Post by bebeb83 on Dec 12, 2014 15:20:30 GMT -5
More on my particular story is below - but first I had a question for those who have been through a natural miscarriage before. What are some of the very earliest signs of miscarriage that you noticed, apart from spotting/bleeding? Did constipation let up? You felt less tired/"less pregnant"? And how long after those very early hints did you start bleeding?
This is my first pregnancy (I'm 31). I thought we were 9 weeks as of yesterday (I don't think the date could have been off unless I ovulated at a funny time - I tracked all my periods in a smartphone app and had several regular cycles on the books leading up to conception). I had had two blood draws during week 8 to check my HCG. The first was low but within the normal (i.e. extremely broad) range. The second did not show the jump the midwife was expecting to see with a healthy pregnancy, so she voiced some concern and suggested we do another blood test. All along I had not been feeling super "pregnant" - I had been very tired, had sore and tender breasts (a few weeks prior they were very tender and painful) but those symptoms seemed to ease up in week 8. In fact, at the beginning of this week (week 9) I felt great. Too great. I never at any point really felt nausea - maybe once in week 6 or 7 for an hour or so, very mildly. I thought I was just lucky.
Anyway, we opted to just have an US yesterday (external and vaginal). The tech didn't say anything during the US. After doing some reading online after the fact I realize this is to be expected as most can't comment one way or the other but at the time it was incredibly anxiety-inducing. Not like what you see in the movies, where the friendly tech lights up the monitor with your baby's heartbeat in a nice sunlit exam room! Luckily the radiologist office where we had the US was right next door to my midwife's office. We waited for what felt like hours for the midwife to get the results and chat with us. I knew something was wrong as soon as she led us into the consultation room - she so gently put her hand on my arm and just had this look about her face that said she had bad news. They explained that the ultrasound had shown a yolk sac and fetal pole but that no heartbeat was detected. The baby measured about 8 weeks, and they were uncertain there ever was a heartbeat. I could expect to miscarry and should plan now.
We were devastated - more than anything, my husband was SO excited and optimistic (I'm the cautious, negative Nancy half) and I feel like I've let him down in some way. I know it's not my fault and there was nothing either of us could have done, and he is being incredibly supportive and doing his best to make this about my needs and well-being and not his. But the guilt I have at being unable to give him what he was so happy to have is the worst part of this whole ordeal. It's also been hard because I'd been quite ambivalent about motherhood - I'd love to be a mom but understood if it wasn't in the cards, and kind of had a come-what-may attitude to the whole thing. We had already agreed if things didn't happen naturally we wouldn't pursue fertility treatments or anything like that, but might consider adoption (this is way down the road). Even when we had a positive pregnancy test I was very cautiously optimistic. I only began to get excited and think this had a real possibility of yielding an actual child over the last week or two, starting to give it nicknames, daydreaming about the future and catching myself absentmindedly placing my hands on my belly. Luckily we didn't tell too many people, just our closest family and a couple of friends.
The other thing that is driving me crazy - hence my initial question above - is that I haven't yet had any bleeding, not even spotting during the pregnancy. I'm hating the uncertainty and just want to put this behind me and move on - and it sounds silly, but with the holidays coming up, I'd really like to get it over with. I'm hoping to naturally miscarry sometime over the next week, but on Monday I'll probably call to schedule a confirmation US and D&C (looked up what that acronym stood for - understand why everyone prefers to use the shorthand!) for the following week before Christmas just to have the security of the back-up. I don't know that I could wait around much longer in this state of limbo, and last year's holidays were incredibly sad due to deaths and separations in the family. I don't know how I would handle another crappy Christmas. Anyway, this is why I ask about any earlier symptoms of miscarriage - something that might let me know that it looks like nature will take its course soon just to ease my mind a bit. I know it can take weeks for the body to even recognize the pregnancy is not viable, but I know everyone is different, too. One thing I can say - and this may be TMI - is that I have been having much more frequent bowel movements over the last couple days (this coming from someone who is typically cyclically constipated). I'm hoping this is a good sign of things moving along, but know it might just be coincidental, too.
