Am I being to overprotective?

[kristenf]

Ok Ladies I need some opinions here. I kicked my boyfriend ( and baby daddy ) out , long story we'll just say been there done that and AM NOT doing it again!! But any way we are having some issues with working out a visitation schedule for our 4 month old son Wyatt. We made an agreement already right after Wyatt was born and now he doesn't like it and doesn't think it's fair. So basically the way it is right now he gets Wyatt 3 days a week from 12-4 ( it's the longer than he's EVER been away from me). Now he thinks this is unfair because he believes he should be getting Wyatt over nights. I have said no to the overnights for a few reasons. First is I really don't think he's ready, he's only 4 months old he's never been away from me for that long and he's never slept anywhere but his own crib. Second is he is not set up for a baby where he is living now. He is living in a small 3 bedroom house with his mother, his nephew and his sister and his other sister stays there most weekends, so there is no crib for the baby and not even any room for the baby. Third he is such a sound sleeper that he doesn't hear Wyatt when he wakes up and wil just sleep right through his screaming. Fourth his mother is very ill and very often needs to be taken to the hospital in the middle of the night and where he is the only one in that family with a drivers license he is the one that ends up taking her, so that means he needs to wake Wyatt up in the middle of the night and pack him in the car to drive her to the hospital. And last but not least I really don't agree with how they raise and treat kids in that house or even each other. There is always screaming and yelling and swearing and name calling. He also smokes a fair amount of pot, he says he doesn't smoke it when he has Wyatt but I know when we were still together he would come home high and reaking of pot and I would get mad and make him leave.

Sorry it's such a long rant but I really need to get it off my chest and ask what you all think.So what do you think? Am I being overprotective? Would you guys let him take Wyatt for nights right now?

[missingisaiah]

NO WAY WOULD HE HAVE WYATT OVERNIGHT EVER!!!!

[kristenf]

Thanks Brenda. I'm really worried I'm being over protective, but I only want what is best for him. And it`s been getting scary these last few days. I made him leave because his jealousy crossed a line and became extreme ( screaming at me at 2am saying I have to change my phone number and not lat any males have it) and now his paranoia is going to extremes. I was at his work tonight ( he works in a grocery store and i didn`t know he was working) and when he got home he sent me an email ranting asking why I was there. Thought I was there to check up on him and try to catch him high or doing something wrong so I could keep Wyatt from him. It`s really starting to scare me what he may do next. If he`s so scared I will keep Wyatt from him I`m afraid he`s justifying it in his head to just take Wyatt. I should also mention he is Native and I`m not and he lives on the reserve and the Police and Child Protection have no jurisdiction there so if he takes him and won`t give him back there is no way to get him back

[autumnmusic]

Yep. I'd take your side on this. If the house is not set up for a baby--no overnights. Ever. That's unsafe.

As to what to do next, I think it's completely reasonable to discuss your concerns (which are utterly utterly valid) with someone in authority who DOES have jurisdiction where he lives. if you aren't sure who that is or how to contact them, your local police station should know. It is perfectly okay for you to walk in there and discuss with them what you could do in the event that you ever feel like your son's well-being is threatened when he's with his father. Child Protection may also have some experience in dealing with situations like these (as in, they may know who to call or what to do etc even if they don't have jurisdiction).

[mom4ever]

You are being appropriately protective. Autumnmusic is on the right track. Perhaps quite best to have something started, should he do something unreasonable.

[kristenf]

Thanks ladies. I am going to call the RCMP, Child Protection and Indian Affairs in the morning and make sure I have a plan in place so I make sure I can get my baby back in case he tries to take him.

[Krista]

Sounds like you are making the right choice. He doesn't sound safe. No WAY let him take Wyatt overnight. *hug*

[Healthylife4 Tori]

The only thing you "owe" is to be a good protective mother to your baby. Always go with your gut and never doubt it. ((hugs))

[marianne]

my son didnt go over night till he was one, and my ex was quite capable, i just thought my son was too young.

[grieving55]

Have you thought at all about mediation? I know there are several types of counseling that center around mediation and it's a more affordable way to have a neutral party help figure things out like visitation, etc. If you were the primary care giver and the Dad doesn't have a clue than I think that warrants some concern about overnights. I would take the time to start writing things down, keeping a journal and possibly look into mediation. And, no, not overprotective at all.

[jezebel]

When my son was born I lived with my husband brother yes my husbnad to. his mother and mother's boy friend I tho=ink lived there to anyhow they smoked as do=id we but I didn't around David even in the car we didn't because his lungs were so small I I didn't think he could handle the smoke I told the mother's boyfriend not to smoke around my kid and though grumping he went somewhere else. Doesn't matter if cigar, cigarette4, pot, crack, or what ever it will be smoked, it is not good for the baby as like when you pregnat why if it is not good when you smoke while pregnant is it to be while the baby is born NO IT IS NOT GOOD.
THe mother being sick and have to be rushed to a the the hospital is not good I don't know what she has but could it be giving to the baby as for crib my folks had my son and he was in a box YES A BOX they cut the top off and he was to sleep in the box I don't know why they did this but it worked I reckon my couldn't find the crib or they had to get far back into something to get it and it was a all day afair but they had it soft and had all the things a crib would have. and he went to sleep easy enough.
I don't think it is wise maybe ever till this guys has a place of his own and has the right stuff you THINK he shoud have so untill then maybe it should be no. or Tell him to take you to court he wouldn't have a chance in court.

Rhayden