Just had a miscarriage

[mbreschini]

Hi everyone my name is Mary and I suffered my 1 st miscarriage on oct 31 2013 . I am having a really hard time with this I have so many questions and have been wondering why. I feel like my heart was ripped out of my chest . I have 3 other children and a husband that told me I needed to move on that they count on me . I know they do but I can't seem to just go on. I have so many feelings. Anyone have any advice please send my way. Thank you

[triangelmom]

Mary, I am so very sorry for your loss. It is still so fresh and new and you are in mourning. Having living children is something of a comfort when we suffer a pregnancy loss but they don't take away the pain and grief we are feeling. Yes, they need you and your husband needs you but you need them and support from others just the same. It's hard to take care of others when we are in need of taking care of ourselves. Coming here and posting about your loss is a big step and one that I hope will lead you to healing. I would encourage you to seek support here, as well as from any support groups online or in person (maybe through your hospital or community center) that focuses on pregnancy loss support. Sharing your grief and hearing from others who are in the same place as you or perhaps, who have started to move forward, can be of great help. If it helps to write your feelings down i.e. a journal or a blog, that can be healing. It can be just for you or something you share with others but it can be very cathartic. I have had three losses myself and I didn't have the support groups or websites way back when I had those losses. I had to grieve alone and it was a very painful time. Thankfully, we have Silent Grief and so many wonderful resources and I encourage you to surround yourself with support. You will be able to move forward with your life but it will take time and there is no such thing as getting over this kind of loss.

[Clara Hinton]

Mary, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. Having gone through several miscarriages, I can identify with the feelings of emptiness and sorrow you're feeling. I thought I wasn't going to make it several time. It felt like I dropped into a big, empty hole where there was so much darkness that I'd never be able to claw my way out to a place where I'd see or feel the warm sunshine again.

Give your body and mind time to readjust to not being pregnant. That's sooooooooo hard to do! Keep in mind our bodies were working so hard to be pregnant, and our minds were full of wonderful dreams for the baby. Then, all of a sudden, everything comes to a halt and yet life goes on in so many other ways without giving us time to catch our breath and feel our pain and work through it.

I'd suggest you read all of the articles printed on the main site of www.silentgrief.com about miscarriage. They will help you to better understand what your body and emotions are going through. And, if at all possible find a local support group to meet with to give you a place to vent your feelings. Unfortunately, men don't always understand the depth of pain and sorrow a woman feels. We have both physical changes and emotional changes to deal with -- a very difficult combination!

Please visit us often here, and we'll give you support, too. I promise you that your pain will not always be this raw. But, it does take a long time to get to a point of feeling better. Give yourself all the time you need.

Love,
Clara