How do you know your ready again?

[ellabella]

We lost our beloved son,Logan, just over two months ago (26weeks gestation) He only lived two days and the whole thing is very unreal. He was our first baby and we were/are desperate to start a family, how do you know when you are ready to try again? My heart is torn between trying for another baby and a deep guilt that trying again is in some way betraying his memory I know this is the only place my feelings would be understood... Thankyou in advance

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[missingisaiah]

Logan is adorable! I am so sorry for your loss. Isaiah was our first born. For us the hardest thing was not knowing why he died and therefore being afraid it would happen again.
My husband was ready before I was, but never pressured me.
I knew I was ready when I got to the point I knew I would always have the fear of losing another child, but was willing to take that risk.
As for feeling like you are some how betraying his memory if you try again, could you look at it this way: You know Logan is irreplaceable just as any other baby you have will be irreplaceable. You are not replacing him, or forgetting about him. You are only adding to your family. Tabatha is now 3 and knows about Isaiah. Our youngest is 15 months and has always heard about Isaiah. Tabatha says things that make me realize that although her big brother died nearly 2 years before she was born, she has this deep connection and love for him. If/when you have another one, I believe that child will have a connection and love for Logan too.

[butterflygirlpa]

I think missingisaiah's description was spot on...as that was really the way it was for me as well. Today is the 7th anniversary of my loss...and even though I have been blessed with two more children, I can't say that losing my first doesn't hurt sometimes. I am forever changed by what happened and will never be the same. I feel as though I was robbed of ever having a carefree pregnancy and was very jealous of friends who could. After my loss, I had to take time to grieve over what happened. I even went to a few pregnancy and infant loss support group meetings. Eventually I felt that even though I was sad about my loss and scared about getting pregnant again, I was willing to take that risk so that I could have my baby here to love. For some people, the journey to feeling that way can take weeks, months, or even years. Only you can be the judge of when you are ready.

You will never replace Logan..and someday you will be able to talk about him without tears. He was and always will be your first baby and will hold a special place in your heart.

In your case, knowing exactly what went wrong would help you during your next pregnancy as it allows for certain precautions to be made or even some medical intervention so that you can bring the next baby home with you. You need a doctor that is willing to listen to your fears and be proactive with your pregnancy. There are a lot of women here with a great deal of personal experience that you can use as a resource as well.

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that someday soon we will be able to welcome your new baby here.

[Tonya]

I am SO sorry for your Loss!

You never really know if you are ready! I never expected to get pregnant so soon after my loss of my dear Dorothea. The doctor took extra precautions w/me I deliever both my children three weeks early. I had high blood pressure with all of my children. I had to take meds for it.

[thesunsbirthday]

Logan is so very beautiful. Thanks for sharing his photo with us.

For me, I reached a point where hurt was outweighed by hope, and I knew very clearly that I was ready to try again. It was so, so much work being pregnant after experiencing loss, but the experience of having another baby has been unexpectedly healing. Hartmann is very much a part of our family, even with his younger brother Fio here.

[grieving55]

It's a personal decision without question and you will know when the timne is right. Did you go through therapy? I think a very apt response was when your hurt is outweighed by hope. Keep the faith and remember that God does have a plan and things will work out the way they are meant to. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[Kayt]

I've been feeling the same way. I feel guilty for thinking about the future and planning for a second baby after losing our first. I set myself a goal though to get into better shape before we try again. I have until May to lose as much weight as I can and tone up my body as much as possible.

I did get myself a locket with my baby's picture etched inside along with his name and birthday. On the outside is a little elephant (the same elephant is on his urn with another facing the other way and below it it says "%50 Mommy & %50 Daddy") The locket is actually my user picture I've found it's really helped. It's my way of carrying my baby with me always.