Post by caylenangel on Mar 19, 2013 16:56:59 GMT -5
Hello all
I'm Erin, I'm very sorry for all your losses and heartbreak. I know all too well, unfortunately, what you're facing.
Late in 2002 my then fiance and I decided to start a family. After 2 cycles of Clomid and progesterone, and about 10 HPTs (no joke), and one blood test I was excited to find myself pregnant! We were both surprised to find it happened so quickly, as my OB/GYN warned it would likely take several cycles.
We decided to wait a few weeks before we told our families, and had planned to tell them on Mother's Day. Unfortunately we never got to share our news with them.
Late in April I began having some spotting and light cramping. My OB sent me for an u/s. The u/s showed something, but didn't match up with my dates. They sent me home and said they wanted me back within 10 days for another u/s. I questioned my OB as to what the u/s showed, and all she said was what they saw was smaller than it should have been, but maybe our dates are off. In the meantime the bleeding and cramping got worse. On May 2, 2003 when he was at work I passed a large clot/mass of tissue that to this day I am certain was my daughter. I was shocked and horrified, the only thing I could think to do was flush. I have regretted that decision ever since, thinking had I saved what I had passed perhaps it would have given some answers. My OB wanted me to go for the second u/s the next day. And sure enough it confirmed what I already knew. She was gone.
We never did find out the gender, however my heart and gut tells me my angel is a little girl. Because it didn't feel right to refer to her as "it", I named her Caylen Olivia.
A few months later her father and I split up. He saying he couldn't live like this, he wanted to have children and couldn't live with knowing I may never be able to give that to him.
I am now in my early 30s and do not know if I will ever try again. I would like to have a family, however I do not know if I can risk the possibility of going through this again. It has been 10 years, and it still hurts as if it were yesterday.
I send my ((hugs)) to you all. This is a journey I do not wish on anyone.
I'm Erin, I'm very sorry for all your losses and heartbreak. I know all too well, unfortunately, what you're facing.
Late in 2002 my then fiance and I decided to start a family. After 2 cycles of Clomid and progesterone, and about 10 HPTs (no joke), and one blood test I was excited to find myself pregnant! We were both surprised to find it happened so quickly, as my OB/GYN warned it would likely take several cycles.
We decided to wait a few weeks before we told our families, and had planned to tell them on Mother's Day. Unfortunately we never got to share our news with them.
Late in April I began having some spotting and light cramping. My OB sent me for an u/s. The u/s showed something, but didn't match up with my dates. They sent me home and said they wanted me back within 10 days for another u/s. I questioned my OB as to what the u/s showed, and all she said was what they saw was smaller than it should have been, but maybe our dates are off. In the meantime the bleeding and cramping got worse. On May 2, 2003 when he was at work I passed a large clot/mass of tissue that to this day I am certain was my daughter. I was shocked and horrified, the only thing I could think to do was flush. I have regretted that decision ever since, thinking had I saved what I had passed perhaps it would have given some answers. My OB wanted me to go for the second u/s the next day. And sure enough it confirmed what I already knew. She was gone.
We never did find out the gender, however my heart and gut tells me my angel is a little girl. Because it didn't feel right to refer to her as "it", I named her Caylen Olivia.
A few months later her father and I split up. He saying he couldn't live like this, he wanted to have children and couldn't live with knowing I may never be able to give that to him.
I am now in my early 30s and do not know if I will ever try again. I would like to have a family, however I do not know if I can risk the possibility of going through this again. It has been 10 years, and it still hurts as if it were yesterday.
I send my ((hugs)) to you all. This is a journey I do not wish on anyone.