Kyle's having a hard time at school

[msmarib]

Kyle's been in school for 4 weeks. Recently, his teacher has been coming to me (almost daily) about an incident involving Kyle and one of three children. Today, he said he would share his concerns with the lead teacher--he's in a charter school in its first year. Kyle has ADHD.

The teacher's concerns:
1. Kyle has several times been accused of using profanity which he vehemently denies. Kyle has never been accused of using profane language and even gets on DH for his occasional slips. He knows that he will earn $500 if he graduates without using profanity. Two children have said this about him but in each case the phrasing they use aren't even phrases Kyle speaks, not his usual choice of words or style of speech.
2. Kyle has been accused of calling names. He admits to calling the same child stupid (a week ago) and a Kracken (sp?), an unattractive mythological creature. The girl has been telling Kyle to shut up, he states and "gets in his business", telling him what to do, which he detests. The teacher moved her away from Kyle but they play kickball at lunch so that's where the action happened. I told Kyle not to play anymore which breaks his heart since all his friends play. The child's parent complained to the teacher.

I am upset because when questioning the teacher about these incidents, I have found they were not properly investigated. The grandmother made the accusation but Kyle and the other child did not talk to the teacher. It appears the teacher is taking the word of an adult who is hearing it second hand. I know, as a former vice principal, how often parents/guardians can hear one thing from their child but how incorrect it can be when the child and others involved are questioned. Similarly, the child states Kyle called her a pig. One of three witnesses were questioned and she states she did not hear Kyle call her a pig, but couldn't remember what he said. He admits to calling her a name after she told him to shut up and to be nice several times. I don't like this behavior on his part, but I also want the entire incident to be properly recorded. Plus, I want him to talk to the other two witnesses so the truth can be revealed.

I am upset because Kyle has in each case reacted to a child who has antagonized him over time, instead of telling on the other child. He then gets reprimanded for his response. I have told Kyle to tell but he doesn't want to be a snitch (makes me angry because they are) or doesn't want to tell on his "friends" (but they are telling on him and he is developing a bad reputation).

Kyle NEVER initiates/instigates but responds. To date, I have not requested a 504 plan for his protection. But today, the teacher said we'd likely conference with the lead teacher and all my training and motherly instincts say request the 504 plan and state my concerns about the investigation and interactions with the other children and Kyle. I usually don't defend him, but my DH and I are both behind him this time because we believe him. The statements the other children are giving are very out of character for him and nothing we've ever heard, nothing he admits to, nothing he's ever shown us. He is also very honest and will even admit when he's done something wrong, even if it means he'll get in trouble.

Now that I've vented, what are your thoughts?

[monicag]

I can't even imagine what you go through with the school....sounds so much like they are using Kyle as the scapegoat...and that stinks. With witnesses...even, i wish you could have a 24/7 tape recorder on him...to prove to them what is really happening. Go with your mommy gut and if a 504 is it....I would go for it.

[msmarib]

I requested the 504 and the teacher back pedaled. Hmmm. I asked it to be initiated by the end of this month.

[jezebel]

I had a a incident with my husband's oldest grand daughter she was being teased by this one girl the mother of the girl I called the grand daughter got her home phone I questioned as to her teasing and I told her of this so the next day it went on again I called again and I said of it she asked if my husband's grand daughter is lying I said could be I said are you sure your daughter is the one lying there was a cousin in this of the girl in question of lying and she concurred but I said you know people will lying to I have had this with me son, I went to the school and talked to the vice principle and I talked to the principle I said this is not to be tolerate and I am not having this do I have to go further then you or can you take care of this the teacher isn't doing anything the vice principle isn't and ow I am in front of you> so he said he was to talk to the two girls my husband grand daughter and the girl and get things settled there was not anything more on this from the grand daughter.
I am able to go and take care of things as my husband works I have ZERO TOLERANCE for teasing or bullying and I WILL get this to end if they can't in the school system I will go as far as need be to get it to stop I was teased badly so badly I tried to take my life but my life was spared it was not my time I had more to do in my life before it ends, but I know what it is like to not feel you have no where to turn.
Go as far as you need be the school board the senator congress or go to the media everyone hates anything to do with the media.
My son was accused of bullying other kids and he was in the office my mother got a call and of course it was David's fault one day my father was bringing in a costume for David and he witnessed David going down the slide as he came down two bigger boys pushed him to the ground dad just watched there was a teacher walking around to see all was well but she never saw the to bigger boys pushing him down they would do this every time he tried to get up well David had enough and has David retaliated THEN SHE SEES DAVID and Davis is in trouble well me father went running (I mean running) to this teacher and told her she didn't see it all she is walking about and then when David was to give the two boys what for then she see him.
My father went into the school and told what had gone on and the two bigger boys and what went on and the teacher was oblivious as to the two boys or she just didn't want to see them. He was red hot. They never heard anything more. I told my husband grand daughter if she has any trouble in school to let me know I WILL get it straighten out but she also lies so I have to get both side before I go in stomping that something is going on and they better FIX IT.
We don't have the grand daughters living with us any longer but I know the oldest is hard to handle and if she could keep straight with people she might find she would get more done and people would believe her.

She also has ADHD I had it to when I was young still do but I learned to control it some.

Rhayden

[marianne]

A krachen !!! Great word use !!!!
Honestly, what a load of stress over a few kids being kids.
i would not be telling him not to play, as that's not fair to him.
i think its just settling in problems, and while I dont know what a 504 plan is, sounds like a good idea to me. Why are they telling you this is they arent going to deal with it. Also, i hate how the school expects you, the parent, to be able to control your kids from a distance when they cant solve the problem and they are on site.
I had this with my first son, about 10 years ago. In the end we moved him because the first school just didnt want to deal with anything, and I was sick of everything being his fault. he was much happier at the next school, which was a public school. he still got in trouble but they dealt with it. By the way, he's 19 years old now, doing uni - business- full time and working full time as a storeman to buy a new car. All that energy that was a problem at school is very useful when you're a grown man ( there- i said it, he's still my baby )