Post by bracy1976 on Nov 11, 2012 23:21:51 GMT -5
Hello. I am feeling very very alone after my miscarriage. I found out in September that my husband and I were pregnant with our second child. It was a complete surprise as we were not trying to get pregnant. In fact, I was resigned to being one-and-done since our son is 5.5 years old, so I sold all my baby things in a huge garage sale in July. I went to the doctor Oct. 1 for my first appointment. I was 8w5d at that point. The baby measured 8w3d and had a strong 179bpm heart rate. All looked good. The baby was due on my son's 6th birthday (May 8th).
Then, on Oct 24 I started spotting. I was 12 weeks. I called the dr. and they told me not to worry unless it was bright red, I had cramping or if the bleeding increased, especially since I had placenta previa (and bleeding at the same point in my pregnancy) with my son.
On Oct 26, I started bleeding and took myself to the hospital while my husband stayed with our son until his mother arrived to watch him. It was then that I learned our baby was dead. The baby measured 8w5d. Seems the baby died just days after my ultrasound. Since I was not feeling any pain, I elected to go home and see my dr at my scheduled appointment on Oct. 30 for an outpatient D&C. I didn't make it that long. The pain became intense on Oct 28. So bad that I thought I was dying. Then the bleeding started. There was so much blood! Once at the ER again, I was given morphine for the pain and wheeled in for an emergency D&C. That was 2 weeks ago.
Since I was 12 weeks, I had just started telling people I was pregnant. It has been hard going back and telling people that I lost the baby. And it has been very hard to see my BFF pregnant. She is 4 weeks ahead of where I was.
My husband, who was initially supportive of my grief, is starting to get annoyed with my constant crying over everything. I am having a hard time dealing with my son, who also is sad he won't have a sister (he was convinced I was carrying a girl, but I have no way of knowing if he was correct).
To top it off, my mom had heart surgery just before I lost the baby, and another one just last week (2 heart surgeries in 10 days).
I feel overwhelmed. And constantly sad. And very alone. And out of control. I feel like the baby was real only to me. After all, I don't even know if I had a girl or a boy. I had nothing to hold. Nothing to bury. Nothing tangible but an ultrasound photo. Most people didn't know I was pregnant.
I don't know what to do. I have been in therapy for depression since before I got pregnant, but even that isn't helping. I am also planning on making a memorial bracelet once the beads I ordered arrive. I asked my husband about naming the baby and he doesn't want to do that. While he was sad, I don't think he feels near the loss I feel. I just feel like I am losing my mind...
Does it get easier? Should I be "over it" by now as some people have been telling me? After all, I only knew I was pregnant for 6 weeks... When can I expect to feel "normal" again?
Thanks for reading...
- Brenda
Then, on Oct 24 I started spotting. I was 12 weeks. I called the dr. and they told me not to worry unless it was bright red, I had cramping or if the bleeding increased, especially since I had placenta previa (and bleeding at the same point in my pregnancy) with my son.
On Oct 26, I started bleeding and took myself to the hospital while my husband stayed with our son until his mother arrived to watch him. It was then that I learned our baby was dead. The baby measured 8w5d. Seems the baby died just days after my ultrasound. Since I was not feeling any pain, I elected to go home and see my dr at my scheduled appointment on Oct. 30 for an outpatient D&C. I didn't make it that long. The pain became intense on Oct 28. So bad that I thought I was dying. Then the bleeding started. There was so much blood! Once at the ER again, I was given morphine for the pain and wheeled in for an emergency D&C. That was 2 weeks ago.
Since I was 12 weeks, I had just started telling people I was pregnant. It has been hard going back and telling people that I lost the baby. And it has been very hard to see my BFF pregnant. She is 4 weeks ahead of where I was.
My husband, who was initially supportive of my grief, is starting to get annoyed with my constant crying over everything. I am having a hard time dealing with my son, who also is sad he won't have a sister (he was convinced I was carrying a girl, but I have no way of knowing if he was correct).
To top it off, my mom had heart surgery just before I lost the baby, and another one just last week (2 heart surgeries in 10 days).
I feel overwhelmed. And constantly sad. And very alone. And out of control. I feel like the baby was real only to me. After all, I don't even know if I had a girl or a boy. I had nothing to hold. Nothing to bury. Nothing tangible but an ultrasound photo. Most people didn't know I was pregnant.
I don't know what to do. I have been in therapy for depression since before I got pregnant, but even that isn't helping. I am also planning on making a memorial bracelet once the beads I ordered arrive. I asked my husband about naming the baby and he doesn't want to do that. While he was sad, I don't think he feels near the loss I feel. I just feel like I am losing my mind...
Does it get easier? Should I be "over it" by now as some people have been telling me? After all, I only knew I was pregnant for 6 weeks... When can I expect to feel "normal" again?
Thanks for reading...
- Brenda
