Post by imarig on Nov 23, 2012 16:36:56 GMT -5
April 3rd i recieved my baby && Sadly July 11th her heart stopped at 16 weeks , July 13th i had a DNC . i was so Hurt. i will be COMPLETELY honest. being 20 a early veteran working as a waitress when i found out that i was pregnant i was choosing abortion. and me and the father had a mutual agreement that that is what we were going to do . but the State of Virginia has made a new law that if you choose to have an Abortion you have to have an ultrasound. &&& i thank every lawmaker in the state of va that APPROVED that law because once i seen my lil seed on that screen i knew i would do WHATEVER it took to provide for her. &&& the icing on the cake was my due date is Christmas Day of this year . i knew she was a keeper. && i fell completely in love. BUT i hide my pregnancy up until 3 months. My family are Christians and i just couldnt take them looking down on me. but as time progress my lil one was growing ALOT . i looked like i was 5 months when i was on 3 and a half months pregant and people QUICKLY new. but everyone was soooo supprtive. the father would tell me to put the phone to my stomach and he would speak to her. (he lived outta state) things were going good. i was working eating and sleeping.... LIVING THE GOOD OLE PREGANT life 
&& suddenly things changed.... i started cramping SO BAD. but was told it was normal. then Mid June i went to the hospital after leaking ALOT at work and even a STONG cramp fell over me . NOONE told me that day i was in labor. they even did the heart radar and she had a strong heartbeat so i was ok and they sent me home. so on a normal routine appt i went in and left out with HORRIBLE news. My baby had no fluid around her to grow. they sent me home , put me on bed rest. and told me to wait for my appt with the specialist. 4 days later my apt came and her little heart stopped and i didnt know what to do. my world ended. i was emotionally DEAD. i was scheduled for a DNC 2 days later. I never felt that EMPTY in my life..... 3 weeks after my DNC my breast started leaking and to this day i still eat and pee like im pregnant . my body still thinks im pregnant. Now im nearing my due date and i feel it has been pushed under the bus. ppl say i should just move on and get over it but how can you get over losing a child. ?? My own FATHER AND STEPMOM who i am close with HAVE YET TO CALL ME AND ASK ME AM I OKAY .... my sister told me the other day that i use LOSING my daughter as a CLUTCH . my PARTNER told me ii needa let go. BUT how .... and some days i wanna SCREAM SO BAD ..... " you dont feel my pain so f**k OFF " but i dont. i cant i just hide and cry . i miss her dearly and around this time i should be 8mnths and miserable but um NOT and im DEPRESSED. i sometimes dont know where to begin or in . my life is Dark no longer Bright. Her name is Noelle Imani Boone. i think of her every second of every day .
IM SORRY MY POST IS SO LONG BUT I NEEDED TO VENT. THANK YOU FOR READING.
&& suddenly things changed.... i started cramping SO BAD. but was told it was normal. then Mid June i went to the hospital after leaking ALOT at work and even a STONG cramp fell over me . NOONE told me that day i was in labor. they even did the heart radar and she had a strong heartbeat so i was ok and they sent me home. so on a normal routine appt i went in and left out with HORRIBLE news. My baby had no fluid around her to grow. they sent me home , put me on bed rest. and told me to wait for my appt with the specialist. 4 days later my apt came and her little heart stopped and i didnt know what to do. my world ended. i was emotionally DEAD. i was scheduled for a DNC 2 days later. I never felt that EMPTY in my life..... 3 weeks after my DNC my breast started leaking and to this day i still eat and pee like im pregnant . my body still thinks im pregnant. Now im nearing my due date and i feel it has been pushed under the bus. ppl say i should just move on and get over it but how can you get over losing a child. ?? My own FATHER AND STEPMOM who i am close with HAVE YET TO CALL ME AND ASK ME AM I OKAY .... my sister told me the other day that i use LOSING my daughter as a CLUTCH . my PARTNER told me ii needa let go. BUT how .... and some days i wanna SCREAM SO BAD ..... " you dont feel my pain so f**k OFF " but i dont. i cant i just hide and cry . i miss her dearly and around this time i should be 8mnths and miserable but um NOT and im DEPRESSED. i sometimes dont know where to begin or in . my life is Dark no longer Bright. Her name is Noelle Imani Boone. i think of her every second of every day . IM SORRY MY POST IS SO LONG BUT I NEEDED TO VENT. THANK YOU FOR READING.
