Post by Lmnop on Sept 28, 2012 3:02:27 GMT -5
I don't know why it struck tonight but all of a sudden the sadness and sense of loss hit with a rush. It's been 14 months since I lost our blueberry baby. I'm actually pregnant and due in 5 weeks. This has been a weird pregnancy in the light of the last one -- major scare with hematoma early on and now it's going unnervingly well, but I almost still can't believe in it. I was so emotionally connected to my last two pregnancies. I don't know if I got pregnant too soon after losing the blueberry. (My LMP was actually on blueberry's due date, isn't that ironic.) But anyway... maybe it hit today because someone very dear to me announced her pregnancy to me today, and also her fear of mc. (It's her first, no known health concerns.)
Whatever the case, I'm missing my baby tonight. People say that getting pregnant again brings healing. I don't know if that's true or not. I do know that the baby currently kicking my bladder is a totally different person than the one whose kicks I never got to feel. And that my little blueberry would be getting ready to crawl right about now under the watchful eye of her big sister, who would pat her cheeks and say "Chubby, chubby!" like she does with our babysitter's baby of the same age.
Goodnight, little fat hands and feet. Goodnight, little soft cheeks and wispy hair. I'll kiss you someday.
Whatever the case, I'm missing my baby tonight. People say that getting pregnant again brings healing. I don't know if that's true or not. I do know that the baby currently kicking my bladder is a totally different person than the one whose kicks I never got to feel. And that my little blueberry would be getting ready to crawl right about now under the watchful eye of her big sister, who would pat her cheeks and say "Chubby, chubby!" like she does with our babysitter's baby of the same age.
Goodnight, little fat hands and feet. Goodnight, little soft cheeks and wispy hair. I'll kiss you someday.
