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Post by pocooso on Mar 4, 2013 1:20:55 GMT -5
This is a hard time of the year with my friends' kids graduating from 8th grade. My daughter died in 4th grade. This will be the second major milestone that I have missed. Everyone is writing about their kids' high school acceptance letters. As it is, it is hard to not feel insecure about everyone else's kids' fabulous accomplishments. I feel that I only produce 'normal' kids, but one of mine will never accomplish anything anymore because she is dead. I feel I should be ecstatic for others, but instead I feel sadness at times that are supposed to be joyous. It sucks to feel lonely. I lost everything that tied me to my daughter.
I don't have connections to the parents of toddlers at my 2-year-olds day care. I am starting all over. It feels like flunking school and being sent back in time. I wish I could embrace the idea of making a new set of friends. Though I have kept most of the old friends, life is not the same.
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Post by julesie on Mar 8, 2013 22:03:27 GMT -5
I am very very sorry for the loss of your beautiful precious girl. I am an old member of MTOM but have been reeling with feelings of hurt for my dear friend whose son died of an accidental drowning at 4yrs old. I feel empty and guilty for her, bc as you said everyone is able to move forward but it is very hard for her and her husband. Like you, she has kept her "old" friends but there are very few people in her circle...really only one who has suffered such a great loss of an young child. I remember talking to the priest about what we all can do to ease the pain and he really just said "time". Be there for your friend but time is the only healer of such a deep wound. I have found that my friend likes to talk about her son and she loves to show pics and see friends both little and adults smile with memories of his silliness and personality. I think its normal to feel like you do...sadness and not joy for other friends children. My friends son should have been graduating prek with our other friends kids yet how can she be completely overjoyed for them? I think it may be healthy for you to keep old friends but be open to the idea of new friends...people who will welcome talking about your daughter and you dont have to always have your guard up...life is not the same for you...you need to find your new norm....one step at a time............hugs
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Post by Clara Hinton on Mar 11, 2013 17:00:07 GMT -5
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your daughter.  I'm so glad, though, that you have kept some of your original friends because they know you and they know the pain you've been through and continue to feel. It's hard to divide your life into "before my daughter died" and "since my daughter died" -- but it almost feels like we're forced to do that in so many ways. After losing my son, it took YEARS for me to truly be happy for others whose children were born the same time as my son. I felt happy for them, but internally there was always a bit of an emotion I guess I'd call jealousy. My child wasn't here and their child was and that hurt so very, very bad. This is another big milestone for you, and I hope you'll line up support and that you'll be able to talk freely and openly about your daughter. Include her in your conversation -- and as you make new friends, be sure to let others know about your daughter and how much a part of your life she always will be even though she is not here with you on earth. Sending special hugs your way. Love, Clara |
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Post by missingisaiah on Apr 1, 2013 11:28:29 GMT -5
(((HUGS))) It is hard to be happy for others when you don't get to experience milestones with your child. Almost 6.5 years I am just starting to be happy for others.
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I'm so glad, though, that you have kept some of your original friends because they know you and they know the pain you've been through and continue to feel.
