Looking for advice about helping a friend who's grieving

[mouse]

Two years ago I had just started off a new friendship when my friends 5 year old son died in a car accident. I knew she wouldn't feel up to talking for some time so I called often to leave her voice mails letting her know she is loved, I'm praying, and asking her to call of she needs anything. On rare occasions that she answered the phone she told me she appreciated my messages and is sorry she never returns my calls. For two years she has only returned one call and it was to yell at me because I had left a message saying "I'm not sure if I'm annoying you and you're just too nice to tell me, so I'll stop calling now unless you call back. No hard feelings, I totally understand." She was very angry saying I had essentially called her a liar, and went on to assure me that she's simply too busy to call back. That was months ago, we haven't talked since.

So, what do I do? Do I continue calling to support her and let her know she is not forgotten? (She said most people have stopped calling.) Or do I back off because, if it were anyone else, I would assume they really don't want to talk to me. To be quite honest, I feel I have been selfish. Becausr of the way she dismissed my pain when I miscarried, reminding me that her pain is worse, so hurt me that I was angry with her for a while and stopped even trying I call. I know just enough about loss to understand that I totally don't have any clue what she's feeling right now, so I thought I'de ask for advice from women who can empathize with her pain and try to help me understand.

Thanks.

[angelbaby]

You are a true friend because you have not given up! I would drop her a card saying I'm thinking about you! I'd like to take you to lunch or get together. People DO STOP calling and it seems like when you are the one grieving, you feel guilty for smiling or feeling a happy thought. If it wasn't for one of my very dearest friends, who would call me every day or email me to ask what are you doing today! Nothing was not acceptable! She would say could you bring me lunch today! Or where do you plan to go today? You have to go one place, then tell me about it! If not, I was content to stay at home in my own world! I had lost my one and only son that I had waited 19 years to finally have! He was here only 2 month and 24 days! My husband was supportive! However my girlfriend is my lifesaver! She never gave up on me! Keep reaching out! You might have to go to her! Honestly, it is hard to ask for help! I would never say I needed it! She just knew! Hang in there!

Susan