Share your child with us

[heidiforever]

Cathy, my God what a story! ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Brought me to tears, it did. I am SO sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. More hugs coming your way hun!

[gabriels_mommy]

I'm so sorry Brie about your darling Quinn. Your's is such a sad story. I know the feeling of thinking there is nothing wrong and then your child is dead. My baby Gabriel died of SIDS early christmas morning, just a couple hours before he was perfectly fine and healthy, and then he was gone. I was the one who realized he was gone, when I reached over and put my hand on him. The most awful feeling in the world.
Love Kristie
ps. i know life seems way to long now, I keep hoping I'll die young, and really can't stand the thought of living till I'm 80, even 30 seems way to old right now, (I'm almost 22)

[brie2222]

Hi kristie. Your baby girl is beautiful. It must have been a terrible shock for you to find your little darling that way. I still hear myself screaming when I saw him for the first time. Thankyou for understanding the age thing. It seems strange to want to be here for my boys but wanting to be there with Quin. My heart is torn to be in 2 places at once. I think Quin knows I will be there soon, just not right now his brothers need me for a little longer yet. One greif in the family is too much let alone 2. Thank god I have them and my darling husband.

[gabriels_mommy]

Gabriel is a boy...

[brie2222]

That makes him even more beautiful. He will knock the socks off those angels up there.

[missingjakedaily]

I haven't told Jake's story yet.
We knew our baby boy had hydrocephalus in my 12th week of pregnancy. The doctor appallingly asked if we wanted to abort since the child would not be 'normal'. We gasped in dismay...there was no way we would surrender to this outrageous idea.
Jake spent 11 days in the hospital's Special Care Nursery.
Istayed with him every day and night. Then he came home. Oh how precious Jake was.
Two months after Jake's birth more fluid had gathered on his brain, the neurosurgeon was quick place a shunt in his head.
We took our beautiful boy home. He grew with lot's of love and faith. He soaked up everything about God he could and told everybody.
By the time he was five he was able to get out of a wheelchair and walk with crutches. He was beautiful. His spirit was amazing. He never complained, never gave up, and never believed he was different from any other child. But he was. He had a great spirit and an amazing Faith adults could not believe. He radiated the Fruits of the Spirit.
When Jake started getting sick, he was seven. The cyst he was born with in his brain had grown and he began a series of brain surgeries. Between April 2004 and May 2005, he endured five of them. In july of 2005 he seemed sick again. Our local hospital transported him to a different hospital than we usually went to, but said we could see one of Jake's doctor's assocciates. Of Course, we trusted him.
We were wrong. He had taken scans of Jake's head and knew that fluid was building but didn't tell us or show us. In fact he lied to us and sent Jake home with Vicodin saying he needed to adjust to the headaches.
He did okay for a couple of days until August 3rd,2005.
Daddy had taken him to the movies and he started vomiting. I put him in his bed and climbed in with him. I stayed up with him all night debating whether to take him to the hospital, but he didn't have a fever and he begged me to lay with him so he could rest in my arms. He kept saying I LOVE YOU MOM-then he said I want to go fishing...I said sure,Jake. He said No, momma, there's a sea in Heaven.
Then he fell asleep, it was 6 am on August 4th when the pain was finally gone.
I assumed he was alright because he said he had no pain when he woke up at 11 and asked to lay in my bed. I carried him there, laid him down, kissed him, told him how very precious he was to me, and said sleep peacefully son, you'll feel better when you wake up. If you don't I will take you to the hospital. He said no momma, I'm okay, and he shut his eyes.
the phone rang. It was our pastor calling to chack on Jake. I was on the phone 12 minutes. I said goodbye and hung up while walking back to my bed.
I saw his lips were blue, I felt his chest, frantic to feel anything-there was nothing.
Iknew CPR, but everything was escaping me. I furiously dialed 911. I put Jake's limp body on the floor and began Cpr with the help of the voice on the phone.
It felt like forever for the paramedics to get here. I wasn't willing to give him up, I felt I couldn't stop the CPR.....everything from then to the hospital is a blur.
I had rode in a seperate ambulance, hearing the ambulance Jake was on- they had gotten him back.
He was in the trauma room when I got there, I ran in. Here was my baby, my sweet and innocent child. They lost him five times and brought him back.
He never regained any form of consciousness. The helicopter came for him and Life lined him. It was horrible to let him go knowing it would take me an hour to get there.
My husband works in the town where they flew Jake, someone called him so he could be there when he landed.
They did every test they could. He was alive because of the machines only. He had no blood flow to his brain- he was literally gone.
We believe he went to be with Jesus in our bed that morning.
But the morning of August fifth 2005, I held my son- no tubes or wires, and sang to him as I let him go. His heart heald on for 20 minutes, though he never drew a breath.
I was bleessed to hold this child when he entered this world, and blessed to have held him while left me to touch the face of God.

Since Jake passed 11 people have come to know Christ as a direct result of this childs testimony- his great faith. That's what keeps me going.

Whenever I see a motorcycle or M&M's, even tractors, I stopped to enjoy the things my son loved.
The doctor who treated him knew he had too much fluid on his brain- he lied to us and he is responsible. Now we face a lawsuit in hopes of getting some hospital policies changed.

