Post by mouse on Dec 12, 2013 23:02:46 GMT -5
I used to ask "when will the pain stop" like if I just waited it out it would go away. The truth is it's different for everyone. I know that's hard to hear. You have to figure out how to work through the pain, not just survive it. You have to deal with it and let it hurt. Talk about it, cry, yell at God, ignore all the insensitive comments from the stupid people in your life, accept your feelings for what they are instead of trying to feel the way you think you should, say things you don't mean, be alone, temporarily end the friendships you can't handle, hide in your closet, call out of work just because you need an emotional break, do whatever you need to do to face it.
I like to talk, I talk too much. There are so many things I could say, and so much advice I could give, but if I had to just say one thing it would be what the little voice in my head was telling me when I lost the baby "Talk to God." I spent a month saying "God, I want to pray but I have nothing to say to You. Help me pray."
Finally one day I let Him have it. Actually, I let Him have it almost daily for a few weeks. Then I felt like He was saying "Now listen." I realized God had known how the miscarriage would hurt me when He gave the OK for it to happen. He had considered my feeling and His heart was broken for the pain it would put me through. He showed me that He was always with me, going through the grief with me, grieving for His hurting daughter. Knowing that helped me trust Him more.
Today I'm ok. Its been a few years. It feels like its only been a few months though. I'm stronger for it. My faith, my relationships, and my life are all stronger because of the miscarriage. I had asked God to not just let this be a tragedy in my life but to teach me something from it. I wanted my son's short existence to have an impact on this world through me. I decided to press into God in my son's honor. I have two girls on Earth, I love saying I have a son. I've always wanted two girls and a boy, when I get to heaven I'll have that. Do I still want to see him? Yes. Do I still tell God to tell him I love him? Yes. Does it still hurt a little from time to time? Yes. But I remind myself that while it will take a life time to get to him, all the pain will seem like a bad dream when I get there. I'm saving up all my love for him.
You'll make it through this. You'll be ok.
I like to talk, I talk too much. There are so many things I could say, and so much advice I could give, but if I had to just say one thing it would be what the little voice in my head was telling me when I lost the baby "Talk to God." I spent a month saying "God, I want to pray but I have nothing to say to You. Help me pray."
Finally one day I let Him have it. Actually, I let Him have it almost daily for a few weeks. Then I felt like He was saying "Now listen." I realized God had known how the miscarriage would hurt me when He gave the OK for it to happen. He had considered my feeling and His heart was broken for the pain it would put me through. He showed me that He was always with me, going through the grief with me, grieving for His hurting daughter. Knowing that helped me trust Him more.
Today I'm ok. Its been a few years. It feels like its only been a few months though. I'm stronger for it. My faith, my relationships, and my life are all stronger because of the miscarriage. I had asked God to not just let this be a tragedy in my life but to teach me something from it. I wanted my son's short existence to have an impact on this world through me. I decided to press into God in my son's honor. I have two girls on Earth, I love saying I have a son. I've always wanted two girls and a boy, when I get to heaven I'll have that. Do I still want to see him? Yes. Do I still tell God to tell him I love him? Yes. Does it still hurt a little from time to time? Yes. But I remind myself that while it will take a life time to get to him, all the pain will seem like a bad dream when I get there. I'm saving up all my love for him.
You'll make it through this. You'll be ok.