Post by weeblemom on Jun 10, 2011 1:30:11 GMT -5
I read a story to my littler ones tonight called "Big, Bad Bunny". It was just a book we picked up at the library, and I had not read it myself before I read it to the children. Well, I guess I should have. It was very hard not to cry. In the story, the mama mouse is tucking her children in for their nap when she discovers that one is missing. She runs through the forest and through many difficulties, but she finds the wayward child and brings her safely home and tucks her in for her nap.
It broke my heart to see, in print, what I wish had happened in our house that February afternoon. To see the errant little mouse, just like my adventurous, fearless, imaginative little Weeble, happily march on in her little adventure until she realizes she is lost. But nothing can stop the loving mama mouse. She rescues the little mouse in time and so our story has a happy ending, and my children should be reassured that when they are in any peril, their mama will be there to rescue them.
But I guess my children know better.
Today I had a pretty good day. My six-year-old finished his first swimming class (he didn't quite pass, but is close to swimming independently and doesn't show any abnormal fear of the water). We did a fair amount of schoolwork. We got our chores done. Laundry is caught up. I actually made dinner on time. Since the weather is nice, we had a picnic outside, and finished off with ice cream to celebrate my son's lost baby tooth. I almost felt like a competent mother. But then, there's the little slip-up where my son DIED.
Today, when I don't feel SO SAD, Weeble's death seems surreal. In my mind, I know that it happened, but it doesn't feel real. It feels like something I read about in the paper. Like it happened to someone else, not us.
I haven't ever felt like one of those moms who has it all together. But I am very focused on my children, and I always felt like I was keeping them safe. So, what happened? Weeble died because I just had an off day? Sorry, Weeble, better luck next time? Oh, there won't be a next time. Well, let's hope the other kids have better luck?
I miss him SO much, even on the "good" days. I wrote in his baby book, long before he died, that he was a ray of sunshine to our whole family every day, and he really was. How I miss his little, chuckling laugh. His enormous smile. The way he would rock side to side and sing a little song. How he drove me crazy rolling his little trucks up and down the hallway. How the other children would build block towers and cities and forts, and Weeble would play Babyzilla and knock them all down while the other children cheered him on.
Sigh.
Just a ramble I needed to get off my mind before bed. This mama is worn out for the day!
It broke my heart to see, in print, what I wish had happened in our house that February afternoon. To see the errant little mouse, just like my adventurous, fearless, imaginative little Weeble, happily march on in her little adventure until she realizes she is lost. But nothing can stop the loving mama mouse. She rescues the little mouse in time and so our story has a happy ending, and my children should be reassured that when they are in any peril, their mama will be there to rescue them.
But I guess my children know better.
Today I had a pretty good day. My six-year-old finished his first swimming class (he didn't quite pass, but is close to swimming independently and doesn't show any abnormal fear of the water). We did a fair amount of schoolwork. We got our chores done. Laundry is caught up. I actually made dinner on time. Since the weather is nice, we had a picnic outside, and finished off with ice cream to celebrate my son's lost baby tooth. I almost felt like a competent mother. But then, there's the little slip-up where my son DIED.
Today, when I don't feel SO SAD, Weeble's death seems surreal. In my mind, I know that it happened, but it doesn't feel real. It feels like something I read about in the paper. Like it happened to someone else, not us.
I haven't ever felt like one of those moms who has it all together. But I am very focused on my children, and I always felt like I was keeping them safe. So, what happened? Weeble died because I just had an off day? Sorry, Weeble, better luck next time? Oh, there won't be a next time. Well, let's hope the other kids have better luck?
I miss him SO much, even on the "good" days. I wrote in his baby book, long before he died, that he was a ray of sunshine to our whole family every day, and he really was. How I miss his little, chuckling laugh. His enormous smile. The way he would rock side to side and sing a little song. How he drove me crazy rolling his little trucks up and down the hallway. How the other children would build block towers and cities and forts, and Weeble would play Babyzilla and knock them all down while the other children cheered him on.
Sigh.
Just a ramble I needed to get off my mind before bed. This mama is worn out for the day!
