Post by katsmom on Jan 10, 2013 22:17:10 GMT -5
i just posted this on the TTC board, but I'm not sure how the flows run on the boards anymore so I'm posting here as well. hope nobody minds..
even if no one reads this, i find it theraputic to get it out in text form. sorry, i tend to ramble. long story short, after a devastating stillbirth, i was blessed with two beautiful boys. my youngest is now 5 yrs old. my hubby has a great desire for another child...and in a hurry. I'm not sure what had motivated this sudden change in him and as much as i love the idea, it scares me to death. I'm petrified of another loss. i suffered a mc shortly after my youngest arrived. at the time i felt guilty for even trying for a #3. i felt God was humbling me by striking down my enthusiasm as if to say who do you think you are? so far, i have a 50% success rate in this pregnancy thing. but sometimes i feel that's too much of a gamble. i dont know if my psyche can't handle those odds. i feel unbelievably blessed to have a 13 yr old step daughter I've raised as my own since she was 3, along with my two little men. i still wonder sometimes how i got so lucky. luck. is it just luck? am i pushing my luck wanting another child? should i just be content with the blessings I've been given, or do i chance it and see what happens? i feel like I'm seeing myself up for failure. i know loss isn't a failure, but it sure feels like it when it happens to you. its been 5years since we've even tried. am i ready for another trip on the ttc rollercoaster?
even if no one reads this, i find it theraputic to get it out in text form. sorry, i tend to ramble. long story short, after a devastating stillbirth, i was blessed with two beautiful boys. my youngest is now 5 yrs old. my hubby has a great desire for another child...and in a hurry. I'm not sure what had motivated this sudden change in him and as much as i love the idea, it scares me to death. I'm petrified of another loss. i suffered a mc shortly after my youngest arrived. at the time i felt guilty for even trying for a #3. i felt God was humbling me by striking down my enthusiasm as if to say who do you think you are? so far, i have a 50% success rate in this pregnancy thing. but sometimes i feel that's too much of a gamble. i dont know if my psyche can't handle those odds. i feel unbelievably blessed to have a 13 yr old step daughter I've raised as my own since she was 3, along with my two little men. i still wonder sometimes how i got so lucky. luck. is it just luck? am i pushing my luck wanting another child? should i just be content with the blessings I've been given, or do i chance it and see what happens? i feel like I'm seeing myself up for failure. i know loss isn't a failure, but it sure feels like it when it happens to you. its been 5years since we've even tried. am i ready for another trip on the ttc rollercoaster?