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Oct 27, 2011 21:39:14 GMT -5
Post by bellamona on Oct 27, 2011 21:39:14 GMT -5
I have not been on here in awhile. I have been avoiding grieving. I feel as though things are getting worse right now. I lost my Isabella on March 30, 2011 due to a cord accident. I can't stand the sight of babies dressed up for Halloween, because I was supposed to have a baby dressed for Halloween. I am mad at my work because I need someone to blame for the loss of my baby. I hate going to work because it reminds me of being pregnant and the loss I feel. I blame my boss because she caused me a lot of grief and stress while I was pregnant with Isabella, and I think that stress may have contributed to the loss of her. Sometimes, I just want to stay in bed all day and cry, but I get mad because I can't - I have to go to work and take care of my other children. Sometimes I just want to scream. Sometimes I just want to be alone. Sometimes I want to be hugged. I do not know what I want anymore. I feel like things are going back down hill.... Am I crazy? Am I normal? Please someone help... I am begging.
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raosa
Junior Member
Posts: 62
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Oct 28, 2011 16:19:29 GMT -5
Post by raosa on Oct 28, 2011 16:19:29 GMT -5
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time, things get much harder during the holidays .....
It is very common to have conflicting emotions, especially since you say you've been avoiding grieving. Please be gentle on yourself and try to set aside some time to grieve or do something in honor of your Isabella.. even 10 minutes a day will help. Regarding work, would it at all be possible to move to a different department or change jobs? Sometimes, a change of scene is a big help.
((HUGS)) again and hope you can work through your grief and anger a little bit at a time.
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Oct 28, 2011 22:52:41 GMT -5
Post by marianne on Oct 28, 2011 22:52:41 GMT -5
Firstly, there is no way stress caused you to loose your beautiful baby. Though, i'm not saying it doesn't help having someone to blame, curse etc, it actually isn't true. You darling just had some terrible luck. that's why its an accident. The baby can be behaving totally perfectly but the cord be in a bad spot and you'll never know till its too late, so dont blame yourself. Hugs to you.
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Oct 29, 2011 2:08:28 GMT -5
Post by josephinesmomma on Oct 29, 2011 2:08:28 GMT -5
I am so sorry you are going through, what you are going through. Your emotions are entirely normal. I don't know if this will help you but perhaps get a book and when you feeling you everything is too much, write it down, it does not have to be fair, just, or make sense, it is just an outlet for you.
Hugs and prayers coming your way.
When I was at my worse one day, I asked my husband if he thought I was mad, his response was "no you are a good mother, that is why you are grieving". So remember you grieving because you are a good mom.
The advice probably won't make you feel better, but know you are in all of our thoughts, and praying that it gets easier for you.
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Oct 30, 2011 21:39:10 GMT -5
Post by bellamona on Oct 30, 2011 21:39:10 GMT -5
Thank you ladies for your responses and support. I have been trying to get a new job and have a second interview Tuesday. Hugs to all of you.
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Oct 31, 2011 20:29:19 GMT -5
Post by ama01 on Oct 31, 2011 20:29:19 GMT -5
I wish there was something I could say. The only thing I can promise is that is does get better in time. One day at a time. Find ways to talk about it. Find ways to honor her. It all helps. (((HUGS)))
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Nov 2, 2011 17:48:55 GMT -5
Post by sunflowersmom on Nov 2, 2011 17:48:55 GMT -5
Bellamona ~ Please be gentle with yourself. It is perfectly okay to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel it. Don't ever let anyone tell you different. We all understand here. Reading your post brings tears to my eyes because I am so familiar with all of the raw emotions involved with the grief of losing your precious baby. Hang on! It does eventually get better. It never goes away but the days of screaming and tears and depression become less and less as time goes on. Oh I hate that we all go through this! (((Hugs)))
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