Feeling down

[momofsophie]

So it has been a very long time since my last post. I have just been having a extremely bad day and month at that. A mini update: I had a son 8 weeks premature due to a placenta abruption back in jan 2011. It was a traumatic birth that took 4 hours and very stressfully to baby Luke. Anyway after 6 weeks of fighting for life in a children's hospital Luke passed peacefully. So some days are ok but never a day passes that I do t think of him and I'm ok with that and in fact happy with that. I've just fallen into a deep sadness the past few weeks. My husband is comforting but I don't think he quite gets it. I don't express my sadness to others since I know they won't understand why I'm still so upset about it. My hubby and I have talked about trying for another next month and I want to but am terrified. I just fear something bad will happen again and don't know if my heart can take it. I lost a pregnancy at 20 weeks before my daughter was born so my heart has been thru it. I have talked to my doctor to get the ok to try again and of they tell me they can't promise anything which I get I just don't get it. I always pictured my fame with at least two kids and not sure why God has made it so difficult for me. Ok sorry to vent. I know I don't post often just needed to unload somewhere cuz I was feeling empty and knew y'all would understand.

Jen

[jezebel]

sorry to here this

I lost my son in April of this year he was 30 and I like you I don't go by one day without thinking of him. I may have more days then you but I as you do I feel empty. I don't know what to say to you and it is heart breaking I think this is worse then a spouse dying but there I don't know if it is since my spouse has not died.
I have not loss the emptiness and the longing to hear him or the phone to ring with him telling me how his day went or what kind of dogs he saw or played with in the pet store. I had always thought when he was young (infant ) his life was short.
I hope in time as I am waiting for this to that it will be less and I will not feel so empty it is to dull you will never forget no matter but I wait for time to make it less painful in remebering.

don't fret you can PM me and we can talk anytime as with these wonderful people that are on here I know what it is like to talk and not be heard by people, they kinda shun you but here the people know what you are going through and actaully CAN help you.

I find to if some one says they are sorry for my loss I seem to cry and if you do this it is ok.

Rhayden

[momofsophie]

Thank you for your support. Some days are just fine and days like yesterday are just horrible. I thought it wouldn't end. My daughter keeps me going and being able to cuddle with her helped my heart! It's hard because my brother and sister in law had a baby girl a couple days before Luke was born so when her birthday comes it is a bit difficult. But thanks again for being there to unload my emotions onto!

Jen

[jezebel]

get stress or sad you can ALWAYS email me I get on and off all days and I will be here.

I recently went on Vacation to see some of my husband's kin they had dogs and other animals I am sure my son would of had all of the dogs with him I was sad he was not able to come with me I am sure in spirit he was there but I thought in the flesh. My bad days are getting less and less but I am sure the road I am on has not ended yet and I don't think it ever will as long as I am alive one death comes ( not for a long time I hope never know with drunk drives or people texting or pick one) I might finally not have any more bad days.

Chin up it is good to have this sire and everyone knows how it is to loose a child I didn't think I would fit in here I tend to keep everything inside not to show and emotion but when David died it was like my heart and soul was ripped from my body I was glad I was sitting down when I was told if not I might of been knock cold from falling and hitting my head of the table.

I can't say I know what it is like for you my son was 30 but I think the loss is more for some one who looses a child that is very young. I feel for you REALLY I do. I am awful at trying to sad good things to people who have lost a loved one and I don't come across as sympathetic but I am. If I could help anyone here and had the power to bring them back I would.

Rhayden

[missingisaiah]

((((((HUGS))))) I am so sorry to hear about the loss of Luke.
If you aren't ready to try again, then don't try yet. My husband was ready to try again several weeks before I was ready. Thankfully when I told him I wasn't ready, he acknowledged my grief was different than his because I carried Isaiah, I gave birth to him, I was holding him when he stopped breathing. So he was o.k. with waiting until I was ready. I hope your husband will not pressure you and allow you to wait.