10 year anniversary rapidly approaching

[Caden's Mom]

Hi. My name is Leanne, and my son Caden passed away in my arms unexpectedly when he was 4 months old. I don't remember the last time I posted on here, but I am feeling the need to reach out. December 6th will mark 10 years since his death. A lot has changed over the last 10 years, but I find that I still grieve deeply. The pain can still knock the breath from me. I find it curious and interesting that people think I shouldn't be consumed by grief, that I should be grateful for what I do have, and that I should have "closure" by now. Well, though I am grateful for the many blessings in my life, I doubt that I will ever experience closure and not feel deep pain on Caden's birth date and death date. I miss him and I always will.

Thanks for listening,

Leanne

[jaredsmommyforever]

Hi Leanne,

I am not on here a lot, and I know it has been quiet in general, but I am very sad to see that you did not get replies to your posing. I am so sorry to know it has been ten years. That is an eternity. And that Caden died in your arms... It is too much for words. You will never "have closure" over Caden's death, because it will never be acceptable that he is not here alive with you. I am so sorry to know yet another mother doesn't get the support and understanding she needs, but I wonder if anyone gets that. People just don't understand what this loss really is.

Anyway, I wanted you to know that someone read your post and wanted to reach out to you.

Take care,

Denise

[duffield95]

I have always done more reading than posting on this site but I am also about to hit the ten year mark in May 2013. I think we may be feeling the need to reach out because this is some sort of awful milestone. I can't believe it will be ten years since my daughter Korri died because it is double the time she got to live. I think I also find it hard that I managed to live through the last ten years. I feel very similar to you Leanne because I still do grieve deeply but I try to hide it as best I can. It have gotten very good at shutting off my feelings in certain moments where I don't want others to know that I still grieve because I know that I will hear things like "count your blessings, stay positive, look at all the good things you have in life." Believe me, I get why people say those things and I often try to live by them...but as you said there are still times every now and then when my breath gets knocked out of me and I just have to let it out and grieve. I think in the end it is just my expression of love for her and yours for Caden. Is that really so wrong even if it has been 10 years?