[brie2222]

My heart goes out to you Mandy this must have been a terrible terrible time for you.
You never no he might have met my son up there and they are playing together in peace.
God bless you and take care of yourself.

[megeliza]

Ricky was the greatest gift I ever received. I work as a neonatal intensive care nurse... and never would have imagined that my work would come home with me in the way it did. He was very ill all throughout the 8 months he lived in our unit. Had he had family involved with his care - he would have gone home much earlier. Instead, since I had bonded with him from his birth, I worked to get my foster care license to bring him home with me.

He was the most beautiful and amazing little boy I have ever known. I tried my best to help him get better... but somehow it was not enough. His liver failed this past October - and he died in my arms just 3 weeks after his 1st birthday.

I could never love a biological child more then I loved my little boy. In some moments, I miss him so much I can't breathe. In others, I am overwhelmed that God chose me to be the mother to such an incredible child.

Please take some time to look at his website. It has brought comfort to many in ways that I never know. And it helps to know that others are still learning about his life...[/color]

[tricia]

i lost my beautiful daughter georgie on april 8 2006,not even 2 months yet..she jumped out of my suv before i was completely stopped anxious to get her sister..she fell under and i killed my baby girl,just 9 years old...the grief and the guilt are more tha i can bear..i dont want to live in a world without her but i have 2 older kids who need me..how can i do this??my husband tried to kill me because i killed georgie and now there is a restraining order against him...pray for my kids plesae

[heidiforever]

Oh my gosh Tricia, I am so sorry! Yes, of course, I will pray for your whole family. Any time you want to come and talk with us, we are here!

[mommyofxandd]

My name is Marlainna Ive looked at your site a few times I just decided to join.I had my 2nd son March 28th 2006 He was perfectly healthy he scored a 9.9 on his apgar the labor was easy 3 pushes and he was out. Perfect shaped head of black hair alert 7lbs 12 oz. He was soo perfect.The day after I had him the doctors told us he had a heart murmer but he should outgrow it and just to follow up with a cardiologist in a month. We were released when he was 2 days old everything normal. April 1st was the last night he was alive. His father came home from work and spent time with us. I breast fed and his dad would always burp him when I was finished. That night I was extremely tired because my father had brought my 3 year old home so taking care of my 3 year old and breast feeding a newborn every hour on the hour took it out of me. His father was tired too he had just got out of work. I breast fed Demetrious and his father burped him We were all laying in bed Demetrioud was on his fathers chest I guess we all fell asleep. On April 2nd I woke up to find our 5 day old precious baby blue. I screamed I woke up his father and told him to call 911 i sat there and gave him CPR for about 15 minutes till the paramedics got there then they just surrounded him. I couldnt see anything that was going on I just thought it was all a bad dream it didnt seem real it still doesnt. the paramedics took him i got my 3 year old dressed and we went to the hospital I knew as soon as they put us in the consultation room instead of taking me into my baby. I guess i knew deep down when i first found him the doctors came in and said they just couldnt get his heart started it wasnt real.I told them to just take me to my baby. I sat there in the ER and held him for hours the detectives had to check out our bedroom so they made me say my final goodbyes.At first i wsa sure he suffocated but then looking back there was nothing for him to suffocate on The medical examiners office wont give me any preliminary and the results are pending thru july. I just want to know what happened to my little boy. There was nothing wrong with him. And why me theres so many other people that dont want there children theres mothers out there that do crack and heroin and dont care about there babys and there babys are still alive why my baby i was a good mother I did no drugs I wanted the world for my family why did my baby have to die and noone wants to talk about it with me the ones who do just keep telling me about god this and god that but i feel like ive lost my faith if god is so almighty and powerful why did he take my baby?..... Sorry I guess im still in the "anger phase" I still have my son but i still feel jelous towards all my pregnant friends and people with new babys ive got this huge whole inside me i dont know how to deal with it i guess my son Xzavier is the only thing keeping me going. I just miss Demetrious soo much The thing that hurts is the only pictures I have with me and my son Are the ones we took at the funeral home when they let me come there to hold him for a few hours he was so cold But it hurts now because ill never be able to see him or hold him again i feel so robbed. i feel like someone just tore him away from me I didnt have enough time with him.sorry to go on and on .especialy since its all so negative im just hurting so bad and i dont know how to make it better. But youve all lost children How are you making the pain die down?

[heidiforever]

Marlainna, I am so sorry for your loss of your precious son, Demetrious. I know what it feels like to be angry, to be angry at God, top question everything and not get any answers. I don't think the pain ever dies down. I think I've learned to deal with the pain, though it still haunts me at the oddest times, and sometimes not when I expect it to. I encourage you to come back here and talk with us. You DO need someone to talk to. I hope you find us to be a comfort for you, at least a little bit. Much love and hugs to you!

