Post by pocooso on Sept 19, 2013 17:10:20 GMT -5
My firstborn child was murdered over 4 years ago. Since then, we've had another child. He seemed like a normal baby and young toddler, but life continues to be filled with uncertainty, hardship, sorrow, etc.. He seemed to be developing normally, saying his first words at 10 months, clapping hands at 7 months, waving at 10 months, walking at 14 months, and even starting two-word phrases at 22 months. Around 2.5 years of age, it became evident that he was not socializing with peers and language was not picking up. He started pointing to fans and lights. We took him to the doctor; two doctors. Both said he has autism spectrum. He says, "Mommy" infrequently. He follows few directions. He does not wave bye-bye, has never said, "hi," has never waved 'hi.' He does not say 'yes' and rarely says 'no.' He will turn 3 years old in 2 months. He says many words, but not sentences. Many times his words are out of context. He has only a couple of phrases. Occasionally he says, "Muv you" for 'love you.' He does show affection with hugs and kisses, and says, 'snuggle.' He will say, "Oh no! I drop it," when his cereal falls out of his hand. He knows some colors, such as red, purple, orange, and green. He is able to name several letters and letter sounds. He knows some shapes (circle, star, square, triangle, and heart). He names these things spontaneously when he wants to do that; but if you ask him to tell you, 'what is this?,' he usually does not answer. He does not turn his name when his name is called. When he sees his picture, sometimes he states his name. He does not use the word, 'me.' He points to people, and says, 'Lady!' or 'Man!,' but he does not make eye contact. If he approaches a person, instead of saying hello, he points to their shoes and says, 'shoe,' or he looks at them and says, 'eyes.'
In most ways, my boy is 'gone.' His body is here, but he his mind is not. Now he has to attend early intervention school. He gets 15 hours of social therapy per week, one hour of occupational therapy, one hour of speech therapy. I fear for his future. I've already lost my girl due murder. And, my son is a wreck. When he turns 18, I don't want to deal with this any more. I'm an older mother now; I'm beat. He's going to have to go into a group home if he can't live independently.
Vacation with my son is a nightmare. He ran away twice; once from the rental condo because there was no lock at the top of the door; once from the hotel room because we got distracted by maintenance repairs in the hotel room and forgot to re-latch the maid latch. He takes forever to fall asleep. Right now, his peers like him. But, he could care less. He is really, really messed up. He sometimes tells me when he needs to poop. His peers can do most of their own toileting. His peers speak in full sentences. He'll probably have to be placed in a group home and will be unemployable. He might even have mental retardation, and probably does. Autism is something we've only known since May 2013. I feel like my son's life is over. I feel my life is over. I feel our life as a family is over. It was hard enough dealing with my daughter's death; however, she is gone; we can mourn and go on. My son, though, is disabled by his autism, likely for a lifetime. His therapists remain optimistic. They cite examples of kids who've outgrown autism. Seriously? Outgrown? Will that be my kid? No way! Sure would be nice. However, let's face it. I've had more and more bad luck; what next? He also has failure to thrive. We saw a gastroenterologist, who said he appeared fine, just small due to having small parents. All the tests came back normal, EXCEPT ONE....yep, except one. Now we have to retest his poop; try getting poop sample from a kid who is not fully poop trained. Naturally, he is an evening pooper, and the nearest lab is always closed by the time he poops for the evening, so then we rush the poop down to the other city with the 24-hour lab.
Meanwhile, we work full time and also have his 11-year-old sister to raise. Thankfully, she is doing well. This poor child has had to walk around the pool of blood left behind by her sister at the crosswalk, has had to see her dad's leg amputated and his other leg mangled, and now has a brother who is disabled. She is in gifted classes, but finds them to be a struggle at times. Therefore, I deal with pre-teen outbursts. Up until now, she was in regular classes and has never needed to study. All of a sudden, she has to study, but does not know how to study and is freaking out.
I thought I'd been through the worst with the loss of my daughter. Living with my son is nearly intolerable because I love him so much, but every day with him is a never ending hardship.
In most ways, my boy is 'gone.' His body is here, but he his mind is not. Now he has to attend early intervention school. He gets 15 hours of social therapy per week, one hour of occupational therapy, one hour of speech therapy. I fear for his future. I've already lost my girl due murder. And, my son is a wreck. When he turns 18, I don't want to deal with this any more. I'm an older mother now; I'm beat. He's going to have to go into a group home if he can't live independently.
Vacation with my son is a nightmare. He ran away twice; once from the rental condo because there was no lock at the top of the door; once from the hotel room because we got distracted by maintenance repairs in the hotel room and forgot to re-latch the maid latch. He takes forever to fall asleep. Right now, his peers like him. But, he could care less. He is really, really messed up. He sometimes tells me when he needs to poop. His peers can do most of their own toileting. His peers speak in full sentences. He'll probably have to be placed in a group home and will be unemployable. He might even have mental retardation, and probably does. Autism is something we've only known since May 2013. I feel like my son's life is over. I feel my life is over. I feel our life as a family is over. It was hard enough dealing with my daughter's death; however, she is gone; we can mourn and go on. My son, though, is disabled by his autism, likely for a lifetime. His therapists remain optimistic. They cite examples of kids who've outgrown autism. Seriously? Outgrown? Will that be my kid? No way! Sure would be nice. However, let's face it. I've had more and more bad luck; what next? He also has failure to thrive. We saw a gastroenterologist, who said he appeared fine, just small due to having small parents. All the tests came back normal, EXCEPT ONE....yep, except one. Now we have to retest his poop; try getting poop sample from a kid who is not fully poop trained. Naturally, he is an evening pooper, and the nearest lab is always closed by the time he poops for the evening, so then we rush the poop down to the other city with the 24-hour lab.
Meanwhile, we work full time and also have his 11-year-old sister to raise. Thankfully, she is doing well. This poor child has had to walk around the pool of blood left behind by her sister at the crosswalk, has had to see her dad's leg amputated and his other leg mangled, and now has a brother who is disabled. She is in gifted classes, but finds them to be a struggle at times. Therefore, I deal with pre-teen outbursts. Up until now, she was in regular classes and has never needed to study. All of a sudden, she has to study, but does not know how to study and is freaking out.
I thought I'd been through the worst with the loss of my daughter. Living with my son is nearly intolerable because I love him so much, but every day with him is a never ending hardship.