Dh considering adoption

[~MamaKat~]

Ok so I always want 2-3 kids Dh wanted 3-4. when I found out I was PG with Carissa my 3rd L/C I told him I just couldnt do it again it was way to stressfull after suffering 2 M/C in a couple months. :'(I did tell him I wanted my tubes cut, tide and if he really wanted a 4th then he had until she was born to change my mind. he never really tried at all so I thought he was fine with it. now I find out he really does want 1 more. someone mentioned to him about adoption and he replied rather quickly yes butt with the economy now just isnt the right time to adopt. I didnt even know he had been thinking about it.

My heart is breaking for him now because I took away something from him that he really wanted. I honestly didnt know how much he wanted a 4th child. If I had never suffered an M/C then I probably would have had a 4th or posably more. Now I just feel selfish that I took that away from him.

so here is my question. how would we start the prosses how much would it cost. how would I help my kids understand. would I truly be able to love this child as m much as I love my own. because to be completly honest If I cant love this child like I would my own I wouldnt feel comfortable adopting because I wouldnt want this child to feel like they got jipped or feel left out. (I am not asking this to be mean I just dont want to bring a child into my home and have them feel like an outsider if someone else could love them more.)

Ok so that was more than 1 question. I live in michigan if that helps in answering any questions.

[kacik]

We were considering adoption for a while. Dh wasn't really into it in the end and to be honest neither am I at this point but we did look into it a bit. I know that international adoption is really expensive (usually starting at like $20,000. I think if you went through CAS or CPS they are much less expensive. I know in Canada it was less than $2000. Private adoption is another option. I'm not really sure of the cost though. Good luck!!!

[kjb96a]

We adopted Canaan almost 13 months ago when he was 3 days old.

Start calling and interviewing adoption agencies. We live in NM but went with an adoption agency in FL that was 1/2 the cost of most adoption agencies we looked at. You can always apply for grants or ask for donations from churches & there are non profit agencies that help with adoption fees too.

Websites won't tell you exactly the correct things b/c they post things for the average couple. We called and interviewed dozens of adoption agencies. I'd advise you do the same. Be upfront so that you don't waist your time. Ask questions & address concerns. Every state has different policies, laws & regulations. Florida made it very easy for Ryan & I. Make sure you trust & feel comfortable with them. It's important as you can imagine b/c they're helping you find and solidify your next child.

The process really was super easy for us. I called our agency. They sent us an application and we sent it back filled out with the application fee. We were approved within a week (we're also ministers with no records so it was easy)! We had to get people for recommendations. We then did the homestudy which took about 2 weeks...the FBI fingerprint background check took the longest. It was 2-3 weeks more. So within a month to 5 weeks our homestudy was complete. I made the profile book on Snapfish and sent it to our agency.

Obviously the more stipulations (race, sex, etc.) you put on, the longer the wait could be. We said we'd take whatever child God decided to give us. I know most couples don't do that though.

We got on the list Jan 1st and were told we'd get a call within a month to 6 months to 2 years but no guarantees on the timeline. But to our surprise we got a call on the 2nd of April and within 48 hours we were in Florida and less than 24 hours after that we took our son "home" (to the hotel).

We never had to go to Florida before to interview. They will usually do a conference call with the birthmother if that's her wish.

You're welcome to ask me any questions...it seems overwhelming but after it's done, you'll look back and see that it really wasn't. It just seems so confusing and overwhelming, I know. We'd be glad to answer all your questions & help you in any way we can!

Something else to think about:
Child-Rite Inc
3200 Carlisle Boulevard NE
Albuquerque, NM 87110-1600
[phone]
They are in a lot of states as well. Yes, it's older children but since it's a non-profit organization, it's a totally free adoption!

[kjb96a]

About loving an adopted child, you have to make that decision. I knew I would always unconditionally love any child God brought into my life. Although that's what my parents did and I saw it growing up with foster kids then my parents adopted a 16 year old when I was 15. I also had an adopted cousin and friends that were adopted. Adoption was a natural thing in my life.

My husband on the other hand never knew anyone that was adopted and his parents never talked about it. He didn't think he could love any other than his own. When we found out he can't conceive any children of his own, adoption seemed to be our only route. Although I worried some when we got on the adoption list b/c he was saying all the right things but I still knew he had doubts of his own, there was NO question the first time I placed Canaan in his arms. Now you can't separate those two. They love each other more than anything.

We've been talking about invitro or sperm donation for me. Now he's not so sure he can love any other child as much as Canaan.

Question: After you had Alisha, and you knew you were pg with Carissa, how did you make room for her in your heart? It's the SAME with adoption!

[~MamaKat~]

thank you. right now I am just trying to wrap my head around the fact that Dh would even consider this at all. sometime I do feel my family is complete then ather times I think it would be nice to have another 1. I do know that if DH is seriuse about it then I would do it no questions asked.