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Post by lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom on Mar 4, 2012 21:00:08 GMT -5
It's been awhile since I've posted; last time was shortly after my fourth loss a few months ago. That time I was pregnant for such a short time that I never even made it over here to PAL. Well, I'm pregnant again, 5 weeks today, and despite three strong beta test results in a row am finding it extremely difficult to relax and enjoy or take even one minute for granted. All that I can think is, it has never once worked out before --why should it this time? That's not such a great attitude toward something you've wanted forever and now might finally be in your grasp, but it's impossible (for now) to let go and feel otherwise. Maybe in two weeks after the first ultrasound, it will become easier to start hoping and let go of some of the fear.
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Post by jadalynnsmommy on Mar 4, 2012 22:53:54 GMT -5
Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy <3 glad to see a fellow friend from having a loss <3 9 weeks for me
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Post by lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom on Mar 5, 2012 11:19:43 GMT -5
Thanks so much, Jessi, and I wish the same for you! Would be great if we could just fast-forward, though...!
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Post by mom4ever on Mar 6, 2012 9:09:15 GMT -5
Congratulations!!! and your fear is so very understandable
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Post by Ashley on Mar 6, 2012 14:01:47 GMT -5
Congratulations! And I agree it's a learned helplessness... completely understandable. I hope the u/s brings you some peace, I know for myself I was a wreck until I made it passed 17 weeks, which was my first loss. I remember the u/s I had at 18 weeks... I couldn't even look at the screen, I just asked if the baby was alive... how strange is that?! I knew everything was fine when the Dr laughed and poked my side and said your not even looking, it's a very healthy baby! I still worry when I don't feel him move much... I poke and drink cold water or stuff as much chocolate in me as I can to get him going I hope you have a very uneventful, healthy pregnancy... thinking of you and your family!
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Post by lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom on Mar 6, 2012 20:39:56 GMT -5
Thanks, Mom4ever and Ashley. I could definitely understand not daring to look at the screen! Every time I realize I'm feeling not-queasy or not-exhausted or my chest is not completely painful, I get nervous that it's over. I keep thinking the ultrasound will make a difference, but in reality I know in the back of my mind that three out of my four losses originally had healthy heartbeats, so there are no guarantees. Happy to finally be pregnant again after battling with infertility for so long, but how nervewracking this is!! Thanks for letting me vent here. Hope everyone on this board gets the rainbow baby they deserve.
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Post by Clara Hinton on Mar 7, 2012 16:53:29 GMT -5
Congratulations on your wonderful news! ;D I will be among the first to tell you how much I understand the daily fear of a pregnancy following a loss. I think each and everyone of us who has been in that situation "gets it." If you know my story, or have read my book, Silent Grief, www.amazon.com/Silent-Grief-Miscarriage-Child-Finding-Darkness/dp/089221371X/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1331156843&sr=1-2 you will know that I've had six miscarriages, and with each one, I experienced the fear following loss. However, I can also tell you that I made a decision that I wasn't going to allow this awful fear to rob me of the daily joy of being pregnant anymore, and when I made that decision it was like having the biggest burden in life lifted!!! It wasn't easy to "let go" of the fear, and sometimes it was an hourly struggle, but.....the more I allowed myself to relax and enjoy each day of pregnancy, the more I was able to diminish the fear of the unknown. My prayer is that you will get an absolutely wonderful ultrasound, and that each day you will be able to relax and enjoy your pregnancy just a little bit more. Congratulations, again, on this new little miracle! Please keep us updated on how everything is progressing! Love, Clara
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Post by lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom on Mar 8, 2012 10:36:18 GMT -5
Thank you so much, Clara! I am going to try and let some of your positivity rub off on me. Had some bleeding yesterday which scared me a lot, but apparently that's not uncommon with IVF pregnancy so my doctor was not too concerned and didn't even have me come in. Just taking it one day (or hour) at a time at this point.
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iseult
Junior Member
Posts: 55
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Post by iseult on Mar 11, 2012 7:28:04 GMT -5
Praying your little one stays put and grows
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Post by lauren&k&p&a&j&b's mom on Mar 22, 2012 8:40:28 GMT -5
Thanks so much, everyone, for your support. Unfortunately, an ultrasound this morning (7w4d) showed that growth stopped at 6w6d and that there's no heartbeat (no hope). This will be my fifth loss. I'm still absorbing the reality.
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tara
New Member
Posts: 8
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Post by tara on Mar 23, 2012 15:05:14 GMT -5
I'm so very sorry to hear this news! A book that really helped me after my miscarriage was Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize! Awesome Awesome book! Hang in there!
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iseult
Junior Member
Posts: 55
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Post by iseult on Mar 25, 2012 10:04:53 GMT -5
I am sorry to hear that. my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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