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Post by justlostanangel on Mar 30, 2012 11:56:35 GMT -5
    Please bear with me ladies; this is going to be quite the rant! This time of year is hard b/c in April is my "should've been" due date with my 1st m/c, Feb. is when I learned of the 2nd & March is when I had to have a D&C w/the 2nd m/c. As you know, that's enough in & of itself to be stressful. However, things in my life have just gotten even more complicated & stressful. Our 14 y/o is having a lot of trouble, & is on an antidepressant. It makes my heart hurt that he's in such pain & can't share it with us. We got a notice from the university our oldest is attending; we have to pay taxes on his scholarships! We're not dirt poor people, but neither do we have extra cash @ our disposal! I'm a little freaked out about how we're going to pay the (possibly) thousands of dollars!! The weather where we live has been freakishly abnormal; in the 80s in March! Needless to say, the pollen, etc has been stirred up, & allergies are in overdrive; need I mention that I am having severe allergy attacks?? Sooooo, if I take my allergy meds so I can breathe & not have such a horrible headache, I'm fighting to stay awake; it I don't take them, then my head pounds & hurts so awfully, it makes me cranky. In addition, our 4 y/o is being a bit ornery. Most of the time, he's a little sweetheart; but here lately, he's been acting like one of his friends who can be a bit of a brat! Today he wanted to pet the hamster in our 14 y/o's room....not sure just what happened, but I walked in to see the aquarium, broken, on the floor! Then a notice of a certified letter was in the mail when I went to get something out of our van. Nothing good has EVER been sent certified mail, ya know? It's like I can't even mourn my 2 babies 'cause of all the crap that's going on! I'm contemplating giving up on ttc; I'm already considered advanced maternal age, & not getting any younger! We've been "actively" trying for a year, but 4 years altogether. I just can't handle the anticipation, the excitement when AF is late, then the devastating blow of AF arriving (especially when there were pg symptoms!). I'm afraid that I'm going to spiral down into depression again; this time, though, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to fight it. My faith has taken a beating, & I don't know if I can regain it back. I'm just so tired, frustrated, irritated.......sad. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent! Appreciate all of you so very much!
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Post by marianne on Apr 6, 2012 5:30:30 GMT -5
rant away.... that's why were here.
Hang in there and i'm sorry you are getting all this at such a time.
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Post by justlostanangel on Apr 6, 2012 19:51:16 GMT -5
Thanks, marianne! Things are still awful, & I'm not seeing much hope.
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Healthylife4 Tori
Full Member
A bear ever how hard he tries grows tubby without excerise- Winnie the Pooh
Posts: 334
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Post by Healthylife4 Tori on Apr 11, 2012 21:16:51 GMT -5
Praying for you hon. ((hugs))
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Post by justlostanangel on Apr 11, 2012 21:31:18 GMT -5
Thanks, Tori! Those hugs were definitely needed!!! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to you!
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Post by lostmom on Apr 14, 2012 19:06:00 GMT -5
I know what you mean! My oldest is in afghanistan while his pregnant wife and two kids live just two houses away. (Which is harder still that she sees kids as a means to get what she wants. And also I am not sure she is pregnant with my sons child....long story. All of this makes it hard for me to even be around her.) Then I still have another 10 kids in the house from age 16 down to 18 mo. The older kids keep picking up on my grief but everyone else has moved on. And then on my worst days I just want to cuddle with my youngest but he finds it incredibly funny to beat on mommy.
It doesn't matter how much my heart is torn apart, life still goes on. At least for everyone else. It was just wonderful to see the bills from my emergency d&c come rolling in! Almost $1800.00!!! For a pregnancy that lasted only 13 weeks but caused me to nearly bleed to death. I haven't even had to pay anything for my last two births since they were home births and what insurance paid covered her fees. Even better when one of those bills listed it as an incomplete abortion.
Anyway, this was your rant, not mine. Sorry. Just thought I pipe in since I felt I could have almost written your post! And my faith has been shaken to its foundation. But I am almost certain I can see a glimmer of light up ahead!
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Post by justlostanangel on Apr 16, 2012 12:10:45 GMT -5
{{{{{{lostmom}}}}}} So sorry you're having to deal with the drama of your son is harm's way while his wife might be betraying him...  I know; it doesn't seem fair that everyone else is able to just get back to life, like nothing happened. That's a heck of a bill!! Not sure where you live, but most hospitals will "write off" part of your bill if finances are a strain for you. I know what you mean about medical terms; I hate the phrases "products of conception," "spontaneous abortion," or "missed abortion." I know that technically the abortion phrase is referring to the pregnancy being aborted, or stopped; but it still bugs me!! To me, it was a miscarriage NOT an abortion (I didn't choose for my babies to die!!) Sorry--went off another rant there, didn't I? Feel free to rant anytime!! Glad you're seeing a glimmer of light!! |
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Post by mom4ever on Apr 19, 2012 8:34:16 GMT -5
Just Hello and a big HUG to you dear!
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Post by justlostanangel on Apr 20, 2012 8:58:25 GMT -5
{{{{{{mom4ever}}}}}} Thanks!
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Please bear with me ladies; this is going to be quite the rant! This time of year is hard b/c in April is my "should've been" due date with my 1st m/c, Feb. is when I learned of the 2nd & March is when I had to have a D&C w/the 2nd m/c. As you know, that's enough in & of itself to be stressful. However, things in my life have just gotten even more complicated & stressful. Our 14 y/o is having a lot of trouble, & is on an antidepressant. It makes my heart hurt that he's in such pain & can't share it with us. We got a notice from the university our oldest is attending; we have to pay taxes on his scholarships! We're not dirt poor people, but neither do we have extra cash @ our disposal! I'm a little freaked out about how we're going to pay the (possibly) thousands of dollars!! The weather where we live has been freakishly abnormal; in the 80s in March! Needless to say, the pollen, etc has been stirred up, & allergies are in overdrive; need I mention that I am having severe allergy attacks?? Sooooo, if I take my allergy meds so I can breathe & not have such a horrible headache, I'm fighting to stay awake; it I don't take them, then my head pounds & hurts so awfully, it makes me cranky. In addition, our 4 y/o is being a bit ornery. Most of the time, he's a little sweetheart; but here lately, he's been acting like one of his friends who can be a bit of a brat! Today he wanted to pet the hamster in our 14 y/o's room....not sure just what happened, but I walked in to see the aquarium, broken, on the floor! Then a notice of a certified letter was in the mail when I went to get something out of our van. Nothing good has EVER been sent certified mail, ya know?
I know; it doesn't seem fair that everyone else is able to just get back to life, like nothing happened. That's a heck of a bill!! Not sure where you live, but most hospitals will "write off" part of your bill if finances are a strain for you. I know what you mean about medical terms; I hate the phrases "products of conception," "spontaneous abortion," or "missed abortion." I know that technically the abortion phrase is referring to the pregnancy being aborted, or stopped; but it still bugs me!! To me, it was a miscarriage NOT an abortion (I didn't choose for my babies to die!!) Sorry--went off another rant there, didn't I? Feel free to rant anytime!! Glad you're seeing a glimmer of light!!