sad still

[jackie]

I was four months pregnant with my son when they told me he had no heartbeat. My husband and I were devastated. He was due on January 10th, 2013. His name was alexander and JJ to our 5 year old daughter. Well my husband says he is fine and he does not seem to understand why I am upset. He has said this is new territory for him and he does not know how to respond to deal with or help me. I am doing better now. I go to work and definitely feel more engaged with the world around me. But it feels like sadness is just always under the surface and the smallest things tip me into a very sad place. These days happen less and less. I know grief takes time. I just miss him so much. I am not sure if I dream about him but it seems like I wake up crying on these "bad" days and can not seem to stop all day. I have no tolerance for anyone on these days and if I coud I would stay in bed all day. It is hard still for me to hear about people having babies and see babies. I do not feel like I can talk to my husband or anyone really. It makes me feel angry at him and lonely. I have tried to talk to him over the past couple of months and he says he recovers fast from emotional loss and that I have issues because sometimes (on my bad days) I have a very short temper. Mayb I do. IDK. I feel crazy and hope that it keeps getting better and that the very bad days lessen. I just want to get past January 10th. Thanks for listening.

[justlostanangel]

I'm so sorry for your loss!! Men DO cope differently than we do, & often they have no idea what to say, so sometimes they end up saying stuff that hurts! It's TOTALLY normal that with Alexander's due date coming up that you would be sad!! I can remember that I struggled with pregnant women, babies, ultrasound pictures, etc. I actually had to take some time off work, because I work in labor & delivery (talk about tough!!!). It's to be expected that you would have a shorter fuse on those days you're struggling---perfectly normal for we humans! It DOES get better, but it does take time. Once you get past Jan. 10th, I think you'll find that the overwhelming sadness eases. Granted, there will still be tough days, & sometimes the things that trigger sadness can be surprising, but it WILL be easier! Remember that we're here for you; it may be cyberspace, but we're here & we can relate to what you're going through!! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

[marianne]

I had a very short fuse for ages after my loss, which was similar to yours. Its like everythings a bit too raw and nerves are too close to the surface.

[Kayt]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. We had that same heart breaking news that our son's heart had stopped beating. I've never felt so immediately broken. I was due January 6th and I thought that was going to be a very difficult day. My husband and I spent the day together playing board games and watching movies. It ended up not being too bad of a day. We miss our son (Who we also named Alexander ) but we know he's in our hearts and is watching over us as I'm sure your son is as well. I'm so sorry you had to go through such a terrible heartache and I'm sorry your husband just doesn't understand. I think because men don't have that physical connection with the baby that they're able to move on more quickly. They don't have to go through the physical pain along with the devastating emotional pain so I think they're able to distance themselves from it a lot easier.

Heartache means that you really care about your son. Even if he can't physically be with you I'm sure you will always have him in your heart.

Things will look up eventually. I've found that looking forward to the future really helps.

[sindy]

I miscarried at 12 weeks, twins in fact! It's been a few months but I still get very angry and have bad days where all I do sit sit and think about what could have been.

[triangelmom]

Having experienced three pregnancy losses, I remember all too well the short fuses I felt and thinking that I was expected to just get back to 'reality.' If only...the blow of a miscarriage is devastating and time heals...it doesn't cure but it does offer some healing. You will have a mixture of good days and not so good days and in time, you will experience more good days than bad and after a while, there will be good days. You can move forward with this but you will never forget.
Wishing you healing and happiness ahead, Hannah

[emily]

Men never get it and it's not entirely their faults. They don't understand what it's like to carry a life inside your body and certainly not to have the precious life taken away from you. Its been 3 yrs and I'm still angry that no one in my day to day life seemed to care that my babies were gone. I'm probably more angry now whereas I was more hurt back then. But I've learned that you have to cut people some slack. Because honestly, 99% of everything that everyone said to me was wrong and I know that they genuinely didn't know how to help me or console me because there wasn't a way. It's a personal struggle in a lot of ways. YOU have to come to terms with your own loss and you have to be able to get out of bed and live with the rest of the world. For me, that was really difficult. Time definitely helps but it's not a magic cure. There are still days when I get really emotional. I get really frustrated with myself. I think that I should be much better than I am but there's no time limit on grief. Hang in there