Just lost our triplets due to placental abruption

[raytriplets]

My husband and I went through 12+ months of unsuccessful fertility treatments. In January 2013, we went through our first IVF treatment, during which we transferred two embryos. Four weeks and six days later, we saw our triplets for the first time. We were so shocked that one of our embryos split in two. At 12 weeks, I was put on modified bed rest due to a shortening cervix. At 15 weeks we learned we were having two boys and a girl. Every week of our pregnancy we saw our three babies via ultrasound. Some weeks, we saw them two or three times - one benefit of being a high risk pregnancy. We watched them grow and their beautiful personalities develop. At 18 weeks, I started bleeding with contractions. We were admitted to the hospital and found I had group b strep along with the other complications. My cervix was holding though, so we were hopeful since medication was successful at stopping the contractions. After 4 days we were sent home. Unfortunately, we were back in the ER with another bleed a day and half after being released. Two days later, we were readmitted to the hospital because my contractions were back. We were calm about this admission because we felt like we knew the drill and my cervix was still holding. Unfortunately, in less than 3 hours we went from a completely closed cervix to being in full blown labor. I had a massive placental abruption. All three of our beautiful babies were born alive, however, I was rushed to the OR immediately following delivery in hopes of at least saving my life. My blood loss was extreme, and during my time in the OR things got very hairy. Fortunately, we have a wonderful doctor and hospital, however, our babies were exactly 20 weeks and were just too small to breathe. We spent time with our babies the next day, took pictures and made memories that we will rely on the rest of our lives. We held a private funeral service for our children 4 days later. Conner, Carson and Ann Francis were born and passed away 2 weeks ago today. Our pain is so raw, but we hope with time it will be easier to bear. I have bounced around on a few websites over the last week (since I am still on modified bed rest) and decided I wanted our babies' story to be known as well. We welcome any advice from any parents that are experienced in the areas of multiple loss.
Thank you for reading our story.

Mommy of Conner, Carson & Ann Francis

[lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom]

Hello, I am so very sorry to hear of the devastating loss of your beloved babies. A little over three years ago, I also experienced a placental abruption which caused the premature birth of my son who was born alive as well. Like your sweet triplets, Paul was much wanted (the result of fertility treatments) and -at less than 24 weeks' gestation- could not be saved. So I know very well how crushing the pain is at the beginning, which is where you are now.

Although my Paul was a singleton, I can relate to the idea of multiple loss in a different way, having had five miscarriages in addition to losing him. It is indescribable to anyone who has not experienced this level and degree of sorrow, and that makes it difficult to talk with many of the people we may have been used to leaning on in the past. For that reason, I am so glad you have found this web site full of people who (sadly) get what you're going through. I hope you'll be back often to share, vent, and slowly heal a little.

Meanwhile, here is a post I wrote a couple years back with basic advice for Silent Grief "newbies." I hope you'll find it helpful.

silentgrief.proboards.com/thread/97009?page=1#

Sending you hugs and peace.

[triangelmom]

I am so very sorry for the devastating loss of your beloved babies. I wish you healing and strength and hope that you are surrounding yourself with people who can offer you the support you deserve.
Hugs,
Hannah

[raytriplets]

Thank you both so much for reading and responding to my post. My husband and I are so touched that you both took the time to read our story and send us messages back. I teared up upon seeing your responses simply because I was hoping that someone would reach out to us.

Thank you again!
Jennifer

[lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom]

Jennifer, how is today going for you? I can remember that at first, mornings were always the most painful time for me. Maybe this was because sleep was the only relief there was, and waking up meant having to face reality yet again, like a daily kick in the stomach. Eventually, though, after the initial shock had worn off and the truth had sunk in, things became a little more even. It can take a long time to get to that point, though, so please be patient with yourself. Remember there is no getting over the loss of your own children; what we do is get through it.

I was so glad to see that you mentioned taking pictures; you will treasure those forever. I found making a scrapbook with pictures, cards people sent, and every single thing I could find from the hospital or elsewhere with my baby's name on it, even a bill that came inadvertently addressed to him was a very healing activity. I still add to it from time to time.

Also, I have found reading articles from Still Standing Magazine stillstandingmag.com/ helps me feel less alone; often it feels as if I could have written some of the words myself.

Talk to you again soon.

[justlostanangel]

((((((HUGS)))))), Jennifer! My heart aches for you & your husband as you mourn your 3 precious babies!! I'm glad that you have photos to help remember....but I sure wish you could be holding them in your arms, not your heart. I have not personally dealt with the loss of multiples, but have had 2 m/c's. I'm glad you've found SG; it has been such a help for me! This is a place where you can share as little, or as much, as you wish. You don't have to "hold back," or be polite....you can express your grief in whatever way helps you. Praying for peace & comfort for you & your husband.