tough anniversary today

[justlostanangel]

Today it's 2 years since the d&c for my 2nd angel baby; 2 yrs+1 month since the U/S that showed the still heart of that sweet baby. This weekend has been so tough; there are several women at work who are pregnant, & next weekend is their joint baby shower. Saturday I went shopping for their gifts; it broke my heart to see all that baby stuff, & to know that I "should" have a little one at home, but instead I have a cemetery to visit. Instead of a little one celebrating a birthday, I'm trying to maintain control in the baby department! I'm grateful for the children I have, please don't think I'm not.....but I still miss the 2 that don't reside on earth! My husband doesn't seem to remember the significance of this day, which only compounds the sorrow; he doesn't get why I've been sad this weekend, & I just don't have the strength to explain it. Grief is such a strange process; you'll be doing OK, & then WHAM!! It feels like that despair is fresh again, like you're hearing that devastating news for the 1st time all over again. I know men "handle" these issues differently than we women do, but it would be so nice if he cared too, if he knew the dates that were going to be hard, & acknowledged them in some way. To know that the chances of having a rainbow baby are nonexistent to slim at best......it just hurts, SO MUCH!!!
I'm sorry if this post is rambling, but I know you ladies will understand! It just really sucks to hurt this much.....I miss my babies!

[dawn]

((((huge hugs))))))

[Kayt]

I'm so sorry for your losses. *big hugs*

My DH can be like that too. It doesn't seem to effect him like it does me. Three of my friends are due (one is actually overdue at the moment) and it's been so hard to be excited for them without getting lost in jealousy. This past week was especially hard. Every night I lost it and sometimes just randomly when we were out shopping yesterday. I thought I was doing so well having recently returned to work and trying to put the pieces back together. When I'm upset all he says is "I miss him too.". I don't want him to hurt either, but it feels almost as if I'm crying for both of us sometimes.

[justlostanangel]

dawn & Kayt--Thanks so much! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to you too!! Men just process things so differently! For us, we've had those physical changes, those cravings, that connection; which in a "normal" situation is AWESOME because it helps you bond to your baby....but when you have a loss, it just makes it that much harder! If it wasn't for the SG family, I'd be dealing with this all alone....so grateful for all of you!

[emily]

I completely understand about the grief. You're feeling totally fine and then you get hit by a freight train

[justlostanangel]

Yes, ma'am!! Earlier this week I was checking the mail, & there was something from Gerber "now you have a 2 year old." UGH! Like a knife to the heart! Bad part is, I unsubscribed from all that stuff! Bleh!