[alexander04]

Good Morning! It has been almost 3 months since the loss of my son Alexander Thomas. I am now ready to share my story with all of you. Alex was born January 9, 2004 at 12:21 p.m. weighing at 9 pounds 8 ounces and 21 1/2 inches long...what a joy he was to his father and I and my daughter Hannah (8 years old from my one and only marriage and am now divorced). His father Tom and I are not married but we have been together for almost 4 years 4 months now. Now the story of my Precious Little Angel Alex...he started limping for some unknown reason and we thought maybe he fell and just hurt himself as any parent would think especially a 2 year old toddler boy. Then he started getting a high fever and the limping still continued and when Alex said his ear hurts I thought okay now it's time for a pediatrician to look at him (Feb. 7) and sure enough he had an ear infection so he was put on amoxicillin for that and I was told to give him Motrin/Tylenol for the pain. As far as his limping goes it was nothing that I should be concerned about..sometimes the virus can settle in the joints. Well anyway on Friday, February 10 Alex was really in pain. His ear infection has cleared up but the limping was just unbearable to watch at times and the high fever was still ongoing so on Saturday (Feb. 11) his father and I have decided to go to the local emergency room. The hospital did all kinds of test, xrays and couldn't really find anything wrong. There were signs of inflammation but where was the question. The pediatrician that was on call recommended that Alex be transported to the Albany Medical Center by ambulance to see a bone specialist to see if perhaps the inflammation would be in his joints so more xrays were done on him. Everything looked good so he was discharged and was thought to have a "virus". Alex wasn't getting any better so we took him back for a follow-up visit on Feb.13 Alex was then referred to another specialized pediatrician at the Albany Medical Center on Feb. 22. More blood work was done on him and then we had to follow up with his pediatrician on Feb. 27 still no sign of relief and it was determined that he should see a pediatric rheumatoid arthritis specialist to see if he could possibly have JRA (juvenile rheumatoid arthritis) on March 3. Well this Rheumy doctor thought that Alex was in too much pain to have JRA so she had a cancer doctor look at him that same day and boy that was unexpected...our son could have cancer of some sort. We were told then to bring him back on Monday, March 6 to do a bone marrow on him. Thank God Tom's parents were able to come for the weekend from Pennsylvania to give us their support...we needed it and I just wanted someone else to see that Alex was "suffering". We all went together to be there for him. Tom and his mom watched the bone marrow procedure being done while I tended to my 7 month old son Zachary at the time and Tom's dad was on hand for me as well. I guess it was pure agony watching the procedure...Alex woke up in the middle of it as I guess he has a high metabolism rate (like me) so they had to inject more medication (received triple the normal dose) to relax him. Once he woke up he was given steroids through an IV to relieve the pain and that that would be the proper treatment to start him on should he have JRA. It has been ruled out that he did not have "cancer" from what was shown on the blood test but had to wait for the bone marrow tissue results to come back yet. We were so relieved and went home that late afternoon. Tom's parents had to head back to PA on Tuesday morning. On Wednesday, March 8 I took Alex to have another steroid treatment and it was said that the bone marrow tissue test were negative so I was like jumping for joy and called home. During this steroid treatment Alex was like crying through the whole thing and I am like he has got to be sick and tired of being poked at. When he got done with the treatment I asked if he wanted to go to McDonalds (his favorite place) and he said no and he was trying to get comfortable in his carseat and kept crying on and off all the way home (an hour drive). Things started going downhill the moment we set foot in the door. Alex just started calling out for me "Momma Momma" and his dad and I tried to comfort him to the best of our ability. We called the hospital when he started vomitting and wasn't able to focus or stand for any length of time because we thought maybe he was having a reaction to the steroid treatment. They told us that because he didn't eat that it was probably just making his belly feel sick. Little did we know that the vomitting was a sign of his body shutting down. Tom had to head to work as I told him I would be okay but something inside me told me that I needed to call my sister and thank god I did. I am the type of person who never ask for any help from anybody or with anything but that particular evening I just wanted some assistance with my two other children. My sister came over with her 4 year old daughter and brought pizza over for dinner. Well we were all getting ready to eat around the coffee table and I put Alex's legs over my legs and I told him that "Momma is right here okay?"...his last words to me were "Okay Momma" and he gurgled and his eyes rolled back. My little man died right in my arms the day that he was diagnosed with JRA. This wasn't suppose to happen! Well it was determined that Alexander died from infantile polyarteritis (infant heart attack). The autopsy revealed a greatly enlarged and dilated heart. There was extensive inflammation of coronary arteries and artery branches. Who would ever thought that this would happen to a 2 year old...this is something old people get. The last known case was back in the 1940s...WHY MY SON! I am sorry for rambling on and on...I will stop here for now and collect myself. I have been reading the post every now and then and this is the only place where I find some comfort. I just miss him so much...the pain is unbearable at times. I love you all...thanks for listening. I don't know how to post a picture of him but I will figure it out eventually. CHRISTENE

[heidiforever]

Oh my gosh Christene! That is so scary! I understand what it's like to have your child die from something so rare. It's so awful. A sad welcome to our group! ((((((((((hug))))))))))

[wuvmyangel93]

Christine

How scary, thank you for sharing your story, maybe it will help another parent down the road. Amazing with all those tests they couldn't find your son's heart issues.