infection and had him on 3 antibiotics, an epi, and vitamin A shots. By the following day, he was so swollen from all the fluids that were being pumped into him he had nearly doubled in size. They continued to administer more and more meds and he steadily declined. On Monday, Jan 15, we were faced with the worst decision I have ever had to make. Every vital organ was only working with assistance and the toxin level in his brain was well over 600. It should be around 45. I held him in my arms as they turned the machines off. His mommy had him as he drew in his final breath. I must have sat there with him for another hour just being with him, rocking him, singing to him. My angel flew back to heaven that evening.
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