suggestions to continuing on with life after loss

[aubriellegrace]

having just lost my little girl i find myself lost in a fog aching due to my empty arms that shouldnt be does anyone here have any suggestions in easing the ache and getting back to some what of a normal life i am back to work but am so foggy and sad all the time that its hard to focus on my job i just want my baby

[sunflowersmom]

Hi. I don't know how long ago your loss was but the best thing is to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel and express what you feel whenever it happens. If you're sad, be sad and don't judge yourself. If you're happy, be happy, no judgments.

The pain never goes away. It will lessen as time goes on though. Your baby will always be a part of you and your loss will always be a part of your life. But that doesn't mean that you will be constantly suffering.

Something I did that helped a lot was write about my feelings. I wrote poems, I wrote journals, stories...Anything to let those intense emotions out. I wish I could give you better words but this is the honest truth from my experience. I hope you are able to figure out a way to give yourself some peace. You deserve it. hugs

[aubriellegrace]

i lost her 12\29\13 so just over 2 weeks now and to top everything I had a lady ask me yesterday when my baby's due that killed me I was with a client so I didn't know what to do my days are blurs sometimes I don't remember how I get  has anyone had similar experiences post angel? how do u answer?

[friendsofloss]

I have a question, I have two healthy children never had a loss altho it was very touch and go with my second, but never losing a child I don't know how to react. I have a friend who carried a healthy lil girl to almost 37 weeks when she went in and the doc could not find the heart beat. They sent her to the hospital and induced labor and 26 or so hrs later she gave birth. The baby had been gone for at lest 30 some hrs as sad and heart breaking as that is this was her first and only so far. I understand there is a grief process and I have tried to be supportive. My problem is she acts as if she is a mother, this is frustrating to me being that she carried the child inside of her yes but she never had to do the other things mothers have to do. I'm ten yrs into my journey of motherhood and to me after all Ive done and sacrificed for my children lives, I don't see how someone who only carried a child can call themselves a mother. Please please don't get me wrong I understand the loss is unbearable, but we don't call a man a father cause he got a girl pregnant, we call him a father because he went thru the struggles of raising a child.

Any opinions are welcome.

[lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom]

Aubriellegrace, I am terribly sorry for your heartbreaking loss. Glad that you have found this site where it's possible to talk with others who have been through a similar situation because we are truly the only people who can understand the intensity of the feelings involved.
I completely agree with Summer that writing is therapeutic. Any kind of art, regardless of talent or skill, feels soothing to me as well. I worked for countless hours on a scrapbook that contains every ultrasound picture, card received, etc --any and everything associated with my son; that was helpful. Doing things in my child's honor, such as donating to Toys for Tots or other organizations, is a way that I keep his memory alive as well.
Time is really your best ally. You will not get over this, but you will get through it a little at a time. Hope you will be back soon to share more.

Friendsofloss, I find your comments quite disrespectful. This is a site for parents of loss to comfort each other. It will be most appreciated if you would kindly cease to post judgements here, particularly on the thread of a grieving mother. Thank you for your consideration.

[pheonix]

What if these suggestions i'm already doing and aren't seeming to be enough? My husband and I just lost our son at 34 weeks, April 17th/2015... About to start therapy Friday, but none of it seems to fix or help you get on with life and picking up the pieces...

p

[alina]

Jan 15, 2014 14:04:30 GMT -5 friendsofloss said:

I have a question, I have two healthy children never had a loss altho it was very touch and go with my second, but never losing a child I don't know how to react. I have a friend who carried a healthy lil girl to almost 37 weeks when she went in and the doc could not find the heart beat. They sent her to the hospital and induced labor and 26 or so hrs later she gave birth. The baby had been gone for at lest 30 some hrs as sad and heart breaking as that is this was her first and only so far. I understand there is a grief process and I have tried to be supportive. My problem is she acts as if she is a mother, this is frustrating to me being that she carried the child inside of her yes but she never had to do the other things mothers have to do. I'm ten yrs into my journey of motherhood and to me after all Ive done and sacrificed for my children lives, I don't see how someone who only carried a child can call themselves a mother. Please please don't get me wrong I understand the loss is unbearable, but we don't call a man a father cause he got a girl pregnant, we call him a father because he went thru the struggles of raising a child.

Any opinions are welcome.

Hi. Thanks for asking this question. I hope you never told her that you think she's not really a mother like you. It would be the worst thing for her to hear. I lost my sweet son to a stillbirth when I was 8.5 months pregnant this past February. The only relationship I had with him was him growing inside me, kicking and moving and causing me backpain and heartburn. How precious all that feels now. If you were to tell me that I wasnt really a mother to him because I didn't raise him, Id tell you a lot of a choice words and never want to see you again. No disrespect but that's how I feel.. The father analogy you gave is ill-fitted here, my friend. Half of our grief is the fact that we never got to get to the point you speak of, where we go through the labors of raising the child and spending our time energy money laughter and tears on them. We think mothers like you made it to the finish line and beyond, while we got stuck way back on the track and are unable to cross over to the end; God, in His infinite wisdom, chose to take our babies from us when He did, but we were more than ready to begin our lives with them and raise them as "real" mothers as you allude to. That feeling and intention in and of itself makes me as much a mother as you are. Thanks for asking! Best of luck to you. If your friend gives you attitude, she's probably acting out on the sentiments ive described above.