Post by violetsky on May 1, 2013 10:58:36 GMT -5
I'm new here and i don't even know where to start really. I found out i was pregnant around 2 months ago, its my 8th Pregnancy. I have 3 gorgeous, precious sons and have sadly lost 4 babies so far 3 very early. This will be my 5th miscarriage and second at 12 weeks. I have a doppler at home and on Thursday morning i listened in to baby as i had done often since finding the heartbeat at nearly 10 weeks, babies heartbeat was lovely and strong. On Saturday evening i decided to check on baby again having felt terribly sick all day i found nothing 
it was so quiet in there i knew then baby was gone but i refused to admit it to myself. I tried to find baby again several times between then and Tuesday when i had a midwife appointment. On Tuesday i immediately explained my concerns and was sent for a scan today which confirmed what i already knew baby died at some point between Thursday and Saturday . I have miscarried before so i know what to expect and am terrified 
. My previous miscarriage at 12 weeks was natural, the bleeding was horrendous and i was not treated very well at the hospital. I have opted this time to have the ERPC procedure but i am really struggling to come to terms with this. Although i think it will be easier on myself as last time i was extremely distressed and lost a lot of blood, i hate the thought of my baby being removed in such a way. I feel i owe it to my baby to be born not just discarded. I have not told my partner my concerns as at this point i can't even say how i feel out loud without ending up as a jibbering wreck. My partner thinks the surgery is the best option for me as he witnessed my last miscarriage plus we also have our sons to think about. Right now i just feel lost and alone and all i can think about is the little life inside me that will never be.
it was so quiet in there i knew then baby was gone but i refused to admit it to myself. I tried to find baby again several times between then and Tuesday when i had a midwife appointment. On Tuesday i immediately explained my concerns and was sent for a scan today which confirmed what i already knew baby died at some point between Thursday and Saturday . I have miscarried before so i know what to expect and am terrified 
. My previous miscarriage at 12 weeks was natural, the bleeding was horrendous and i was not treated very well at the hospital. I have opted this time to have the ERPC procedure but i am really struggling to come to terms with this. Although i think it will be easier on myself as last time i was extremely distressed and lost a lot of blood, i hate the thought of my baby being removed in such a way. I feel i owe it to my baby to be born not just discarded. I have not told my partner my concerns as at this point i can't even say how i feel out loud without ending up as a jibbering wreck. My partner thinks the surgery is the best option for me as he witnessed my last miscarriage plus we also have our sons to think about. Right now i just feel lost and alone and all i can think about is the little life inside me that will never be.