New to this type of grief

[salange]

Hello...my name is Stacy and I experienced my first miscarriage this past Friday at 12 wks. I am already the proud mom of 2 wonderful children and my heart is absolutely shattered at the loss of their brother or sister. I had an ultrasound at 8.5 wks and saw my wonderful child bouncing around in there with a very strong heart beat and then less than a week before my next appt at 13 wks I started to bleed. There was no pain whatsoever wi the bleeding but I knew deep down in my heart what was happening. I went to the dr e next morning and she confirmed on an ultrasound that my baby had indeed died. I can't even begin to describe the devastating feelings that flooded me as I lay there watching my still baby on the screen. Because I was 12 wks and the size of the baby on the screen my dr recommended a d&c e next morning. I agreed and afterwards the dr informed my husband that this was indeed the best choice due to the size of the baby etc. the only bright side to this whole experience has been my absolutely amazing OB and the staff at the hospital and her office. I have never dealt with such compassionate and caring medical professionals and am thankful that they have been there to support me thru this process.

That brings me to today. It has been 2 days since e d&c and the cramping is starting to subside. This is a welcome change because with every pinching cramping feeling I am reminded of the painful emptiness inside me. I have taken the next week off of work to try and work thru some of my of emotions and gather my strength to return to the workplace.

My heart is broken and the tears still flow freely...and advice you may have would be so greatly appreciated!

[triangelmom]

Stacy, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you have a supportive OB and the hospital staff was compassionate with your care. That makes all the difference in the hours and days after losing a pregnancy. Physically, you are starting to feel better but emotionally, your heart is broken and you are grieving. This will take time. It will never go away completely and you will never get over your loss as you are mourning the loss of a baby you will never know or raise. For that, I am so sorry.
Having survived three pregnancy losses, I can tell you that it will take time. You can go to work in a week, which I think is a good idea, as you need some time to just heal and grieve before you resume your regular routine. It might be hard to hear from people if and when they comment as sometimes, people say things and they mean well but it doesn't always come out that way. You might hear things like 'it's for the best' or 'at least you have other children.' Believe me, I heard it all and while you have the comfort of having healthy children, it doesn't take away the pain you are feeling over the loss of this baby you wanted to have.
Keep posting here as you will find a great source of support and understanding from others who have been where you are right now. Wishing you healing and happiness.

[justlostanangel]

Stacy, I'm so sorry for your loss! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} I'm glad that you are able to take some time off work; that will help so much more than you might realize. The physical recovery is usually quick & pretty straightforward. Emotionally, spiritually....THAT can take a while!! IRL, people will say things that will hurt you, like a knife to your heart; when that happens, remember that we are all here for you, & we know what that's like! Be patient & gentle to yourself while you're recovering; one of the ladies here put it so well....you have to adapt to a "new normal." Give yourself time, & surround yourself with family, friends who will help you & hold you up while you're hurting. Again, I'm so sorry....