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Post by missingisaiah on Mar 27, 2012 22:01:52 GMT -5
Well ladies, I give up. After months and months and months and months of trying to tough it out, I'm back on antidepressants. Didn't want to go there as husband isn't supportive about it. He thinks I should just stop thinking about myself so much and I'll be fine. I was hoping eating better and exercising, now that all the doctors finally released me to do so would help. It hasn't. I came to the realization that one of the big issues right now is I expected by now the loss of Isaiah wouldn't hurt this much. Silly me. I knew from the beginning I would be forever changed by his death just like I was forever changed by his life, but I thought that 5 years, 5 months, and 6 days later I'd be somewhat like the old me. Don't know what I was thinking. Now I have to work through all of that as well as the many major stresses that are going on that have nothing to do with Isaiah's death and me missing him like crazy every day
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Post by joan on Mar 27, 2012 23:27:33 GMT -5
((((((((hugs)))))) the old you is gone. In my last post, I wrote about walking around the other day wondering who this woman in my body was. Ten years is coming up and I am missing Gordie so much these days. Not the everyday missing, but the really hard-to-take missing. I know that it will pass, and the everyday missing will continue. Also, I know that the hard-to-take- missing will keep coming back at from time to time. We are not the same - how can we be?
Big (((((Hugs))))) and much understanding
Joan
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Post by joan on Mar 27, 2012 23:46:11 GMT -5
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Post by marianne on Mar 28, 2012 22:23:00 GMT -5
my dh, a clinical psychologist, always believes drugs are very important because otherwise your body just stays depressed no matter what positive thinking etc you do. you cant just snap out of it, the way they do on tv- its a real chemical thing. good on you for being sensible. I hope you feel better soon
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Post by myangelamanda on Mar 29, 2012 18:08:42 GMT -5
Hey You. I did not like your thread title at all. You are not giving up at all ... you are doing what you need to do to make it through this h*ll so there ... change it to that  Look. Every single one of us has handled every single thing in our own way and the one thing I think each of us knows is there is no right or no wrong way to deal with all we now have to deal with right? There is no giving up. None. It is simply called survival and we do what we do to make it through (that's my silent motto to myself ). Sadly, your realization about 5 years is spot on and I wish I could say 6 and 7 years gets better ... just remember that even if we're all not here every day posting it does not ever mean we're "better". I have found that my 6th and 7th year have been better spent reading and reflecting rather than posting, though I do post now more than in the past couple of years. Reflecting on things mostly because my kids are all in school now all the time and that means I have the time to reflect and think. I don't like it, but like all our emotions I just can't seem to control it. ((((((((((Brenda)))))))))))))) you are anything but someone who gives up my friend. You are a survivor. xox |
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Post by jaredsmommyforever on Mar 29, 2012 18:17:23 GMT -5
Brenda,
I agree with Michele, and I know this is advice you give all the time-- You do what you need to do to get through. Everyone has their own journey, not only through grief but through life. If your quality of life and well-being improves on anti-depressants, then you deserve to take them. And no one else should judge that. This journey is hard enough without a chemical depressing making it harder. So do what you need to, and be gentle with yourself.
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Post by missingisaiah on Mar 29, 2012 21:20:35 GMT -5
Thanks ladies.
I realized today the best way to say how I am feeling is: I miss Isaiah and I miss the old me. Sigh.
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Post by Sydneysmom on Apr 17, 2012 23:22:19 GMT -5
Yes...well said...the way things were...
Michele is right, you are a survivor! The last thing you need is to feel guilty about getting back on antidepressants, when it's something that really will improve life for everyone in your family. You are not thinking about yourself too much! I think sometimes our husbands don't understand that what drives us to process the stuff we are thinking and feeling, in effort to become "healthier" is our love for our family! It's so much for them!
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