Post by lostmom on Feb 24, 2012 2:18:45 GMT -5
I am mother of 11. I almost feel like I don't belong here and have been trying to deal with this but it hasn't been going so well. I was here once before but this is actually my 4th miscarriage. I found out at about 12 weeks that there was no baby. I had everything else, but no baby. A week later the miscarriage happened. It came on quickly and I kept gushing blood and LOTS of it. Within a half hour I was rushing off to the hospital. I ended up having to have an emergency D&E.
That is the short version of what brings me here today. My heart is terribly broken and I know that short of getting pregnant again, I doubt I'll feel any better.
But with all the kids I have and all that I know, I can't seem to get myself to quit googling every thought that goes through my mind! The latest has been on ovulation. In my past, if I had pains that lasted for quite some time, it means I didn't really ovulate. This time, the pain has lasted for 5-6 days and the whole time I had the egg white stuff that ended abruptly Wednesday afternoon. For all that I have read, there should be no reason for me to not be pregnant again but I know that no amount of googling is going to say "Hey...you're pregnant!" And yet that is all I want to know.
To drive the knife in even farther, my DIL just found out she was expecting right after I found out I lost mine. I can hardly get myself to talk to her and I feel bad. But she doesn't view pregnancy like me. She smokes and drinks Monster and and hardly eats. I just can't handle it.
I had a dream when I was pregnant that I was having twins. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong and at the same time I haven't been able to let go of how much I want to have my twins! The first words out of my mouth when I awoke from surgery was "I'm having twins!" The nurse thought I was just loopy...but I knew what I was saying!!!
Also, when the ovulation started, my hormones kicked in big time and I just didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to be excited that I could get pregnant but at the same time was furious that it was even a possiblity seeing as how I was supposed to be 4 months pregnant! I honostly don't know how I am going to handle a period and those hormones if for some reason I have not conceived.
I am sorry this is so choppy. It has all been building up and I have no one to talk to. My dh is amazing and he lets me cry and he holds me and tells me I have every right to feel the way I do. But he doesn't understand all the pregnancy stuff and the strong desire that I have to have another one. He is fine with it and doing his part
, but female friends I am lacking.
So if you have read all this, thank you! And any advice would be great!
That is the short version of what brings me here today. My heart is terribly broken and I know that short of getting pregnant again, I doubt I'll feel any better.
But with all the kids I have and all that I know, I can't seem to get myself to quit googling every thought that goes through my mind! The latest has been on ovulation. In my past, if I had pains that lasted for quite some time, it means I didn't really ovulate. This time, the pain has lasted for 5-6 days and the whole time I had the egg white stuff that ended abruptly Wednesday afternoon. For all that I have read, there should be no reason for me to not be pregnant again but I know that no amount of googling is going to say "Hey...you're pregnant!" And yet that is all I want to know.
To drive the knife in even farther, my DIL just found out she was expecting right after I found out I lost mine. I can hardly get myself to talk to her and I feel bad. But she doesn't view pregnancy like me. She smokes and drinks Monster and and hardly eats. I just can't handle it.
I had a dream when I was pregnant that I was having twins. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong and at the same time I haven't been able to let go of how much I want to have my twins! The first words out of my mouth when I awoke from surgery was "I'm having twins!" The nurse thought I was just loopy...but I knew what I was saying!!!
Also, when the ovulation started, my hormones kicked in big time and I just didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to be excited that I could get pregnant but at the same time was furious that it was even a possiblity seeing as how I was supposed to be 4 months pregnant! I honostly don't know how I am going to handle a period and those hormones if for some reason I have not conceived.
I am sorry this is so choppy. It has all been building up and I have no one to talk to. My dh is amazing and he lets me cry and he holds me and tells me I have every right to feel the way I do. But he doesn't understand all the pregnancy stuff and the strong desire that I have to have another one. He is fine with it and doing his part
, but female friends I am lacking.So if you have read all this, thank you! And any advice would be great!