It isnt so simple.

[Healthylife4 Tori]

I never thought i would take things so hard so many years later.

The only thing that keeps me from seeping into to sadness is my husband and children.

After reading Michelle Duggar letter to her precious daughter she lost her words just made me break down.

It doesnt matter how many children you have the ones you lost are never just number. Its been so long since i have felt this kind of pain. - Also im alittle scared because every spring i get my bfp.

Im scared if i do and scared it if dont.... what if i feel the heart break of another loss.

Heartbroken- but will not give up.

[dawn]

(((Tori))))

[springtimebabe]

My memories are still in tact and sometimes I am numb and sometimes something just triggers my emotions to come to the surface. Recently, there has been one thing that I just cannot seem to get past. I didn't read the letter she wrote to her dd that she lost. I have several of them and I have kept them in a box. I wish I could say something that would ease you but it's hard since I cannot find my way out of the wilderness most of the time. I have been blessed and I know how the kids and dh keep you going. We lost babies and the fear of it happening all over again is terrifying....Also the knowledge that we might never feel life inside us again or making the decision to make sure neither one ever happens is scary too. I miss the old days when age was not a factor and rpl's weren't even known of to happen. (((HUGS)))) I hope a great miracle comes your way to ease some of your pain. We will always wonder about our heavenly angels and miss them.

[mom4ever]

I wish I could type the compassion I feel for you

[justlostanangel]

{{{{{{tori}}}}}} I think the fact that you still mourn and miss your babies is proof of how much you love them!! Sometimes I find myself surprised by the things that can cause me to cry, but I've learned to just cry, and not fight it. I can relate to the "scared if I do and scared if I don't"....I'm right there with you!!! Please know that we're here for you!!