Post by rachelsmummy on Feb 27, 2015 3:54:09 GMT -5
The Smile Before the Storm.....
Today is the 20th Anniversary of My Precious First Born Perfect Wonderfully Fearfully Made Baby Rachel Elizabeth being taken from My arms by the angels, carried and then placed into the arms of Her FATHER and My FATHER until the day My soul aches and longs for finally is here... To hold My Rachel Baby again... to smell the sweet perfume of her hair of silk... to touch her velvet soft skin... and oh to be warmed in heart by that glorious smile once more x infinity.
I give myself this day, the 27th day of the second calendar month, all to myself and My HOLY SPIRIT, allowing myself to view My Rachel Baby's Photographs and treasures and to cry oceans upon oceans of tears and receive HOLY SPIRIT'S Comfort upon Comfort.
On the 2nd day of the first calendar month in the year 1995, upon Sunrise, Rachel Elizabeth, 7lb13oz was born. She was perfect! She was gorgeous! Dark hair, dark eyes and oh so serene like her Daddy. Everyone commented on how beautiful she was. I, her Mother fell deeply in love... We three were a family! I had dreamed of this wonderful day since childhood, My only ambition in this life on earth to be a wife and mother.
Home from Hospital and beginning our journey as a family of three, we attended church, experienced wonderfully, memorable family gatherings, shopping trips and just basically all the things that felt 'normal'.
On the 24th day of the second month one of our friends visited while in town. She was happily snapping away with her camera and Rachel was sharing with us all her best smiles, I was so looking forward to those photos being developed and the memories of that day, especially those smiles, being relived.
On the 25th day of the second month, Daddy was off to our church property to do some construction work and being that it was 1995 He was virtually unable to be contacted. We kissed Daddy goodbye and Rachel beamed her I love my Daddy smile. No sooner had my husband left when my Rachel made a strange verbal sound and looked at me with a pained expression that caused the rush of fear to flow right through me down to my toes, that had me on the phone to my mother and the doctor immediately. ...The storm begins... Doctor checked Rachel from head to toe and decided that he couldn't diagnose anything but he just felt we should take Rachel to Hospital. Praise My FATHER GOD for giving me my Mother to stand by me. By the time my Husband was able to be contacted person to person, Rachel had been placed in an oxygen tent and much whispering between medicos was occurring. ...The storm starts to rumble now... A decision to do a lumbar puncture to check my Rachel Baby for meningitis... results- doctor has to make himself send sample to lab as to his eye the fluid is virtually clear. Lab results - Bacterial Meningitis confirmed... ...Storm...Cyclonic winds, huge swell, harsh blinding rain and hail, thunder that deafens and drowns all hope of feeling peace, the storm is raging and may never let up... My precious Baby Rachel Elizabeth who is my responsibility while she is on the earth is rushed to another Hospital where she can receive the best Intensive care.
Days become nights become days become nights... oh the torment of the unrelenting crashing waves of evil forebodings, of thoughts of hellish death... I'm exhausted by the sickening dread while desperately grasping to keep my grip on the only Faith I've ever known -
JESUS is my GOD - before, during and after the storm, forever, and this will never change!!!
Faithful family and church family hold us and comfort us... stay with us...
On the 26th day of the second month those who are assigned to keep Rachel's life signs monitored suggest the "words cannot express" unthinkable, unbelievable, unfathomable..... for the next day... Upon Sunrise if Rachel has not shown signs of improvement... we... will... turn ... of ... the... life... support.. machines.
How is it possible to survive such a horror storm and the disastrous, devastating shock of such aftermath... Only my GOD holds those golden treasure keys... and I choose to continue trusting as I did before this storm hit me.
On the 27th day of the second month upon Sunrise..... that which connects my Rachel to life on planet earth and therefore to me... is..... about to be... ...the door to life continuing as it was before this storm... here... is closed forever... my fiercely protective mother eagle wings have had it decided for them that they will be empty... that this majestically beautiful, irreplaceably wonderful, Heaven's kiss on my existence, short and oh so sweet season is ended... I hold my little Lamb... I gently dress her earthly dwelling ready for... burial... ...what... unbelievable.. .. Knowing and jealously holding fast to the belief that this is only her earthly body that housed her innocent precious soul and spirit, she was home now and I would meet her at home soon... soon.. when FATHER says it is time... ...I stroke her face, trim a lock of her dark hair of silk... life colour drains... warmth fades... peace comes at thoughts that.. for this precious Angel... no more suffering.. no more fighting for her innocent infant life... I sing over her the songs my heart has sung before this storm ... 'to those who love GOD, death can never separate us from the love of GOD'...
On the 2nd day of the third month... ...Funeral and 'Celebration of Life' memorial service
Over Rachel Elizabeth's earthly burial place and tiny coffin I sing "JESUS loves you this I know" ...
Today... On the 27th day of the second month 2015... 20 years on ... My Husband describes to me the beauty of this mornings sunrise... I cry.. Pain is real, Oceans upon oceans of tears continue to flow tidally through the decades but...
Death does not have the victory! I live on and live fully with my wonderful family and friends, because of the love and comfort of my GOD, my Refuge.
He comforts us in our every affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction by means of the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:4
The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. Deuteronomy 3:27