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Post by karybeth on May 1, 2010 18:40:57 GMT -5
Hi all, just wanted to reintroduce myself. I have two boys, Nicholas 7 and Dima 6, both adopted. They are not from the same birth mother or region. Nicholas was adopted at 19 months old from Tula, Russia and Dima was adopted at 3 years of age from Petrozavodsk, Russia. I just wanted people to know if they want to talk about adoption or raising adopted kids issue I am here. I'm sure I'll be looking for advice too.
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Post by jessesmum on May 2, 2010 6:37:54 GMT -5
hi karybeth,
I was wondering how you found it adopting toddlers into your family and what the adjustment period was like. Especially what it was like when you adopted your younger son Dima and how your older son Nicholas adjusted.
I have a 5year old biological son and have been struggling to have another child for 4 years now. We have suffered 6 miscarriages and my daughter was still born almost 3 years ago when I was 30 weeks pregnant. I desperately wish for another child and sibling for my son and have been thinking of adopting for over a year now.
We are interested in adopting an older child (toddler age) so my children would be closer in age, but worry how my son would adjust since he has been an only child for so long and might feel more threatened (if that is the right word) by a toddler than a baby.
Hope that makes sense, any advice you may have would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Carey
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Post by karybeth on May 7, 2010 5:55:10 GMT -5
Hi, well adopting a child close in age to your only child does present difficulties, but it can work. Nick (my oldest) did take time to adjust, but he did. Does he always love Dima (the youngest), no, but what brothers always get along!! They really act like most other siblings I see (and I mean those born to the parents raising them). I do get this from Nick "Mom, can you send Dima back to Russia, or bring him back to the store?" Answer no and we didn't buy him. Ugh! We are lucky that both boys are very healthy and well adjusted though. I am sure there is some trauma for Dima especially as he was neglected and moved to three different homes in his 1st 3 years (one being an orphanage), but he is doing quite well.
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Post by lana7 on May 14, 2010 1:24:23 GMT -5
Hi. I was adopted from Russia along with my brother and sister. I just want to say that I have so much respect for people who decide on adoption, it's definitely not the easiest thing at times. I know I was a handful and had a horrible past but so do so many other children from other countries especially Russia. If anyone ever wants advice or just has questions from someone who was actually adopted don't be afraid to ask I would love to help!
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Post by karybeth on May 17, 2010 8:12:47 GMT -5
Thanks for letting us know you are on the board. How old were you when you were adopted? My boys were 19 months old and 3 years old on adoption. We are so lucky to have them with us and be able to parent them. Any advice on how to tell them their adoption story and about their birth parents. They know they are adopted from Russia, but it seems they really don't quite u/s that yet.
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Post by lana7 on May 21, 2010 19:04:18 GMT -5
I was three years old when I was taken from my parents and six when I was adopted. I fully understood what had happened. My advice on telling them would be to make sure they know that their birth parents loved them but it wasn't their time to be a mom or dad so they gave you a great gift and a miracle. My adoptive parents weren't quite supportive when I reached te age of asking about my past. My mom never talked about it nor allowed us to ask. If your children have questions, listen. Don't think that because they're asking about their birth parents or miss them that they love you any less they're just curious about their past. Feel free to message me anytime with any questions.
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Post by karybeth on May 26, 2010 11:27:43 GMT -5
Thank you for your advice, I will never hide the truth from my kids. I think it is important they know all we can tell them, when they are ready. My DH was adopted domestically at birth and didn't find out until he was in his 30's and I believe that was far more traumatic than knowing all along and it just being another way a family can be formed!
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Post by lana7 on May 26, 2010 16:51:43 GMT -5
Oh wow! That's crazy that his family kept that from him for so long! You seem like you know what you're doing and I'm sure your children are truly thankful for everything you have done for them if not now then they will be when they have a greater understanding.
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