This is my first pregnancy (I'm 31). I thought we were 9 weeks as of yesterday (I don't think the date could have been off unless I ovulated at a funny time - I tracked all my periods in a smartphone app and had several regular cycles on the books leading up to conception). I had had two blood draws during week 8 to check my HCG. The first was low but within the normal (i.e. extremely broad) range. The second did not show the jump the midwife was expecting to see with a healthy pregnancy, so she voiced some concern and suggested we do another blood test. All along I had not been feeling super "pregnant" - I had been very tired, had sore and tender breasts (a few weeks prior they were very tender and painful) but those symptoms seemed to ease up in week 8. In fact, at the beginning of this week (week 9) I felt great. Too great. I never at any point really felt nausea - maybe once in week 6 or 7 for an hour or so, very mildly. I thought I was just lucky.
Anyway, we opted to just have an US yesterday (external and vaginal). The tech didn't say anything during the US. After doing some reading online after the fact I realize this is to be expected as most can't comment one way or the other but at the time it was incredibly anxiety-inducing. Not like what you see in the movies, where the friendly tech lights up the monitor with your baby's heartbeat in a nice sunlit exam room! Luckily the radiologist office where we had the US was right next door to my midwife's office. We waited for what felt like hours for the midwife to get the results and chat with us. I knew something was wrong as soon as she led us into the consultation room - she so gently put her hand on my arm and just had this look about her face that said she had bad news. They explained that the ultrasound had shown a yolk sac and fetal pole but that no heartbeat was detected. The baby measured about 8 weeks, and they were uncertain there ever was a heartbeat. I could expect to miscarry and should plan now.
We were devastated - more than anything, my husband was SO excited and optimistic (I'm the cautious, negative Nancy half) and I feel like I've let him down in some way. I know it's not my fault and there was nothing either of us could have done, and he is being incredibly supportive and doing his best to make this about my needs and well-being and not his. But the guilt I have at being unable to give him what he was so happy to have is the worst part of this whole ordeal. It's also been hard because I'd been quite ambivalent about motherhood - I'd love to be a mom but understood if it wasn't in the cards, and kind of had a come-what-may attitude to the whole thing. We had already agreed if things didn't happen naturally we wouldn't pursue fertility treatments or anything like that, but might consider adoption (this is way down the road). Even when we had a positive pregnancy test I was very cautiously optimistic. I only began to get excited and think this had a real possibility of yielding an actual child over the last week or two, starting to give it nicknames, daydreaming about the future and catching myself absentmindedly placing my hands on my belly. Luckily we didn't tell too many people, just our closest family and a couple of friends.
The other thing that is driving me crazy - hence my initial question above - is that I haven't yet had any bleeding, not even spotting during the pregnancy. I'm hating the uncertainty and just want to put this behind me and move on - and it sounds silly, but with the holidays coming up, I'd really like to get it over with. I'm hoping to naturally miscarry sometime over the next week, but on Monday I'll probably call to schedule a confirmation US and D&C (looked up what that acronym stood for - understand why everyone prefers to use the shorthand!) for the following week before Christmas just to have the security of the back-up. I don't know that I could wait around much longer in this state of limbo, and last year's holidays were incredibly sad due to deaths and separations in the family. I don't know how I would handle another crappy Christmas. Anyway, this is why I ask about any earlier symptoms of miscarriage - something that might let me know that it looks like nature will take its course soon just to ease my mind a bit. I know it can take weeks for the body to even recognize the pregnancy is not viable, but I know everyone is different, too. One thing I can say - and this may be TMI - is that I have been having much more frequent bowel movements over the last couple days (this coming from someone who is typically cyclically constipated). I'm hoping this is a good sign of things moving along, but know it might just be coincidental, too.