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Post by missingisaiah on Apr 18, 2012 21:19:30 GMT -5
Who else has noticed time flow in this new "normal" is so odd. Sometimes when I try to remember how Isaiah smelled, how it felt to hold him, the sound of his cry, it seems like he lived and died centuries ago. Sometimes when I am trying hard to remember the good times I had with him, it's almost like he never really lived, that it's all just a nightmare.
And then at other times, when the pain of missing him hits especially hard, it seems as if he died just yesterday.
The way Tabatha talks about Isaiah only adds to the bizarre time flow feeling. Sometimes she talks about him as if she remembers him, as if she was alive when he was alive. Other times she mentions how much she misses him, how it's not fair she never got to be here with him. She talks about seeing him in heaven and at times it is as if she was with him in heaven before she was born. She has even told me a couple of times that God let her see Isaiah before she was born.
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Post by sarahsmommy on Apr 19, 2012 12:58:35 GMT -5
I believe our rainbow babies certainly knew their siblings before they were born, and they had a hand in their getting here. I am heading to work, but later I will tell you a couple of cool things that have happened to convince me Sarah is still watching over all of us. And I know what you mean about time. It is strange.
Kathy
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Post by myangelamanda on Apr 19, 2012 18:08:34 GMT -5
Time is one of the things I've noticed is odd in so many many ways. I even think things like: it's been 71/2 years which means I'm that much closer while at the same time I'm like d**n! it's been 71/2 years already!! I look at Kristin, who is almost 7, and I think OMG where did all those years go and at the same time I think it's been forever since I smelled, shopped, laughed, talked to, watched reality tv with, did homework with, and just looked at Amanda.
Not a fan of time and the tricks it plays. Gotta be honest so ... I don't think you're alone at all with this one.
I also do believe that my Ryan and Kristin knew Amanda before they were born. Each of them, at different times, have shared things with me about Amanda ... things only a sibling would or could know ... they cry over her frequently ... even when I'm actually surprisingly happy ... they dream about her ... they share her with me all the time in ways I never ever thought possible ... just even in simple actions they do ... my husband and I just had a whole heartfelt talk on this last weekend because of certain events that have taken place with each of them. Sometimes it's almost as thought they know Amanda better than Jason who actually knew Amanda.
((((((hugs))))))) I see all of it as gifts to us from our children so we know. period. Nothing more and nothing less. Just that the here and now is just that ... and in time ... the here and now will change and we will be enlightened beyond our wildest imagination to so much more than we ever truly thought possible ... and we will understand everything about time.
xox
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Post by myheart on May 3, 2012 0:45:53 GMT -5
You said that so perfectly. It's as if we were thrown into a new place where time is pain and relief. Where there is no logic or understanding. I agree it's as if one day it seems so long since I have held him I forget how it feels then the next moments a memerory puts a knife in my chest and I lost him yesterday. Only the unlucky like us lives in a time warp of child loss. I feel it might be similar to the twilight zone and Bermuda triangle. Your daughter sounds like such a blessing, maybe he is reaching out through her. Innocence allows for such a open heart and mind.
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