Kayt
Junior Member
Posts: 70
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Post by Kayt on Jan 24, 2013 20:39:17 GMT -5
Thank you Raosa, I really appreciate it.
It's been really hard trying to deal with it since Saturday. I had a really bad gallbladder attack (have had about 5 since Alex was born). I ended up with two stones lodged in the duct and had to get those scoped out then had to have my gallbladder removed. So for now I'm not even able to shed tears over the loss of my son as crying puts my body in agony.
I really wish nobody ever had to go through this. It's horrible and I wish I could take all the hurt away from any mother who's ever experienced this sort of thing.
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Post by babyflewaway on Jan 30, 2013 17:36:38 GMT -5
Dear Kayt,
After all the support you've given me, I wanted to read your story and see if I could help you in any way. But the only thing I can tell you is what you told me: that I feel it too, that it's normal to grieve, that it's good to let it out. What happened to you and to Alexander is nothing short of tragic. I know how you feel about going into the nursery and hugging your son's toys; some nights I grab Jonah's blue bunny and hold it close and cry. The box of chocolates I craved when I was pregnant is still next to my bed. I can't throw it out, or even put it away. Sometimes physical things help, especially when we're trying so hard to remind ourselves that our precious babies are real.
I had a similar moment to you in the hospital: my form read "miscarriage" and they asked if there was any chance I was still pregnant. I didn't yell at the nurse, but I wanted to. I wish I had, to be honest.
You and Alexander are in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you're having a good day.
Isobel
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Kayt
Junior Member
Posts: 70
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Post by Kayt on Feb 15, 2013 19:19:46 GMT -5
Sorry I haven't been on in a couple weeks. I recently started a new job so I've been pretty busy. I didn't quite feel ready to go back to work but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to get away from my old job. It's kind of nice to be a nobody right now. Some people know what happened, but my customers will never ask me where I am now as non of them know me, and most of my coworkers (aside from the higher ups and one of my fellow associates) know what I've been through. I kind of felt like everyone that did know kept judging me and people just didn't seem to know how to talk to me. At least where I am now I can pretend to be who I used to be just to escape my feelings for a bit. They all seem to come flooding back when I get home though but at least this way I'll be able to save up more for our next little one so that we'll be in an even better position financially.
I found an elephant stuffy in our nursery and decided to snuggle with it at night. It's comforting to be able to hold on to something small and soft while I sleep. I also can't leave the house without my locket. I've also been thinking about getting a tattoo but I'm not sure exactly where to place it. I want to be able to see it but at the same time I don't want it to be somewhere that I see every time I look in the mirror or something so that I can look at it when I want but so that it's not right in my face all the time.
I'm starting to feel more restless about trying again. Thankfully my health is improving (though my cycle is messed up right now due to recently having surgery). My blood sugar is even improving which is fantastic! (It's pretty expensive to test my blood so often). It's very encouraging since I'm now diabetic (which can be dangerous when it comes to conceiving). I feel as if I'll go crazy before May arrives. All I want is a baby in my arms.
Thank you so much for reading my story. It really means a lot to me. Your story has really touched my heart Isobel, and I often find myself thinking of you and hoping that you're doing well.
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