dyeing inside. why me? why my babies?

[joiryder69]

I found out i was pregnant in July, this was not planned and my husband and I were kind of stressed due to our financial situation. but we adjusted and became excited and hopeful.At my first dr appt i was nine weeks and we got the wonderful news that there were TWO heartbeats we were having twins, we were overwhelmed but could not wait to take this journey. I have a bicournuate Uterus which makes me high risk, and even higher risk carrying two, as the most common problem with my uterus is pre term labor, I have two beutiful children who were both born premature. we went to our normal bi weekly OB appointments and everything checked out normal, i was so thrilled i started sharing the news and bringing out my maternity clothes picking out names, and our good freind even bought us to infant car seats and a double stroller! i felt so blessed.and at twelve weeks i felt like i was safe and this was really happening . but my world was shattered in a matter of minuets, after going to our ultrasound last wed morning, the dr told us the babies had no heartbeat. i died inside. and im still dyeing inside i am so heartbroken with feelings of guilt and as if i let everyone down. I dont want to face anyone i feel like evryone is staring at me, i cry all day. i want my babies back. it is not fair why did this happen to me? I dont knwo how to move on from this and be ok. im just so sad, and looking for support any way i can find it. thank you for listening to my story

[marianne]

So sorry for your terrible loss. we have a lot of people who have lost twins, i think is more high risk of miscarriage but no one tells you that, do they ??
All i can advise is to take one day at a time, dont blame yourself because this is absolutely just bad luck, and hug your other children .

[lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom]

A sad welcome to SG; I am so very sorry for the loss of your twins. It's so unfair that this should happen after you'd seen heartbeats and finally let your guard down.

Re: moving on, it is way too soon to expect this of yourself (even though other people will express that they expect this of you...other people will express a LOT of inaccurate and unhelpful things as you walk this path). Posting here and talking with others who have been there is really the only thing that helps in these early days. Hope you will be back often. (((HUGS)))

[Corrin]

I haven't been on these forums for years, I felt the urge to come and send some love, some prayers and let you know that I was here, where you are almost a decade ago, and want to promise you that the pain - although it never goes away, It gets easier. This was my place of solice when when I was alone, when I couldn't handle or face the world. I lost my first baby in november 2003, and I thought I would never be strong enough to try again, I was sure something terrible would happen again. I was very blessed, I now have 3 children. 7, 3 and 2. I want to tell you that there is hope, and this is a horrible, gruelling, pressing time, and the hardest path I ever walked, I never forget my sweet little baby that flew too soon, but the pain is not always so incredibly raw. Love and Blessings to you <3 <3

[grieving55]

Oh honey - I am so sorry! I know that they say God works in mysterious ways but that doesn't do a lot of good right now. Know that it will get easier as time goes by but you are forever changed. Sending you hugs!

[Kayt]

I'm so very sorry. I too lost my baby as soon as I let my guard down. I'm taking it one day at a time as that's all that can really be done after something like this.

The people here are really nice and their stories instill hope in me. I hope they can do the same for you as well.

[Clara Hinton]

I, too, am so very sorry to hear of the loss of your twins. I can well remember going to the doctor at 14 weeks thinking all was well only to find out there was no heartbeat.

There are times when we feel like we just can't go on -- like we can't face people at all. Those are the times when we most need support, so I hope you will visit here often and allow yourself to be encouraged.

It took me the first three months to just let it sink in that my baby's heart wasn't beating. After that, it was another several months to even face others who had babies.

I want to share with you, as others have, that this pain is not always this raw. Little by little, day by day, you will begin to grow a bit stronger in your grief. It's different for everyone, but eventually you will find a more gentle place of grieving your losses.

Be sure to take good care of yourself -- get proper rest, and be sure to drink lots of water so that you stay well hydrated. So often, we forget about drinking water and become dehydrated and that affects every part of our body!

Sending special hugs and prayers your way today. You are in my special thoughts.

Love,
Clara Hinton