Miscarried on our wedding anniversary

[april01]

A friend of mine turned me on to this forum, said it was a lot of help to her after she lost her baby. I've been reading it for the last two months, but never posted anything.

When does this get better?

I miscarried our first child on our wedding anniversary two months ago. I hemorrhaged in the process and almost bled out in the ER. When I finally delivered my baby, they threw it in the trash, said I shouldn't think of it as a baby, but as "tissue my body wanted to get rid of".

Ever since that day I feel like I'm floating through life, like everything good in me died and I just want to hide from the world. I've literally waited my whole life to be a mum. It's all I've ever thought about or wanted, I've based all my life decisions to date on being a parent, and 13 weeks in it was all gone.

I feel so empty and I have no idea how to fix it. I really want to be happy again, but I can't imagine how.

All I want is my baby back

[triangelmom]

First off, I am so sorry for the loss you have suffered and you are grieving. I am also very sorry for the way you were treated in the ER and how callous and unfeeling the staff was to you. Having someone minimize your loss -- a very real and tragic one at that -- invalidates you and your feelings and makes the process all the more difficult.
You have not only lost a baby you wanted but you have suffered the loss of a long awaited dream. You can and will heal in time and move forward and I hope and pray that you realize the dream you wish for yourself. There is no easy fix...surround yourself with people who can offer you support, understanding, sensitivity and validation of your grief. Don't keep your pain to yourself...find a support group for grieving parents facing pregnancy loss at your local hospital or community center and please post here on SG. It's a wonderful board of people who truly understand what you are going through.

[justlostanangel]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} april01!!! I'm so sorry for your loss, especially on such a day of celebration! It grieves me, & upsets me!, that you were treated so rudely & insensitively by health care workers who should have known better! Going through the grief process after losing a baby is hard, & can take what seems to be a long time. That's OK! There will come a day when you realize that you made it through a day without feeling sad or crying all the time....a day when you smile or laugh.....don't feel bad when that happens!! It does NOT mean you love your baby any less; it means that your grief isn't so raw any more. The love you have for your baby will not diminish, but the ache, the horrible pain in your heart will ease. Triangelmom was spot on with recommending finding a local group to help you make it through this hard time. Those of us here on SG are here for you too!!

[april01]

Thanks guys I'm not sure where to find a support group in my area, all of them seem to be for parents who lost babies after they were born.
It's a good idea though, I'm so angry all the time, maybe talking with people will help me start to feel happier...