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Post by missingisaiah on Nov 30, 2011 0:48:11 GMT -5
That's how I feel this year. I am trying so hard to get in the Christmas spirit. This is the first year Tabatha is excited about Christmas. She's been asking to put up our Christmas tree since July. It still isn't up but that's because I am still not allowed to lift over 10 pounds and DH has never liked putting up a Christmas tree. He's never helped me with it. To be honest, I am a little glad to have an excuse to put off the whole house decorating thing.
I just miss Isaiah so much! This Christmas season seems the hardest since the very first one. I don't know if it's because we have another boy and it's a sharper reminder of all we missed out with Isaiah. I don't know if it's because it's the fifth one without him, 1/2 decade without him. Maybe it's a combo. I don't know. I just wish I had him back.
I just wish I could focus on the meaning of Christmas enough to find some joy and peace, but I can't.
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Post by wuvmyangel93 on Nov 30, 2011 1:10:14 GMT -5
It's hard but maybe putting up the tree and letting Tabitha go and pick a new ornament for Isaiah to hang on the tree will help.
You could buy a similiar one with a tiny tree for his cemetary too and let her decorate that one special.
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Post by ourprincesschloe on Nov 30, 2011 2:11:00 GMT -5
((((Hugs!)))) Decorating doesn't make Christmas. Do just a little. Don't get overwhelmed. Go back to taking life minute by minute and the rest. . . will come. For me, Jesus' birth is what gives me the ability to meet with my Chloe again, to have all my family together again, so even 12 days after her death we "celebrated." Every holiday, as is every day, is a reminder that we are one more year without our child, leaving us with so many questions.
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Post by myangelamanda on Nov 30, 2011 12:54:24 GMT -5
(((((((((Brenda))))))))))))
You're feeling this way because of every single reason you mentioned. Isaiah should be here decorating with all of you and I'm so sorry he isn't. I really am. The holidays are overwhelming ... for so many it's not the most wonderful time of the year ... it's the most horrific time of the year! The constant shoving down our throats of joy and happiness~ Bah humbug is right!!
I do what Etho suggested. Every year since Amanda died we pick out a new ornament for our tree. It's nothing much, but we all know it's our way of including Amanda and we do put out her stocking. Maybe you could get a stocking if you don't have one already. I like seeing all 4 of my kids stockings hanging up. Some may think I'm strange for wanting to acknowledge my child, but they've never lost one so I don't care.
((((((hugs))))))))
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Post by missingisaiah on Nov 30, 2011 21:45:55 GMT -5
We hang up Isaiah's stocking too. My older sister made it for him. She actually finished it a couple of days before he died. She made mine, DH, Tabatha, and John's too.
I think I will have Tabatha pick out Isaiah's ornament this year. I never thought to have her do it. But, since she seems to have this strong connection with him, it makes sense.
I'm glad we don't really get any TV stations in (can't afford cable, etc) because I don't have to watch any hallmark commercials about the perfect Christmas with all family memebers gathered around and all oh so happy.
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Post by sarahsmommy on Nov 30, 2011 23:44:52 GMT -5
My oldest daughter was the only one alive to know Sarah. The others have heard some, but my husbands way of dealing with the situation was to pretend she never existed. There were some ugly years in there. Anyway, I walked into my daughters house last night, and right in the front of the tree was the only ornament we had ever had for Sarah. I dont know how she got it, but that took the breath right out of me. It was a very happy moment. Like after all this time someone besides me gets it.
Kathy
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Post by myangelamanda on Dec 1, 2011 8:45:58 GMT -5
Anyway, I walked into my daughters house last night, and right in the front of the tree was the only ornament we had ever had for Sarah. I dont know how she got it, but that took the breath right out of me. It was a very happy moment. Like after all this time someone besides me gets it. Kathy Wow. This touched my heart. I don't know if I should cry or smile or do both. It's truly awesome. |
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Post by monicag on Dec 7, 2011 11:12:21 GMT -5
Hugs to all of you...this post really touched me today. I am grieving in a different way. I have Jesse here..but he has no idea what a Christmas tree is or presents are for or the meaning of Christmas ..so it is different grief for me It just amazes me how mom's like us find each other and each situation just makes us see how very special we are. Thank you for helping me see it once more.
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Post by myangelamanda on Dec 7, 2011 15:40:47 GMT -5
Hugs to all of you...this post really touched me today. I am grieving in a different way. I have Jesse here..but he has no idea what a Christmas tree is or presents are for or the meaning of Christmas ..so it is different grief for me It just amazes me how mom's like us find each other and each situation just makes us see how very special we are. Thank you for helping me see it once more. ((((((((hugs)))))))))) |
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Post by missingisaiah on Dec 7, 2011 18:55:10 GMT -5
Monica, (((((((HUGS)))))))
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