Another Birthday I Missed

[myheart]

This marks the 7th birthday I will miss. I still feel like it's the first. I still feel like I just lost him. Except that I function through each day. I am always surprised by that. That I go through life, continuing to experience a range of emotions and life events. I feel like he is with me in every little moment. I see him in everyday, in every weekend activity, in every holiday and vacation. There is always a sadness that surrounds me. I feel protective of that sadness. Like its all I have. I still break down sobbing missing him. I truly do not allow the deeper emotions to the surface. I feel like such a numb person. I will never really be me without him. Coming here brings out the deeper pain I try so hard to block. Yet this is the only place I feel safe. I don't know what to do today. Nothing feels right. Maybe I will bake him a cake.... I feel so crazy sometimes. I feel so lost. I just want my Clyde and a cake and a pile of presents. I want to hold him and give him kisses. Every birthday is 10 again. I stopped moving forward the day he did.
Happy Birthday to my FAVORITE boy. I love you more than the moon, stars and the sun times a million and one......

[judiann]

((((((((Krista)))))))

It's just too hard....

The 7th year was just brutal for me. I still wonder how I made it.....but it did seem to be a turning point, of sorts.

Melvin was my birthday present....the Best one I ever got :-)
Our day has become One of two days I refuse to grieve (I still got 363 days tho & think I need a break).....
I embrace with Joy the day I met him, all the sweet memories I hold of everything about him....Our time. We share a chocolate cupcake with 2 candles now, spend the day "together"...

I understand the numb, the crazy, the so lost, the sadness that surrounds us.....I feel protective of that too. It is all I have since evryone else seems to have forgotten my precious boy.....

Happy Birthday to your Sweet Clyde I think he's right there with you....

Love & ((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

judiann

[myheart]

Thank you for your kind words

[pocooso]

Fourth year anniversary for my daughter was on may 28. So sad. Have a daughter graduating 5th grade; older daughter is missing 8th grade graduation. All her peers are grown up. since then, I had a son. Just found out this month that he has speech delay and on the autism spectrum, is underweight, and has sleep problems. No end in sight.

Sorry you are having a hard time.

Judiann, my daughter's name was Melody. She was named after her Grandpa Melvyn.