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Post by pocooso on May 1, 2012 23:40:23 GMT -5
What do you do to make your life as best it can be after you have lost a child? How do you make life worth living? What gets you through your days? Where do you focus your mind? What was your emotional state before you lost a child? Were you a happy person or did you have pre-existing depression or anxiety? Sometimes I feel my daughter is being cheated of a better life. I'm just so tired and worn down. I can barely get things done around here, let alone find time to have fun with my daughter. My baby is taking all our time. He is into 100% mischief. It is impossible to completely childproof this house. Before Melody died, we were supposed to be done with night-wakings, tantrums, etc. We were supposed to be having fun, going on vacations, etc.. It is so dificult going back to car seats, not wanting to board an airplane with a screaming baby. My husband is in daily pain, and now we found out that in order to possibly get rid of pain (no guarantees), he has to have two different surgeries, all because one drunk driver ran him over and caused him to have an amputation on one leg and a severely damaged leg on the other side. He's been through enough already, and now, has to go through more surgeries. Still, I love the baby. He is such a blessing and has brought much healing, but life is so difficult, even though these toddler stages are temporary. Still, I mostly find good things in life, like the snuggliness of a newborn, my daughter's sharp mind, and my husband's thoughtfulness.
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Post by myangelamanda on May 2, 2012 13:22:09 GMT -5
((((hugs))))
You have so much on your plate and I'm so sorry to hear your husband needs more surgeries. I don't have any magical solutions for making life the best it can be. The "supposed to be's" are what do me in time and time again. I just try really really hard to stay focused on today and how it is today ... not how it was yesterday and not how it could be tomorrow ... I slip occasionally and revert to the "I SHOULD BE doing this or that ... I SHOULD have a 10th grader and an 8th grader" and then it just makes me mad and sad and just plain ugly and resentful ... but it passes and I move forward. Each time I sort of realize a little more than the last time that it's not doing me any good to stay in the "Should Be" mode of thinking so this year I've been trying really hard to just live my life as it is today. It isn't easy ... but it's doable. Nothing is easy after loosing a child. Not even having more children is easy because there's the whole added layer of grief and what it does to us.
(((hugs))) I hope the terrible two's are just coming a little early at your house and that it will all pass quickly. Tantrums and night-wakings are horrible so I feel for you.
xox
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Post by myheart on May 3, 2012 0:39:18 GMT -5
You are going through so much stress it's hard to find anything positive and will to carry on. You are doing all you can by finding little things each day to fill your heart. You are finding strength in loving your family. Each day you get through is one day closer to putting all the bad life is throwing at you behind you. Loosing your child will always be with you, but remember those little things you enjoyed then too, and maybe they will someday bring you more joy then tears. I am praying for you and your family, so sorry you are going through so much.
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