New IVF Cycle After Loss of Twins at 20 weeks

[corneliamarie]

I lost my healthy twin girls conceived from IVF at 20 weeks due to group b strep and placental abruption in July. I am on stim meds right now for a new IVF cycle.

I am feeling so many emotions right now. I am very worried that it could happen again. I am really not sure how I would handle another loss like that. I am also in 'self protection' mode. I am being very cautious...afraid to let myself get excited or get my hopes up to have my heart crushed again. Why is it so hard to trust God and His outcome sometimes?

Can anyone relate?

[dawn]

I am so sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine having lost twins at 20 weeks. (((huge hugs)))) A sad, but warm welcome to SG.

Although I never went the IVF route, I can understand being in the self protection mode. We lost two babies to miscarriage. When I finally conceived my daughter, I was so afraid that I was going to lose her. We actually moved half way through my pregnancy because of the nightmares I was having. When she was born healthy and beautiful, I thought that somehow we had it all figured out and that we wouldn't lose anymore now that I was on a particular medication. I didn't know that I had a blood clotting condition and ended up losing three more babies after her before being treated for the blood clotting condition.

It rocked my faith, yes. But without my faith in God, I don't know how I would've survived all of that. There's a "why trap" that many fall into after loss and I did my best not to fall into it. Blaming themselves, the doctors, their circumstances, God.....it just won't get you anywhere but more depressed. I was blessed with some really good doctors for my last two. My Reproductive Endocrinologist's office staff was awesome! They explained everything and made sure I was seen at least once (sometimes more) times a week, until they released me into my OBGYN's care at 12 weeks. My OBGYN is a Christian. She was wonderful and very patient with me. She allowed me to come in whenever I was having one of those paranoid moments (especially in the 2nd trimester) and I just needed the reassurance of hearing my babies' heartbeats. I think having understanding doctors is so important.

One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time....that's all one can do when they've suffered a loss. Even though I am no longer trying to conceive, I will check back here and see how things are going for you as I can.

Praying for you.

[grieving55]

Oh so sorry for your loss!!! I can't begin to imagine but please just take one day at a time. It will get better and you will begin to heal. Hoping things turn around and keeping my fingers crossed for you and future babies!

[hopefulk]

My heart goes out to you and I feel your pain. I am so so sorry about your loss. I lost my healthy twins (conceived via ivf), a boy and a girl at 20 weeks to strep B in August. In addition to this great loss, I almost lost my life from the d&c as I went into septic shock. I am incredibly lucky to be alive and feel so so blessed but at the same time there is so much sorrow in my life. It was hard waking up knowing that your babies are gone but then to be told you almost died - quite a shock. There are no words that can describe my pain and grief. I feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives and I am in the same spot day after day. Although it was been over 2 months, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of the twins.

I am contemplating about another transfer, I have 4 embryos left from my last ivf cycle. I have been advised to transfer only one this time along with serious monitoring. I am considering surrogacy as well. I am still healing and feel like I can't really make a sound decision at the moment.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Keep positive and good luck with your upcoming ivf cycle.