So tired of the endless pain

[sarah7]

January was a rough month for me. January 11 was a 1 yr anniversary of a loss, and January 27th was my EDC of a baby I lost in July. I kept thinking I was doing so well, but really I was just keeping myself busy and not thinking about it.

Now it all hits and I feel like the grief is more than I can take. I feel like it will never end and when I can't face today how do I face the rest of my life. I lost 7 babies in 3 years and I wonder sometimes if I ever really dealt with any of the losses.

I miss them so and I long just to touch them for one moment. I feel like I am losing my mind. I know that no one understands except for you ladies. I don't even share it with anyone anymore bc I know they think I need to move on.

I feel so angry at the rest of the world that just continues on and no one cares that my babies are gone. A coworker is early in her pregnancy and complains endlessly of nausea, back pain ect. It infuriates me that she is complaining and doesn't even realize how blessed she is.

I need so desperately to just touch them. I wish I had some tangible reminder. Something I could touch or hold when the grief overwhelms me. I am so tired of crying and explaining to my husband what is wrong. The fact that I have to tell him makes me feel like he thinks my grief is inappropriate.

I am just so tired of it all.

[autumnmusic]

I am so sorry and I wish I could hug you now. :/ That is so much loss for such a short time--or even for a long one--and you are so justified in being sad and grieving.

I understand how you feel about the world moving on and nobody caring. I just passed my year marker and feel the same.

You have all of my love and prayers. Feel free to send me a message if you need to talk. <3<3

[dawnglo]

I understand how you feel. It's so painful and frustrating, and seeing someone seemingly takes their pregnancy for granted. My SIL is pregnant and at the last few family get togethers I've watched her consume food that was not a all healthy for her pregnancy. After my first miscarriage, I was so careful about my diet when I got pregnant again. I'm older, so I did every thing I could to ensure my health and the health of my baby and I still lost my baby. Yet her pregnancy is strong and she gorges on fatty sugary foods.

With her pregnancy I feel like everyone is moving on and that My babies will be forgotten. I want to be happy for them, but it is so painful.

I know it is hard for you. I wish you strength and peace. It is so hard. We know what you are going through.

[sarbear]

I can understand exactly where you are coming from. ***HUGS*** I can't imagine losing as many as you have. I have only lost 2, and each day is difficult. I had 1 mc and one ep where they had to terminate it by surgery. My bff is 5 mos. preg with her 3rd child, and it makes me mad-1 she wasn't trying, 2 this is her third *accident* and 3-she really can't afford to bring another child into this world. (She made the comment to me-well maybe I can go on welfare now!) ugh the nerve...she told me she was preg. 2 wks after my surgery. (On the phone right around Christmas while I was standing in a walmart!)

People expect us to be over it, especially those that don't understand why we are so upset in the first place...Like you said, we began to feel the feelings, but we never actually got to hold them; which makes people confused as to why we haven't gotten over it yet.

As I was told, it'll happen, it's just not your time. (IMO that's one of the worst things you could say.)
Every day we think about what if next time..it happens again, I can't deal with the heartbreak, or will there be a next time?

Again HUGS to you...it's hard to deal with, but we're all here to help get you through this.

[dawnglo]

Sarah, as for your husband, men handle these things much differently. They hurt when they see us hurt and feel helpless when they can't help take it away. They always want to fix, but not everything can. I suggest that you talk to him when you are both in a calm state and tell him what he can do to make you feel a little less alone in this.