I don't know how to make the pain stop.

[samanthapaige]

I lost my baby a year and a half ago on august 6th 2012. I don't know how to make it hurt any less then it did the day I realized my baby was gone. I don't know how to come to peace with my loss. It doesn't stop hurting it hasn't gotten any easier. I was 8 weeks pregnant, I may have not been very far along but I had still gotten very very attached to my baby. People have told me all kinds of things to do but I don't know what to choose to do. I don't know what to do but I need some kind of closure but I just don't know where to start.

[triangelmom]

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby, no matter how far along you are, is devastating and heartbreaking and it is a loss that stays with you until your final day but in time, it will get better. You'll never forget and you will always wonder 'what if?' and have questions about why it happened and what could have been, had your precious baby been born. I can tell you, having had three pregnancy losses, that you can and will move forward.
Finding something to help you come to peace with your loss is a very personal decision. People can offer you suggestions but it is you who knows best what can and will help you. I found some sense of closure in releasing a balloon. It can be very healing and of course, emotional but there is something about it that is cathartic. You can do it on your own or you can do it with family and friends to offer you support.
There is nothing easy about this. Losing a baby you had bonded with in the eight weeks you had, is devastating and it should never be minimized or trivialized. I wish you only happiness and healing ahead.

[darkheartedheroine]

I don't want to offer advice as I don't think I can yet. I just lost my ten weeks yesterday, but I offer you unconditional and unwaivering support. Peace, love, unity and respect for you always.

[libralise]

I'm sorry for this sadness that we are all carrying around - a sadness that I feel is so misunderstood. Just tonight I was thinking about the night that the baby left my body - I had found out that day at the hospital that I miscarried and chose to take pills to deliver the baby at home instead of having a D&C. I went to the pharmacy and got the prescription, as well as a bag of Doritos and a giant bag of jelly beans (comfort food). Middle of the night, amidst the contractions, I was scavenging the kitchen trying to find the bag of jellybeans because my husband had hid them for me, so that I would not over-indulge in them (a weakness of mine, I have no restraint with sweets and he would do that sort of thing to help me). But tonight as I was eating jelly beans I remembered that this happened, that on THAT night instead of choosing to sit up with me, he thought to hide the jelly beans... maybe this is the type of story that means so much more to the person who remembers it and to whoever reads this you might think "What the heck is she going on about??!" lol... but the point is that I don't think many people, unless they themselves have miscarried or lost a child, will understand... simply sharing because this was one of my thoughts tonight about my miscarriage. I lost this baby on June 25 2012.

Something that has helped me greatly is that I named the baby. I have named her Maci. I found that naming her, as well as naming the baby I miscarried years ago, helped me to feel closer to them and made them more 'real'.

I also have a piece of commemorative jewellery. We buried Maci in a box of flowers in our back garden. When I was 15 and found out that I was pregnant I picked a bouquet of flowers - they are dried in a clear bottle now. Maci was buried with some of those dried flowers as well, and when we buried her we picked new flowers and placed them in the bottle. I have a beautiful gold locket and it holds flowers from the bottle.

I spoke with a woman who lost her son in Iraq. She told me "We all carry sadness". I remember that often, that we all carry sadness. And in the first week after miscarrying when I was up so often throughout the night, I found miscarriage blogs comforting. I then made the mistake of journeying the dark grief on my own, not burdening my husband with it. This needs to be thought about and grieved but we need to be supported.

I don't know if any of this has been helpful. It has honestly probably been more helpful for me, just getting these thoughts out to someone who could find some relevance in them.

I wish you love and light and happiness. At some point the hurt does start to sting less.